Treating adult children equally

seven-day-weekend

I would treat them equally but not necessarily in the same way nor at the same time.

For example, I might pay one child's Uni fees while another might not go to Uni. So I would help them in some other way - maybe by funding some childcare. One may need a house deposit, whilst another may have the property but need help in some other way.

As it is I only have one so he gets the lot

pollypenny

Weve helped each of them when needed.

However, our wills leave an equal share even though one us far better off than the other. The less off was very extravagant in the past, hence having to count every penny now.

ognum

I can think of many reasons not to treat children equally

One has an addiction/gambling problem
One is about to get divorced
One is married to a partner with problems
One is about to declare bankruptcy
One is a multi millionaire
One is on benefits that would stop if they received a lump sum
One has a life threatening condition and would have to pay death duties on my gift
Etc etc

There are clearly ways around this with Trusts but there is more to this than just treat everyone equally. This is supposed to be a money saving site

Sea_Shell

Ognum, what if none of those issues apply and parents still choose to be financially biased to one child over another?

ognum

Sea_Shell wrote: »

Ognum, what if none of those issues apply and parents still choose to be financially biased to one child over another?

Then it’s their choice, mine would be to share equally.

goodwithsaving

My siblings are all better off than me but would I argue that they didn't need their inheritance? NO. All treating children differently on your death does is cause divisions after you're gone. Do you really want your legacy to be the destruction of your surviving family?

GwylimT

My brother is a single parent with a severely disabled son, I’m married and financially very comfortable, as a result any help from our parents goes to my brother, rather than being split between us, as it should as he is the one who needs some extra help where possible.

Sea_Shell

My concern would be that if the parent gives to a child deemed to be in need, what happens if a few years down the line the other child's circumstances change and they need help and there is no money left to help them.

Say they can afford to gift £20,000 now, and they give it all to one sibling, rather than £10,000 each, then circumstances change...

"Sorry, we can't help you fund that life-saving operation you now need, as your sibling had all our money when they couldn't afford the rent."

Every situation / family is nuanced in its own unique way...so it's not a one-size fits all. But decisions should be balanced, in my view, with an eye on the future.

Keep_pedalling

Smosal wrote: »

Simple question. If you have surplus assets and wish to gift a lump sum to your adult children (35 and 32] do you give them both the same amount irrespective of their earnings and needs? My partner and I agree disagree ...

Sea_Shell wrote: »

My concern would be that if the parent gives to a child deemed to be in need, what happens if a few years down the line the other child's circumstances change and they need help and there is no money left to help them.

Say they can afford to gift £20,000 now, and they give it all to one sibling, rather than £10,000 each, then circumstances change...

"Sorry, we can't help you fund that life-saving operation you now need, as your sibling had all our money when they couldn't afford the rent."

Every situation / family is nuanced in its own unique way...so it's not a one-size fits all. But decisions should be balanced, in my view, with an eye on the future.

Under those circumstances I would say the original gift was not affordable, you are more likely to need that money for an emergency of you own, than for other children.

These sort of decisions are much harder when spare cash if very limited, than they are if you need to offload cash to reduce inheritance tax, and lifetime gifts are not going to have much impact on people’s inheritance.

Keep_pedalling

How do people feel about passing on money where grandchildren are involved? If for example you had 2 married children, one with no children and no plans to have any and the other had 2 children of their own, would you still leave your estate 50/50, or make other arrangements so that you GC are provided for?