Treating adult children equally

enthusiasticsaver

I think it is best to do a straight split regardless of circumstances and we have done that with our daughters in the main. Obviously in some cases circumstances are down to individual choices so it seems unfair to penalise the one who made better choices, like silvertabby.


We have two daughters. One is married with young children and works part time. Reasonable wage but not a fortune and as she works part time locally to us and has childcare costs she is not as well off as her sister although her husband works full time on a good wage so this compensates. We have helped her financially with maternity leave and a period of sickness for her DH when he was in hospital very ill for six weeks then on a phased return on half pay for a further eight weeks.

Elder daughter lives away on a very good wage and is single with no kids. In the past though when doing a PHD we helped her financially with rent etc. She knows we have helped her sister more recently and would not accept money from us as she said she did not need it and we have helped her in the past.

We sold a property a few years ago and gave them both the same lump sum. Any inheritance will be split 50/50.

I think if either of them were in dire need though we would help and it would not stop us if we were unable to give the same to the other at the exact same time. There has to be an element of common sense and luckily neither of our daughters seem to worry that the other is being treated more favourably so if we have helped one we have tried to do the same with the other one at some point.

enthusiasticsaver

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

How do people feel about passing on money where grandchildren are involved? If for example you had 2 married children, one with no children and no plans to have any and the other had 2 children of their own, would you still leave your estate 50/50, or make other arrangements so that you GC are provided for?

We have this as one daughter has two children and the other is single with no children.

We would still split 50/50 especially as our daughter with the children is not keen on her children having access to large amounts of money in their own right. Initially on birth we started paying into Junior ISAs for our GC but then she was worried about them getting access to it at 18 and blowing it all. I think we will leave it to their parents to decide how much of the inheritance should be passed on to GC and I have no doubt they would do it but don't think it should be at the expense of the single daughter.

Needless to say I don't think the childless one will worry and I am pretty sure any inheritance she leaves will be to her nieces unless she marries or has a partner at some point

charlotte1994

It's a tough one, my mum gave me and my sister the same amount out of inheritance from whyen my grandfather passed (it was all in her name but she chose to pass some to us). That being said, I totally understand when she helps out my sister financially. She has a a young child, I don't. Would the more well-off child be understanding if the other got a little more?


If it is a lump sum, however, I would give them the same. I think it would make things easier in the long run. I think any cash gift is appreciated

onomatopoeia99

My parents do the same for both me and my brother. He has children, I do not. The only difference is in the inheritance, where half their cash goes to me and half is split between the grandchildren. My brother and I split the house (assumes the council don't take it in care charges).

No-one is unhappy with this, my brother would only pass the money on to his children if left to him directly.

mjm3346

Do whatever both of you want - if need be split the assets between you so each of you can divide their half however they want.

Smosal

Thank you everyone for your replies, they have been thought provoking. Apologies to those who wanted more information, but I wanted to see the answers without any bias, and without considering our particular circumstances. We have decided on treating both girls equally as we wouldn’t want to be the cause of any friction between them.

Mary_Bing

Yes, always the same

DontBringBertie

A friend of mine had that situation with his twin brother. He found out after 2 years his parents had been giving the other twin an extra £200 a month towards his rent.

When questioned his parents said “you earn more than him and his rent is higher because he HAS TO (lol) live in London so we subsidise you down to the same amount”. Funniest thing was they both worked in London but one of them lived outside and commuted in, therefore paying less rent.

At the time I thought it was a bit unfair for one of them to be punished for earning more and choosing a cheaper place to live.

Kim_kim

Guerillatoker wrote: »

I'm amazed at how people feel so entitled to their parents money that they would hold it against them if they chose to distribute it in a more equitable manner. I think it is a perversion of what it means to be family, really.

But what usually happens in cases where it’s not shared equally is the favourite gets more.

This is usually something you felt all your childhood and then it’s confirmed beyond any doubt by tangible evidence.

Keep_pedalling

Kim_kim wrote: »

But what usually happens in cases where it’s not shared equally is the favourite gets more.

This is usually something you felt all your childhood and then it’s confirmed beyond any doubt by tangible evidence.

That sounds more like your personal experience, rather than “what usually happens”.