Treating adult children equally

Robisere

Just talking to my (step) son an hour ago, about this theme. Besides a little money, we have a pottery/ceramic collection, a large mint vinyl collection, (some rare, all played rarely due to recording by various means) family heirlooms and jewellery. Son (who says there are no steps between us) is certain that he and his sister will not disagree over whatever financial and other bequests we make.

They do get on very well now they are older, after being quite opposed when younger. They live in the same village, about 100 yards apart. They help each other out in many ways, have a son and daughter themselves and all the cousins get along very well. After we have talked with our daughter on the same subject, we will make up our minds whether to split stuff as equitably as possible, or just leave it to be divided as they agree to do it.

Kim_kim

Redacted wrote: »

I am also of the equal is not always equitable camp

https://goo.gl/images/wjTu5T

I can’t figure out how to link a picture.

You realise option 3 is the equivalent of giving your money to the cats home rather than your children!

Sea_Shell

Or spending it all yourself so there's nothing spare/left for anyone!!

Alan2020

My grandfather gave his children based on need, none of the children like each other or him, they hated him.

If you have children, treat them equally, this way they will stick together and be a team. My Parents did this to us and we are a team.

Who are you as a parent to judge a child, after all you never asked permission from them, so treat them equally. Why should the hardworking one be punished to cater for the lifestyle of the lazy. I can see special circumstances like ill health etc but then you should discuss with other kids.

PS both my grandparents did unequal splits and both their families are split

Guerillatoker

I'm amazed at how people feel so entitled to their parents money that they would hold it against them if they chose to distribute it in a more equitable manner. I think it is a perversion of what it means to be family, really.

Keep_pedalling

Alan2020 wrote: »

My grandfather gave his children based on need, none of the children like each other or him, they hated him.

If you have children, treat them equally, this way they will stick together and be a team. My Parents did this to us and we are a team.

Who are you as a parent to judge a child, after all you never asked permission from them, so treat them equally. Why should the hardworking one be punished to cater for the lifestyle of the lazy. I can see special circumstances like ill health etc but then you should discuss with other kids.

PS both my grandparents did unequal splits and both their families are split

Why do you relate being less well off with being lazy? and and being high paid with hard work? I am pretty sure a city worker on £200k probably works a lot less for their money than a care worker on £20k

I doubt fact that you grandfather,s family all seem to hate each is simply down to his financial favours.

Alan2020

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Why do you relate being less well off with being lazy? and and being high paid with hard work? I am pretty sure a city worker on £200k probably works a lot less for their money than a care worker on £20k

I doubt fact that you grandfather,s family all seem to hate each is simply down to his financial favours.

I was giving my family as an example and know the situation.

However, there are many reasons for being wealthy or not.

Yes a city worker may be on £200K but what makes you think they work a lot less than someone on £20K, unless you are implying they steal money? Why did they city worker become a city worker and not a care worker, therein lies the answer, opportunity perhaps, studied hard instead of partying hard, cleverer, who knows.

I don't earn a lot, this is sadly due to my laziness. :rotfl:

Perhaps you can flip the question around, why doesn't the care worker go to the city and become a city worker. You will find the answer there.

A government sanctioned hitman can earn £millions, they only need to pull the trigger/tip the poison/run the person over, why aren't people joining them en mass, should we pay them less than a care worker?

I don't know the answer, that is why I recommended equal treatment:A

Pollycat

Alan2020 wrote: »

My grandfather gave his children based on need, none of the children like each other or him, they hated him.

If you have children, treat them equally, this way they will stick together and be a team. My Parents did this to us and we are a team.

Who are you as a parent to judge a child, after all you never asked permission from them, so treat them equally. Why should the hardworking one be punished to cater for the lifestyle of the lazy. I can see special circumstances like ill health etc but then you should discuss with other kids.

PS both my grandparents did unequal splits and both their families are split

This is not always the case.

Tigsteroonie

Alan2020 wrote: »

If you have children, treat them equally, this way they will stick together and be a team. My Parents did this to us and we are a team.

What if the expectations have not been equal though?

Some of the older generation still have old-fashioned ideas of it being the daughter(s)' role to care for them in their dotage, and don't have the same expectation of their sons. To then split an inheritance equally, when there has been far more of a care burden on just one or two, seems unfair and could be divisive.

Silvertabby

“ If you have children, treat them equally, this way they will stick together and be a team. My Parents did this to us and we are a team.
Originally posted by Alan2020

My mum believed that my sister and I should always have 'the same'. Unfortunately, she seemed to completely misunderstand the concept of 'fair'. I was 4 years older than my sister, yet we both received the same amount of pocket money (20p, in today's money, per week). Not too bad - but then I got a paper round for 50p per week. As I was 'earning', mum decided I didn't need my 20p pocket money any more - but her way of treating us 'equally' was to not only give my sister my 20p but also another 10p top up so we would still have the same amount to spend. The fact that my sister lazed in bed while I was out in all weathers delivering papers didn't seem to matter.

Even worse, when I started work and brought home £5.50 per week my mum took £2.50 for my 'keep'. Which she immediately gave to my sister along with another 50p top up.

Long story cut short, my sister never did learn to cope with money and lost the house she had been left by our parents (I didn't 'need' a share as I was married and had a home of my own) to bankruptcy.