Treating adult children equally

happyandcontented

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Secrecy should not come into it, you should be honest with them.

I was responding to a poster further up the thread not saying that was my situation.

However, theoretically, if you did prefer one child over another ( not because the others had behaved badly but if for example, you preferred a girl to a boy) what would it serve to tell them all that fact?

elsien

Parent frets because I don't earn anywhere near as much as my siblings.
But I like my life and I get by so I really don't see it as an issue.

I would much prefer everything be split equally than have any sort of rancour further down the line. Even if siblings were asked and agreed to take less, I'd be concerned that they'd agreed to keep Parent happy and were slightly begrudging - it's not about the money it's what people perceive about what it says about their relationships and place in the family that counts.
it's really not worth the problems it couid potentially cause when I'm not exactly on the breadline.

iquit

Equity versus equality.

KateBob

Treating children equally may not necessarily mean gifting them both the same amount of money.

My parents gifted money to my brother as part of a house deposit, something they didn't need to do for me and my OH.
This would appear to be vastly unfair on the face of it but they have provided us with a lot of free childcare of the years which I believe more than equalized things.

trailingspouse

My first OH was one of four, and his parents were strictly fair. If one needed some money, they would send all of us the same amount. Which was much appreciated - but it was only possible because they could afford it. If they hadn't been so comfortably off, we would have understood that they had to help the one that needed it.

DigForVictory

I would want to be fair and be seen to be fair.

Which usually means the same amount each.

If one has issues like gambling, drugs etc then I'd put the equal amount in a trust and set conditions on it.

If one had a partner who was burning through money and not earning to replace it, vampiring off my child, I would be having some very unpleasant discussions - and probably heading down a trust route again, Due to Lack Of.

On the information so far, yes, be even handed & be see to be so.
That your partner disagrees suggests there is more.

HampshireH

My parents have always treated us equally.

As the elder of 2 I would perhaps receive my gift first (for example £1000 towards first car i bought which wasnt a rust bucket) . Sibling later got the same when they made their purchase.

Likewise. My parents paid my uni fees. (3k for 3 years) they also paid my siblings (3k per year for 3 years) however it wasnt their fault the cost went up. They still treated us fairly even if the expense was more to ensure my sister got the same education.

Another example. Sibling was bought something worth £100. They gifted me an extra £100 at another time when I was short. So its all equal but when we need help or when they choose to offer a gift

Pollycat

Smosal wrote: »

Simple question. If you have surplus assets and wish to gift a lump sum to your adult children (35 and 32] do you give them both the same amount irrespective of their earnings and needs? My partner and I agree disagree ...

Perhaps you could detail the reasons you and your OH have for disagreeing...

theoretica

What do the children think?

martinbuckley

Pollycat wrote: »

Perhaps you could detail the reasons you and your OH have for disagreeing...

Good Lord, you are not expecting someone to come on here, present all the facts and then ask for advice, are you?

This is a forum where you are lucky if you get half the story before being asked for advice!