Not the highway code

Bonniepurple

If you have a Blue Badge, that totally exempts you from the entire Highway Code and you are able to park on any double yellows that you fancy. Bonus points are given if your parking prevents the bus from accessing the bus stop and you hit the jackpot if you can prevent an emergency vehicle getting through (unless it’s you in need, of course)!

Seen on a regular basis outside my Dad’s doctors. Ironically, the car parking is easier for disabled entry to the surgery!

jk0

Come to a complete stop at all roundabouts if there is any other traffic in sight.

jk0

When you are at the front of the queue at traffic lights, there is no need to keep an eye on them. Someone will helpfully wake you from your stupor by hooting when they've been green for a while.

Mr.Generous

When a carpark is full just tag onto the end of a line, preferably right near the shops or business your visiting. If this means traffic having to filter to get past you get extra credit for traffic calming.


If a carpark is nearly empty park very close to another car to make it difficult for them to actually open a door.

greatgimpo

When you're picking up your little cherubs from primary school, it's perfectly OK for about 50 cars to park along the double yellows and block resident's driveways. Legislation is going through to stop lorries and buses wanting to occupy the same piece of road causing complete gridlock - damn inconsiderate bus drivers, who do they think they are, wanting to do their jobs?

Lorian

Only use your phone as a satnav at night if it's set to maximum brightness and mounted in the middle of your screen.

NBLondon

If there is a stopped bus in front of you - oncoming traffic will be scared by the bus and stop for you and seven others to go round it on the wrong side of the road.

Nasqueron

jk0 wrote: »

For cyclists:


If there is a specially constructed cycle track, always use the road instead.

For councils


Build a specially constructed cycle track, don't grit it or clear it of slippery leaves. Encourage people with no ability to ride a bike to use them, swerve all over the place and make it hard to pass. Don't bother enforcing use for bikes, allowing people to walk in it, particularly with uncontrolled kids or dogs on extendable leashes.

Nasqueron

Let's see


-Speed up to go through on amber, it also doesn't matter if it's been red a couple of seconds. Claim all cyclists jump red lights while ignoring cars doing it
-Roundabouts are really straightabouts, if there are 2 lanes and you're in the outside lane, just drive straight, cutting into the inside lane causing emergency avoidance so you don't need to go all the way around
-Indicators give you right of way and create a forcefield on your car allowing you to just pull in front of people as soon as you put the indicator on
-Refer to "fast lane" or "slow lane"
-Drive at 40mph in a 60mph zone, ignore people who want to get by. Continue doing 40mph as you enter a 30mph zone in a village
-If you're retired and want to go golfing, do it during rush hour but drive as slow as you like down narrow lanes holding up traffic, totally oblivious to the world
-If impatient, use the hashed areas to overtake. The highway code says "only when necessary" but getting to your destination 1 minute sooner is necessary so that's ok
-If you hit someone's car in a car park whether with a door or car, if no-one sees you then you don't need to stop

danny91

When travelling along a perfectly straight road, at well under the speed limit, with no bends for miles, keep dabbing the brake pedal every couple of seconds, just to show the massive tailback behind you what a safe and responsible person you are!