I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

Moo I am concerned that if DS is ignoring his debts yet again he will never be able to manage bringing up 2 children its a struggle when you can balance the books if he doesn't want to listen then you need to walk away he is an adult with responsibilities and he needs to face up or fall down and face the consequences . Bunk beds are a good idea in principle for the boys but are not supposed to be for under 6 years of age there have been a few cases of fatalities. Maybe a truckle bed that rolls out from under the other bed they usually have legs that go up to make it bed height

pollyanna_26

I agree bunk beds are not for young children . I'm afaid I can't see how ds will be bringing up the boys. He's never going to be able to support them financially and provide them with a stable upbringing. You are rhe one who's supporting them and ds too and he's living in la la land.


It's unkind and disrespectful not to listen to you and make the necessary effort to sort his situation out. Parenting comes with responsibilities and he is not parenting but leaving things to you as always.



We don't really know anything about exgf but if there are problems custody wise it seems she has an ace up her sleeve living in a house with a bedroom for her and another for the boys while your son is sleeping downstairs. Long term that can be seen as overcrowded .


I hate to say it but I can't see your son making positive efforts to sort his life and face his debts in a way he will be functional instead of an eternal teenager. I fear you will be emotionally, physically and financially drained. Did he manage to complete the HGV course you guaranteed the loan for and are no doubt still paying for each month? We all love our children but sometimes there is a need for strong words and ultimatums , with ds that is long overdue. He isn't listening or making an effort and you seem to be wasting your breath trying to get through to him.
pollyx.

Savvy_sewing

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

Moo I am concerned that if DS is ignoring his debts yet again he will never be able to manage bringing up 2 children its a struggle when you can balance the books if he doesn't want to listen then you need to walk away he is an adult with responsibilities and he needs to face up or fall down and face the consequences . Bunk beds are a good idea in principle for the boys but are not supposed to be for under 6 years of age there have been a few cases of fatalities. Maybe a truckle bed that rolls out from under the other bed they usually have legs that go up to make it bed height

There is a third bed under the bunks that pulls out. So they can grow into the various levels.

Savvy_sewing

Spoken with DS about the debts, and told him that he has to deal with them one way or another and not bury his head in the sand.
He started a shift at the new job last night, but in the early hours of the morning the football club burned down so the hours there are obviously not going to materialise anytime soon. Not good luck. For anyone there, and a wedding that was booked in two weeks!
Talking of weddings I have two bow ties to make for horses today!!
Each to their own I suppose

Savvy_sewing

Yeah got a date for delivery of my "Shed", 4th July. Fitting should be within 10 days of that so I hope we can get the concrete in soon!

pollyanna_26

Exciting news about the workshop delivery. The weather is glorious here at the moment so I hope it's the same for you. Should give time for the base to be laid and dry out thoroughly.


Bad news about the football club for all concerned and ds. Has he thought of trying to pick up some painting and decorating work with local trades? I remember he used to do it in the past.
pollyx

hb2

I share the sadness that the club has burned down - for DS, other staff and the people who have/had events booked I do hope he can pick up some extra work somewhere as you really cannot absorb any more deficits Mooloo!

Savvy_sewing

Started to decluttering in Dgds room last night, boy the rubbish she sticks every where!! Two black sacks of paper, wrappers etc! I was in her room for two and a half hours! Found loads of odd socks under the bed. ( where the bed was anyway!) just shows that I need to be more house proud! The piles of dirty washing that were stuffed everywhere means I have a serious washing weekend ahead of me! And no wonder I couldn't find odd socks and school shirts!!
I will have to stand over her until she gets it into her head that when I ask for her dirty laundry everyday she actually brings it all down!!
Although it shows my failures rather then hers, as I don't go in there enough and I ask but I don't always check. New habits needed by me then.
DS had work still in his old job, luckily he didn't hand his notice in there yet.
Time for my shower.

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

I don't think its your fault at all Moo DGD is going to high school in Sept i think so she is around 11 at that age she should be tidying her own room and bringing her own washing out , harsh as it may sound you are not her maid treats and internet time can be used as an inducement to do these tasks by all means check up but no chores no internet/treats we all did it and we all hated it but it is part of growing up and a bit of tough love is part of being a parent . Have a good day x

pollyanna_26

Does dgd have a suitable rubbish bin in her room and a laundry bag or bin? I wouldn't be blaming yourself for the state of her room. You've spent a lot of time this year helping her sort the messes and explaining how to keep things tidy.
She's old enough to do her bit in keeping things tidy. The xbox is probably the best thing to use to get the message over. Restricting her use again until things improve seems a plan.
Good to hear ds still has his former job.
pollyx