I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Why is she getting a drum kit when she needs teachers to get her to school? With all due respect Mooloo she’s making a mug of you

The drum kit is already hers, she was given it for her birthday last October. It just happens that the garage it was in has been handed back to the council so it had to be brought over when a van was available. It is not assembled, and she won't be able to use it at the moment.
It is not a reward or a bribe. It is hers anyway. Although if she takes her frustrations out on a drum kit it might actually be beneficial in the long run. But as I said it's just a coincidence that it was delivered today.

Savvy_sewing

Duly noted. Not happy I reverted to shouting at her, but I am not the first and won't be the last parent at the end of the tether.
The Xbox will not be returned until the teacher confirmed a vast improvement and her SATS are back on track for May. Then there will be time restrictions.
She is going to learn that granny is not a soft touch anymore!
Biggest came over, she brought a unit for my storage over, and we chatted about DS. She saw the health visitor when having her babies checks, and told her of the situation DS is in with the GF etc
She advises we tell DS to gather up the children and leave her too it when ever she starts ranting. So I had better finish moving my sewing out of the spare room and get the bed and cot ready before I am due to have them next weekend, just in case he does have to come here briefly.

I was back babysitting for her this afternoon early evening, until her hubby came home at 7. A dash around Aldi, £20.72 this week. Everything on my list except popping corn. No meat except sliced salami. On a mission to use what is lurking in the fridge and freezer as much as I can.

Now I have had a fridge special, cold leftovers tossed together in the wok with soy sauce and herbs.
Next a soak in the bath before an early night. Lots to do tomorrow.

ckmuir1

My daughter had a drum kit in her room. When things got too much she would use it and it really helped calm her down. The beats she would play would help her whole body slow back down to a normal thus releasing anger and calming her mind/mood down quicker. Still helps her 10 yrs later. It was also recommended by the music therapy. I would encourage her to play it as much as possible.

CRANKY40

Mooloo wrote: »

Although if she takes her frustrations out on a drum kit it might actually be beneficial in the long run.

I actually agree with this. Drumming is good therapy and she'll be able to get her emotions out. I took my son to a drumming workshop. Most people there had never played drums or any music. We started off in silence as 40 strangers and by the end of the 1.5 hour session we were all laughing and chatting together. My son who hadn't even wanted to come with me said that he'd thoroughly enjoyed himself.

I agree with taking the Xbox off her - she can earn it back by going to school without whinging, moaning, arguing etc for a certain amount of days but taking away her chance to express herself through music would not be a good thing. Putting the kit together could maybe also be used as the carrot to persuade the donkey to go to school? She's had and still has a lot to deal with for a child but she has to learn to live in peace with Mooloo and obey the house rules.

I'm a widow so I tell my son if he doesn't go to school I'll go to prison and he'll go into care. He hates school but he goes and he tries hard. Is there a reason that she doesn't want to go other than she'd rather spend the day playing video games. Kids can be horrible and some of the things my son's friends say to each other would make your hair stand on end!

pollyanna_26

Re the homework Mooloo . My son was a nightmare when it came to homework . Rule was to do it after tea before setting off to play football with his friends . I ended up sitting him at the dining table each time until it was done . His friends would call and I'd say he'd meet up with them when and if he finished his homework . He soon learned I wouldn't change my mind and started doing it before tea to catch the daylight hours at this time of year and have a game of footie .
Do schools still issue homework diaries ? We started issuing them to pupils in the final year at junior school years ago . Knowing there would be much more homework at senior school it made sense to have the homework due noted in the book and signed by the parent or carer when completed . If they don't do it now it may be something worth phoning school about even a message from the teacher to you to make you aware homework is due on a certain day could help . I'm beginning to suspect not doing her homework may have been behind dgds not wanting to go to school or wish to leave early .


It sounds as though you're starting to pull day to day life back into shape again so well done on refocusing . Do be careful about providing a bolt hole for ds and the little ones , you don't want to be worn down as you were last year , you've plenty to cope with as it is . Aren't her family interested or in any way bothered with her ? It really isn't your job to have to do these things over and over .


I'm not being critical I just don't want to see you burn out when this is a critical period leading to working at home . Once working from home it wouldn't be sustainable anyway with clients calling etc . Focus on dgd and sorting the stock together with your plans for the home business .


You could do with some decent sleep and some headspace so think carefully and don't be piling more on your aching shoulders .
Take care

pollyx

Brighton_belle

Mooloo wrote: »

Duly noted. Not happy I reverted to shouting at her, but I am not the first and won't be the last parent at the end of the tether.

Absolutely Mooloo, my comment was definitely meant as an hopefully helpful suggestion rather than a finger wigging.

Savvy_sewing

I slept fitfully. Horrible dreams in between. Dgd came in for a chat and a cuddle. She said that she won't be so horrible to me anymore. We talked about the freedom of choice and it's consequences and that I love her very much and I want her to be able to do anything. She talked about visiting Australia and I said there is nothing stopping her finding out about anything and then finding out how, etc she makes something happen. I said that when she is 18 or 21 etc she could go if she starts to save her money. The amount of her pocket money that goes on the Xbox for example. I said a figure, (guess work but it made a point), and she has asked for me to go back to putting 30% into the savings for her.. we talked about how her uncle has made some wrong choices, because one of her worries is that the boys will be taken away again. We talked about how it was my choice to take her in, and how it was my choice to open and close the shop, all based on the information I had at the time, and what the alternative could have been. Which led us to talk about her choice to decide if she wants to learn or not? And what the consequences are if she carries on rebellion streak.
I am hoping for a better morning this morning. I am going to ask DS to come over and build the drum kit for me, and hopefully talk to him about his choices too.
Right now I better choose to be happy and get the jobs done before I go to work in an hour or I will regret coming home to it.

SingleSue

Mooloo wrote: »

The drum kit is already hers, she was given it for her birthday last October. It just happens that the garage it was in has been handed back to the council so it had to be brought over when a van was available. It is not assembled, and she won't be able to use it at the moment.
It is not a reward or a bribe. It is hers anyway. Although if she takes her frustrations out on a drum kit it might actually be beneficial in the long run. But as I said it's just a coincidence that it was delivered today.

Just to pick out a little bit of this, when middle son was being a bit eeky I used to send him to play on his kit for an hour as it got all his aggression and teenage strops out of his system and turned what was a negative feeling into a positive.

It wasn't done as a reward however, I would pick up on him starting to get a little eeky and encourage him to play before he got to the stage of screaming ad dabs and item throwing.

N.B It developed further, he is now in his final year at university studying music!

hb2

I remember how hard I used to find it, when DS was in the middle of his horrible years, to keep my cool. I am ashamed to say that I often behaved as badly as him, rather than stepping back and keeping my cool Undoubtedly, if you can stay calm it is better.

It sounds as if you had a good talk with Gd, let's hope this encourages her to make better choices - although she is still very young and more likely to forget in the heat of the moment

I second the encouragement to make sure you are not taking the weight of everyone else's problems on your shoulders. I know they are family and we all do whatever we can for our kids, but you are only human!

Pollyanna, it's good to see you back, I was wondering whether you were OK. Hope you are soon back to full health.

pollyanna_26

Really happy to read todays post Mooloo . It's good you both had that chat , that's why I asked yesterday if dgd did share her fears and worries . At that age they can either go inside their head or speak out and the latter is much healthier mentally .


I agree with the other posters re the drum kit . My youngest used to write , poems , thoughts allsorts really . She always kept diaries , still does . I never invaded her privacy re her writing even in the worrying years as it was her outlet for her inner pain . She did show me some poems from time to time . Any outlet whether drumming , writing or other healthy coping methods is a positive thing whatever the age . You use your diaries which seem to help you so I'm hoping the drums will help dgd manage any worry , frustration or boredom .
I hope the day goes well and tonight you do get decent sleep .


hb2 Thank you we're both feeling a lot better now . Hoping to avoid any more viruses etc and get to do something once the weather picks up . Take care x


pollyx