I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019 1 January 2019 at 3:36PM edited 28 August 2019 at 1:38PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families 2.1K replies 511.6K views

Savvy_sewing

elsien wrote: »

They agree supervision is needed but can't afford to provide it?

Complete cobblers. If it's in the safeguarding plan they don't have a choice. Tell them no, then they will have to make the relevant arrangements.
If you're going to keep letting them off the hook by agreeing to these arrangements, of course they're going to keep taking advantage. There does feel like a bit of an element here of you needing to be needed - sorry if that sounds hard, but that's how it's coming across.
Sorting out the contact arrangements isn't your problem unless you make it so.

I assure you that I do not want to be needed.
If I could walk away I would. But my heart tells me that I need to try to keep these children happy, healthy and loved with in the family, and it's not about my needs at all.

My needs are to have a happy family life, my sewing cabin and my holiday home in Portugal one day.
My needs are to have a loving partner and be able to walk hand in hand along the beach at sunset and have someone to laugh and cry with.
Now if I can find that I would be happy.

Savvy_sewing

Come home to baby gone down for a nap, dgs 3 (the lad), is fairly calm and playing quietly for a change. We've had fun popping bubble wrap.
The house is tidy, my washing machine is on, and boy it feels good for a change. Think my shouting yesterday might have got through to DS.
Long may it continue
I have brought a trolley full of sewing to do when I can, either tonight when they are in bed or tomorrow.

beanielou

I love popping bubble wrap!

just_trying

Mooloo wrote: »

I assure you that I do not want to be needed.
If I could walk away I would. But my heart tells me that I need to try to keep these children happy, healthy and loved with in the family, and it's not about my needs at all.

My needs are to have a happy family life, my sewing cabin and my holiday home in Portugal one day.
My needs are to have a loving partner and be able to walk hand in hand along the beach at sunset and have someone to laugh and cry with.
Now if I can find that I would be happy.

Moolooo you couldn't walk away not even if you could. It would break you. Maybe your brain is preparing for when your responsible for them both with my lad, your getting up with them and dealing with them.

Hope dgd is happy at mums for a while, even if you do need to pick her up! Your all doing your best. Yes, tears from dgd you weren't there and I'm sure your heart strings were pulled. It was a emotional time for her and your a constant in her life. Things just got a bit much, she choose to wear one of your dresses as she liked it. It's a big thing moving up but she'll be fine.

Glad the boys are settled and happy.

Hope you meet that special somebody, you deserve it Xx.

hb2

beanielou wrote: »

I love popping bubble wrap!

I still wrap a piece up for my son at Christmas - and he's 33 now!

beanielou

hb2 wrote: »

I still wrap a piece up for my son at Christmas - and he's 33 now!

Great idea:D

SingleSue

My youngest son actually bought some bubble wrap for his brother for Christmas one year....it was received with lots of enthusiasm and joy (the recipient was over 20)

annandale

What does your son give to your household in way of income? Is it zero? You’ve lost money from him coming to live with you. He’s in lots of debt.

Do I think you have done the right thing taking in your grandkids? Yes.

But. Your kids use you. Your son has money for weed. Alcohol. X box.

You wonder why your grand daughter is upset? Her life is chaotic. You do your best for everyone. But nothing changes.

It’s not needing to be needed. You and your kids are in some kind of a co dependent relationship.

Other people would have closed the purse long ago and let them get on with it. They are adults. Your daughter uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Your other daughters use you when they want cash.

And your son is what? 27?

Tell your son to find his own home. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

He’s got thousands of pounds of debt and he’s got cash for drink and drugs.

He’s a waste of space. Get rid. He’s treating you like a mug. All your kids are.

Savvy_sewing

annandale wrote: »

What does your son give to your household in way of income? Is it zero? You’ve lost money from him coming to live with you. He’s in lots of debt.

Do I think you have done the right thing taking in your grandkids? Yes.

But. Your kids use you. Your son has money for weed. Alcohol. X box.

You wonder why your grand daughter is upset? Her life is chaotic. You do your best for everyone. But nothing changes.

It’s not needing to be needed. You and your kids are in some kind of a co dependent relationship.

Other people would have closed the purse long ago and let them get on with it. They are adults. Your daughter uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Your other daughters use you when they want cash.

And your son is what? 27?

Tell your son to find his own home. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

He’s got thousands of pounds of debt and he’s got cash for drink and drugs.

He’s a waste of space. Get rid. He’s treating you like a mug. All your kids are.

Thanks for the opinions


But
Go get a life of your own because this is my real world and my kids are diagnosed with learning difficulties
So
Are you
So
Archaic that you would return to the 19 century and lock people up in asylums??

You read what you want into what I write here.
My family is not your family, and thank god for that. Heaven help it if you have children that have grown up physically but not mentally, god forbid any of your family gets it wrong, because you will walk away with out a conscience.

Helebore

Mooloo have just sent you a message!
Helena