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I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019 - Page 125

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I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

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  • hb2hb2 Forumite
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    Mooloo, you sound shattered! I hope you manage to get a good sleep (((hugs)))
    It's not difficult!
    'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
    'Wonder' - to feel curious.
  • KatrinaWavesKatrinaWaves Forumite
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    You have mentioned a couple of times about your granddaughter borrowing your clothes. This time you mention her looking out of place. It might help her confidence to take her shopping to get some new clothes of her own as I think a young girl shouldn’t really be borrowing her grandmothers clothes. She needs to develop her own style and sense of self, not just her grandmothers. I’m sure she does have her own clothes etc but, she clearly needed a dress for tonight so maybe some new clothes are in order.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    You have mentioned a couple of times about your granddaughter borrowing your clothes. This time you mention her looking out of place. It might help her confidence to take her shopping to get some new clothes of her own as I think a young girl shouldn’t really be borrowing her grandmothers clothes. She needs to develop her own style and sense of self, not just her grandmothers. I’m sure she does have her own clothes etc but, she clearly needed a dress for tonight so maybe some new clothes are in order.

    She chose a new dress and I bought it for her, but then she didn't want to wear it. Luckily as a person who works in fashion my clothes are not very Granny. The maxi dress she wore was from a younger range. I would not be stupid enough to send her in my formal clothes. Not that I have many of those. My clothes are all bright and colourful and very modern.
    There is nothing Granny about me.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • KatrinaWavesKatrinaWaves Forumite
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    Mooloo wrote: »
    She chose a new dress and I bought it for her, but then she didn't want to wear it. Luckily as a person who works in fashion my clothes are not very Granny. The maxi dress she wore was from a younger range. I would not be stupid enough to send her in my formal clothes. Not that I have many of those. My clothes are all bright and colourful and very modern.
    There is nothing Granny about me.

    It is not about 'age' or 'fashion' it is about her being herself, having her own style, not just her grannys.

    Regardless of how trendy you are, it is unusual for a girl of her age to want to wear the same style/fit/'fashion' of her grandmother.
  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    I'm sure you will have sent dd off to the disco in the right sort of clothes. It sounds to me as though she may be becoming aware that as much as she loves the little ones she's now realising life will be different now . You were able to attend the leaving ceremony but needed to look after the little ones rather than be dancing with her at the disco.
    It's an awkward age anyway and the pressures to fit in with her peers can be a bit of a minefield. I feel sorry for the youngsters nowadays . Rather than her jeans or joggers she has to fit in with the others. Eleven year olds shouldn't be feeling the stress but sadly they're having to grow up much earlier than in the past.


    Was she able to explain why she didn't want to go to mums? It's not so long ago she was wanting to come home early from a previous stay. It sounds as though shes feeling a bit confused at the moment. Even if she can't process her feelings the fact that it's no longer just you and her at home but uncle and the boys too may make her feel a bit insecure . Real life means the little ones need your time and attention too but she's learning there are times when that means there are things you would normally do such as dancing at the disco that can't be done.


    She was adamant the boys should stay with you all but she's now having to work through the reality of the situation day to day
    I hope she's feeling better today and your day goes well.
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
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  • BextowBextow Forumite
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    I'm sure it's nothing to do with wearing Grannys clothes more the fact she is probably nervous and sad at leaving her Primary school. DGD has been through lots of change recently and with that comes tears and a tiny bit of fear, which is normal for her age and is part of growing up.
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  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    Bextow wrote: »
    I'm sure it's nothing to do with wearing Grannys clothes more the fact she is probably nervous and sad at leaving her Primary school. DGD has been through lots of change recently and with that comes tears and a tiny bit of fear, which is normal for her age and is part of growing up.


    I do agree with this. Many youngsters take moving school in their stride but many don't. School has been supportive and understanding of dgds illnesses and accidents.Plans are already in place to continue that in the new school . She will need to test that help before she will begin to settle in.
    polly
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    It was not about the clothes but the teasing because she was in a dress and not jeans. She was vulnerable all day and emotional. She wants to see her Mummy but after a few days gets bored as Mummy doesn't do anything with her. Mummy plays on her phone or crochets or what ever her latest craze is. It was loom bands a while ago.

    I am tired.
    I shouted at DS today and told him if he didn't like my rules he could move out. We're ok now but I needed to let off steam.
    I understood that he was stressed at the pressure the social worker and ex put on him yesterday about supervising contact with her. I messaged the Social worker ( who was removed then returned to the case!!) and asked him to call me. He text me the office number, so I told DS to call and tell them how stressed he was at the thought of spending two hours with her considering everything and that once again we were under the impression it should be supervised by them
    The line manager agreed that no way should DS be expected to Supervise and so it has changed to an hour at her office today. But they can book a spot at a child centre but can't afford to Supervise it and want me to Supervise going forward. Nice of her to ask me!!
    Mind you I will do it if it saves her attacks on my son and I can make sure she doesn't do anything stupid with the children.
    If I get Agro I will not stop and I will call the police or security or what is appropriate.
    Dgd has gone to her Mum now. I was at work so didn't see them, but hopefully I will when they return her. (Or if I have to go to get her).

    I am going to work in my cabin in a little while but just going to snatch 40 winks while nobody is home.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • elsienelsien Forumite
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    They agree supervision is needed but can't afford to provide it?

    Complete cobblers. If it's in the safeguarding plan they don't have a choice. Tell them no, then they will have to make the relevant arrangements.
    If you're going to keep letting them off the hook by agreeing to these arrangements, of course they're going to keep taking advantage. There does feel like a bit of an element here of you needing to be needed - sorry if that sounds hard, but that's how it's coming across.
    Sorting out the contact arrangements isn't your problem unless you make it so.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Babe1Babe1 Forumite
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    Oh my goodness, how can they expect you to supervise those visits Mooloo, along with the times you are caring for the Boys, by them living with you.

    This is absolutely unacceptable - please, please tell SS you cannot do this; it's a step too far in having to deal with the Boys mother, after all of the abuse suffered by your son.

    I know within our own Council of the cutbacks that are being made, but as I mentioned before, if this was a Woman that had been abused, would they be asking that same woman n to supervise he visits with her ex-partner. Of course they wouldn't - there is a Safeguarding issue here, for both you and DS.

    Mooloo, you have to get back to saying "No"... "No" to everyone except I feel DGD and your Mum. Everyone else needs to blooming well step up and give you the support you need. From what I have read for some time now, no one is supporting you - it's all going one way, and that's from you outwards.

    I can't bear being harsh/cross but this really takes the biscuit - you had every right today to let son have your angst - I appreciate, as many of us that read here, that he has a lot on his plate, but you are the one that's doing all the hard slog.

    If I was you, I would be going in the studio, and locking myself in!!



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