Frump to Fab 2019 - Here We Go Again

Dorothy60

Oh LL what a fantastic plan! I LOVE IT!! Humour is so so so important, isn't it? I am a right nutter, I know I am and love it, funny thoughts just occur to me and I say them out loud and everyone laughs - Mr Dot is the same, only his humour is drier and yes, we make each other LOL every single day.


I've heard of Meetup, in fact before my beautiful friend embarked on t'internet dating I suggested it but she dismissed it outright, citing her lack of confidence about walking into a room full of strangers. I explained that there would be many others going for the first time feeling just as nervous as her, but she would have none of it which I think is a real shame. I told her to take a massive breath before she walks in, put a lovely friendly smile on her face, shoulders back, belly sucked in, head high and step over the threshold. Make eye contact with someone and they will return your smile. Works every time. I do it every day, in my world everyone is smiling and happy because I smile at them first and greet them, and they smile back - simples.


As you know, Mr D and I met on dateline back in the day, and if Meetup had been about then I would have been there in a breath - however I really do feel that serendipity was a play back then. Before we met I went for an interview at his place of work, was offered the job and turned it down as I was also offered one with a higher salary and as I was newly divorced this was key. Had I taken that job, we would have met and as he too was newly divorced we are both convinced that we would have met in real life and a friendship then relationship would have developed - we even lived in the same house!! He as a child and me as a young adult - spooky eh?


Yes, some silliness and fun, mad, loud, side splitting belly laughs are just what you need, Young Lady, and if Mr Right Again falls into your orbit fine, but be prepared to be a bit disappointed if he does as you will be having such a fabulous time you won't want to break off to start dating again................ooooh dead excited for you

humptydumptybits

The people I know who joined Meetup picked someone in the group and contacted them until they found someone who was happy to meetup one to one before the meetup group. Just meeting for a coffee for half an hour and then walking in with someone made all the difference. My one friend now has a very strong friendship with the person she contacted and met up with and the person who contacted her who she took along to the first meeting. I think what they did was look at the member list and picked someone new who would understand their nerves. That might help anyone who is a bit nervous. Hopefully your local group with be as friendly.

lessonlearned

Wow. So many positive comments about meet-up and so much support on here. I knew I could count on you guys.

Frankie .....I too read Quiet. It's an excellent book. It really helped me. And don't worry about being an introvert.....There are a lot of us about. :rotfl:

I am very much like Dorothy.....I do project well, I come over as a Happy go lucky extrovert who can strike up easy conversations, laugh and joke with strangers and make friends and acquaintances at the drop of a hat. Good job really because that's what I had to do for a living......:rotfl:

However, what a lot of people don't realise is that I am actually a very quiet and private person. I don't give it all away, I have to hold something back.

I'm just a great actress. :rotfl:

My "performances" often leave me feeling tired and I do need quiet time to recharge my batteries. Too much overwhelm can leave me feeling....well....overwhelmed.

For me I think it's about knowing yourself, and your boundaries. What you can cope with and when you need to retreat a little.

Speaking of retreating....

I have made a 2nd executive decision.

I have removed my profile from the dating website. Yesterday's messages and matches were just dire. Oh dear that does sound horribly judgemental. I'm not talking about their looks etc but oh dear most of them are either delusional bores full of their own self importance or needy Johnny No Mates.

Get this one.......a classic. He has been messaging me for a week or so. Yesterday he said he wasn't going to continue because he had arranged to meet someone for a date and he didn't think it right to string me along.....fair enough. Very noble. However then he said but maybe he could contact me again if it didn't work out.......WTAF. Sorry excuse my language.

I replied that I wasnt prepared to sit on the substitutes bench just on the offchance I might get picked to play.

You gotta laugh.

Anyway need to get cracking. Granny duty beckons and I'm not even up yet.

Have a great day y'all.

lessonlearned

Dorothy......I do believe in things like fate, destiny and karma. I think it was your destiny to meet Mr Dot. That's why it works so well.

Same with me and Mr LL. he just fell out of the sky......I was already seeing someone and wait for it......he was dating 3 other women. Yep he was quite Jack the Lad. :rotfl:

Neither of us were looking for a life partner. And yet it happened. He entered my life like a whirlwind. Resistance was fultile. :rotfl:

We had 34 glorious years. It was a blast.

I appreciate I will never experience that again but maybe I can get something pretty close to that. One thing for sure.....I won't settle for anything less than a thunderbolt. You know.......the "thing", the feeling that just tells you this is it.

It's pure magic when it happens and let's face it .....we all need a little magic in our lives. .

Wednesday2000

I've read Quiet too. I am an introvert. Introverts get drained of energy from human interaction while extroverts draw energy from it.

You might not think I was if you saw me in a group situation as I can appear quite bubbly but I need time on my own.:D

Apparently I have a folic acid deficiency so I need to be on supplements for that now. The symptoms are fatigue, tiredness, headaches etc... Similar to fibromyalgia and thyroid symptoms again.

Ho hum. I just went out to get my prescription and it wasn't ready and then had to go to the vet to pick up more syringes for my dog who has diabetes.

I wore my blue dress with leggings and sandals and my blue faux snake skin bag. It's a lovely day here today.

Dorothy60

I'm not a bit surprised that you have the ditched the online dating LL, my friend found it quite depressing. She and I went through a few profiles trying to look for likely candidates, and what struck me was that the ones who HAD made an effort, seemed to go too far IYSWIM - They were all there on their mountain bikes, and posing on the bottom of moutains lol - all looking very fit and outdoorsy, when in fact my friend is not a bit like that and enjoys nothing better than a nice meal, a bottle of red and a fag!! It must be so hard to sell yourself, then try to determine which bits of the profile are actually true!


I think that it is much easier for our adult children and their generation - they have grown up with technology and facebook etc - when we were young adults we met in pubs, and gigs, and nightclubs, and of course at work - the closure of so many pubs over the last 12 years seems to have hastenend the demise of a lot of F2F interaction.


Just on a side note, going back to my comment about you having so much fun - my MIL has been widowed since she was 49 and never remarried - she had a short relationship in her 50s which was very intense but fizzled out - fast forward 30 years and the gentleman came back on the scene and declared his undying love. She still had feelings for him but told him that she has such a nice life with her circle of lady friends and every day found something to laugh at with them, and wouldn't give it up for the world.


Everything is slotting into place for you now, LL - this will too - I am as certain of this as I have ever been of anything - you just watch this space

candygirl

LL I don't blame you, for binning online dating off.There's so many Richard Heads about nowadays;):rotfl:
WEDNESDAY, was your B12 level ok? It often is low along with folic , mine was
I'll have a look for Quiet! Although I come across as outgoing, I really really need my own space, a lot!
Just had the kitchen planner round.God i'm so bored with all this already lol:rotfl:

Wednesday2000

candygirl wrote: »

WEDNESDAY, was your B12 level ok? It often is low along with folic , mine was

I haven't got that back yet. I see my GP on Friday for hopefully the rest of the results.

lessonlearned

Hi Again.....I think there are a great deal of fallacies and a lot of misinformation at large about introverts.

Introverts are not anti social or afraid of social contact and most introverts aren't actually classed as shy or socially inept. Being an introvert doesn't mean that you have to shun social contact or become a recluse. However, being an introvert does mean that you might need more quiet downtime than an extrovert and that you might need to maintain some inner personal space.

Introverts can easily suffer from overwhelm ........brights lights, crowds, noise can be quite a problem. Motion sickness is also very common. An average or extrovert person will be largely unaffected by these things but for an introvert they can be a trigger to exhaustion and complete overwhelm, often leading to migraines, nausea and digestive issues.

Most introverts have sensitive nervous systems which can result in stomach upsets, and conditions such as fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue sysndrome. It's not that we are sick or ill as such it's just that we do seem to need more rest and more "alone time" than our more robust peers. Introverts definitely draw strength from being solitary from time to time, something which can baffle our more extrovert friends and family until they learn to appreciate and understand our need for peace, quiet and solitude.

Introverts are not cold or standoffish, they just need to be alone sometimes. Often introverts are criticised for appearing distant, unfeeling and lacking emotion. When in fact what introverts are actually doing is trying to maintain an equilibrium so they are not Overwhelmed by their feelings, senses and emotions.

As I have often said my husband was a real party animal, always full of beans and raring to go. The old opposites attract thing. He was drawn to my stillness and I was drawn to his energy.

At first I tried to keep up with him, working full time, partying every night. Something had to give. Luckily we found a compromise - I worked less and partied less, and he learned the value of a quiet night in. We worked out a happy medium. Occasionally I would stay at home whilst he would go away for a few days on a golfing trip with the lads. His football outings were also a time when I relished some peace and quiet alone time.

One thing that often goes unappreciated about introverts is that whilst many of us may appear to be physically weak and get tired very easily most introverts are extremely strong both emotionally and mentally. Many introverts have hidden depths and reserves and are able to withstand pressure, stress, emotional pain and trauma that can often floor our seemingly more robust extrovert peers.

I have seen many seemingly strong extroverts crumble when faced with stress or pressure, often caving in when their introvert peers can keep going. Of course there is a price to be paid for this inner core strength and it is usually our physical bodies that pay that price.

The successful introvert has learnt (usually the hard way:rotfl:) when they need to retreat back into their shells for a while and when they feel strong enough to return to the fray once more. It's all about managing resources.

Candy.....definitely read Quiet if you can. It explains it all much better than I can. It certainly helped me to a greater understanding.

lessonlearned

Dorothy .....what you say about the lack Of opportunity for F2F encounters for young people (all people for that matter) is so true.

Proper pubs where you you could sit and chat have been replaced by standing room only bars, where the music blasts out so loud you can't think let alone talk. My idea of hell on earth. And I'm not just a boring old fogey, I hear youngsters say the same thing. They start out hanging round the bars when they are in the late teens but soon give it up as a bad job. Ok with a gang of workmates to get rat @rs@d after work but that's about it.

Like you say it was much easier for us to meet people "back in the day". Dances, discos, pubs, nightclubs etc.

Our youngsters do cope better with technology than us but it's not really the same. There's no substitute for real life. I do think they miss out.

One thing my son has said is that he wants his kids to have a "proper childhood" like the one he enjoyed, getting outside, having real life friends and not getting too bogged duwn with technology.

Well today's fun........I was on granny duty so I took my grandson out and about in the sunshine, by the river to see the ducks, to the bank, to the flower stall to buy flowers for DS and DILs wedding anniversary and then to a coffee shop, where he flirted with a little girl, two months older than him.....little hussy leading him astray :rotfl:

Such simple pleasures but great fun. Then back home where DS cooked up a storm for a delicious family anniversary dinner. My baby ....3 years married. Lol.