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Grievance/Sexual Harassment

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Comments

  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ergates wrote: »
    What you think a person "in their right mind" would have done is irrelevant - none of it excuses the managers behaviour either before or after the grievance was raised. It would be reasonable for the OP to hope/expect that after the grievance case the manager would actually behave himself.

    You're about an inch away from "She was wearing a short skirt and drinking, she was asking for it".



    I think he's closer to "She was wearing a short skirt and drinking, she should ensure safe transport home"...
  • Ergates
    Ergates Posts: 3,480 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Comms69 wrote: »
    Personally I don't think treating women as helpless victims and white knighting at every opportunity is any better...


    The simple fact is the OP needs to stand up for herself and where inappropriate comments are made, she needs to say something.

    Seriously? "white knighting"? You've been hanging around red-pill forums too long.
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Ergates wrote: »
    What you think a person "in their right mind" would have done is irrelevant - none of it excuses the managers behaviour either before or after the grievance was raised. It would be reasonable for the OP to hope/expect that after the grievance case the manager would actually behave himself.

    You're about an inch away from "She was wearing a short skirt and drinking, she was asking for it".

    No, but it does put the op in a rather vulnerable position. That is relevant.

    His behaviour is not excusable. I am just suggesting it may be a bit naive thinking he would behave any differently outside work.
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Ergates wrote: »
    What point? You didn't have a point - you just made a factually inaccurate assertion.

    The point that it might have been wise to avoid the works do so soon after raising a grievance.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ergates wrote: »
    Seriously? "white knighting"? You've been hanging around red-pill forums too long.



    No I don't listen to the red-pill, blue-pill, black-pill nonsense.


    I tend to treat women like capable human beings, not toddlers...
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Comms69 wrote: »
    No I don't listen to the red-pill, blue-pill, black-pill nonsense.


    I tend to treat women like capable human beings, not toddlers...

    Red pill forums? I'm obviously not down with the kids lol
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    gomer wrote: »
    Red pill forums? I'm obviously not down with the kids lol



    MGTOW, INCELS, 'NiceGuys' - the usual tripe that leftists accuse men of being.


    It's worth looking at if you want to see how actual misogynists etc think. - unfortunately these days every man and his dog is a woman bashing sexist....
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Comms69 wrote: »
    MGTOW, INCELS, 'NiceGuys' - the usual tripe that leftists accuse men of being.


    It's worth looking at if you want to see how actual misogynists etc think. - unfortunately these days every man and his dog is a woman bashing sexist....

    Thanks for enlightening me on that. I'm actually afraid to Google now lol
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Anyway, all I'm trying to say (and possibly not too well) is that in these circumstances I myself would not have been going to a work do with an old letch like him present if I had raised a prior grievance against him. I very much doubt someone who behaves that appallingly in work is going to be any better behaved in Public.

    My bewilderment is in the op thinking he would behave any better.
  • Ergates
    Ergates Posts: 3,480 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Comms69 wrote: »
    I tend to treat women like capable human beings, not toddlers...

    I suggest that one way to do that is to believe what women tell you. When they say "I was being harassed", don't immediately start picking at what they're saying, suggesting their over-reacting, or misinterpreted things, or are partly to blame themselves for sending out "mixed signals" or by going to the staff party. Maybe you could accept that as capable human beings they can spot harassment when they see it. Maybe you could put a little *less* effort into dismissing what they say.

    Do you not think that maybe reactions like the ones in this very thread are one of the reasons that many women choose not to report harassment? I mean, what's the point if everyone is just going turn around and tell you you're imagining it.
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