Grievance/Sexual Harassment

Ergates

nicechap wrote: »

Nothing was published so there is NO EVIDENCE that any photo of the OP was taken, hence my questions.

He MAY have taken loads of photos for the staff magazine too, we do not know they were ALL were for facebook.

Ellestories wrote: »

My friend who was sitting next to me was also in the photo as well with me, he came over with his camera and told us to smile. When the photo was taken he wondered away taking more photos of everyone

The manager approached the OP and her friend, pointed a camera at them appeared to take their photo. Given this was indoors and most cameras will activate the flash when used indoors it would probably be pretty obvious if the picture was taken or not. I'm also going to assume that, being and adult, the OP is capable of telling when someone standing in front of them with a camera is taking their picture.

It's possible the manager just pretended to take the photo. But that in itself would be pretty weird behaviour - especially with someone who raised a grievance against you. On balance it seems more likely he *did* take the photo.

nicechap wrote: »

What I find strange is the, not being published as being the complaint. So being excluded from the group, that could be bullying but its not sexual harassment.

The complaint wasn't that the photo wasn't published, at all. The photo not being published just made the OP suspicious of the managers reasons for taking it. Given the wider context and previous incidents, this is not an unreasonable *suspicion*.

In isolation, the "photo incident" would indeed not be sexual harassment, or even bullying. If some other colleague had taken her photo and then not uploaded it with the others I very much doubt the OP would have given it a second thought. However it didn't occur in isolation, and it wasn't some other colleague.

Ergates

Samsung_Note2 wrote: »

Bang on mate its not a come on...its Unhygienic and id tell any one sitting on my desk get there fat !!!! off...do i need to remind you what we do through our bottoms.

Invested...oh do behave...i just think the poster is attention seeking and rather deluded.

Oh and dont hide behind your keyboard..if you have something to say or accuse me of then have the guts to say it..or keep your snide comments to yourself.

I think I was pretty clear but just in case:

I'm accusing you of being the type of person who, when someone makes a claim of harassment in the work place accuses them of being "attention seeking and rather deluded."

I'm accusing you of being the type of person who creates an environment that is hostile to women reporting sexual harassment and, by extension, is hostile to women themselves.

It's possible that you're somehow just oblivious to the impact this sort of behaviour has.

It's possible that you're aware of the impact and just don't care. Presumably because you just don't like women very much.

It's also possible this is deliberate behaviour on your part because you want to make it harder for women to report sexual harassment. Possibly because that's the type of think you have done in the past and you're worried about it coming out.

miriamac

gomer wrote: »

Because as I've said ad infinitum, there's a good chance the perpetrator will be present and he might cause problems. And in this case it seems I'm right. He was and he did.

Who on earth said anything about suggesting the sexual harassment didn't happen? Are you making things up again?

Well, there was a blatant accusation that the OP was giving out 'mixed messages' - based on a particular interpretation of her posts.

You also asked another poster what they were 'insinuating', with a smiley. What did you mean by that?

I won't bother trawling through the thread to dig out all other examples of the way that people cast doubt because someone doesn't act they say they are somehow 'expected' to. I think that would be a waste of my time.

At the end of the day, the OP has a right to go to the office do. The perpetrator has a responsibility to behave responsibly.

Ellestories

I don’t feel that I should post things on this thread anymore due to the language towards me, saying I’m deluded, that I am sending mixed messages and attention seeking. That I’m making up stories, I’m actually hurt by the things people have said and I’m rather insulted. I do stand up for myself but in this case, it took me eleven months to even say anything yet alone admit myself that I was sexually harassed by this man. I came on here for advice and not to be insulted.
At the end of the day, I’m a twenty eight year old woman who was sexually harassed by thirty eight year old male manager who thought it was ok to talk to me that way. When I first met him I thought he was a complete gentleman until one night he opened his mouth and asked me if I had boyfriend.

gomer

miriamac wrote: »

Well, there was a blatant accusation that the OP was giving out 'mixed messages' - based on a particular interpretation of her posts.

You also asked another poster what they were 'insinuating', with a smiley. What did you mean by that?

I won't bother trawling through the thread to dig out all other examples of the way that people cast doubt because someone doesn't act they say they are somehow 'expected' to. I think that would be a waste of my time.

At the end of the day, the OP has a right to go to the office do. The perpetrator has a responsibility to behave responsibly.

1) you seem confused about the meaning of the word 'accusation)

2) clearly something WAS being insinuated & I was curious what.

3) if you think someone who says things like that in the office will be better behaved in Public you're at best naive.;)


May or possibly be giving out mixed messages = suggestion/observation

Is giving out mixed messages = accusation

nicechap

Ergates wrote: »

The manager approached the OP and her friend, pointed a camera at them appeared to take their photo. Given this was indoors and most cameras will activate the flash when used indoors it would probably be pretty obvious if the picture was taken or not. I'm also going to assume that, being and adult, the OP is capable of telling when someone standing in front of them with a camera is taking their picture.

It's possible the manager just pretended to take the photo. But that in itself would be pretty weird behaviour - especially with someone who raised a grievance against you. On balance it seems more likely he *did* take the photo.



The complaint wasn't that the photo wasn't published, at all. The photo not being published just made the OP suspicious of the managers reasons for taking it. Given the wider context and previous incidents, this is not an unreasonable *suspicion*.

In isolation, the "photo incident" would indeed not be sexual harassment, or even bullying. If some other colleague had taken her photo and then not uploaded it with the others I very much doubt the OP would have given it a second thought. However it didn't occur in isolation, and it wasn't some other colleague.

I agree that the manager may not have taken a photo as there's no photo to see.

Like you I suspect they actually did take photos but the more likely explanation is that the OP's forced smile made for embarrassing photos and rather leave himself open to further allegations chose to be discreet and not publish pictures which colleagues would make fun off.

Sometimes you can't win whatever you do.

Comms69

Ellestories wrote: »

I don’t feel that I should post things on this thread anymore due to the language towards me, saying I’m deluded, that I am sending mixed messages and attention seeking. That I’m making up stories, I’m actually hurt by the things people have said and I’m rather insulted. I do stand up for myself but in this case, it took me eleven months to even say anything yet alone admit myself that I was sexually harassed by this man. I came on here for advice and not to be insulted.
At the end of the day, I’m a twenty eight year old woman who was sexually harassed by thirty eight year old male manager who thought it was ok to talk to me that way. When I first met him I thought he was a complete gentleman until one night he opened his mouth and asked me if I had boyfriend.

If it took you 11 months to decide whether it was or wasn’t appropriate it does leave some doubt on his interpretation of the situation.

It’s not what you want to hear; just giving a view an employer might take

gomer

^^^this.

Hence why he might have thought he may have been given mixed signals.

Ilona

Ellestories wrote: »

I do stand up for myself but in this case, it took me eleven months to even say anything yet alone admit myself that I was sexually harassed by this man.

You could have nipped it in the bud ages ago, why keep it to yourself for 11 months. There is only one way to get your message across when the perpetrator doesn't take the hint that you are not interested. Look them squarely in the face, as close as you can, just two words said with conviction would do it......efffffff offffffff.

How do I know this? I worked with men for 32 years as a lorry driver. Was I sexually harassed, you bet I was. I had to grow a pair quite early on if I was to survive. I could swear as well as they did. It's the only way, no faffing about, tell them straight.
:beer:
ilona

Ellestories

Women are silent for years without saying anything to their harasser and I was generally scared of this man so don’t you dare say that I gave him mixed signals. I did once confront him saying I was going to report him for his actions but he said i shouldn’t and threatened me.