Medical Expenses: Brother Very Ill in Thailand

Pollycat

humptydumptybits wrote: »

As the mother of grown up sons I'd be devestated too.

So maybe you'd write your will differently so that one child could stay in the house and the other child not benefit...

Or be fair and leave the house jointly to your children and let them sort it out.
Or it might turn out that one of your children felt that it wasn't fair that the child who didn't live in the family house should want their inheritance.
That's the situation here.
Your situation may be different.

missprice

humptydumptybits wrote: »

As the mother of grown up sons I'd be devestated too.

But we bring our children up to be independent. Not live for siblings.
Yes I would be upset that they didn't like each other enough to help out.
The pragmatic view is that one did something unforgivable to the other.
Which in this case is true.

humptydumptybits

Pollycat wrote: »

So maybe you'd write your will differently so that one child could stay in the house and the other child not benefit...

Or be fair and leave the house jointly to your children and let them sort it out.
Or it might turn out that one of your children felt that it wasn't fair that the child who didn't live in the family house should want their inheritance.
That's the situation here.
Your situation may be different.

I wasn't thinking of the house I was thinking of one child seriously ill in a foreign hospital and their siblings not doing anything to help them.

humptydumptybits

missprice wrote: »

But we bring our children up to be independent. Not live for siblings.
Yes I would be upset that they didn't like each other enough to help out.
The pragmatic view is that one did something unforgivable to the other.
Which in this case is true.

It was money, my siblings would have to do more than have a row about a will to make me leave them sick in a foreign hospital. I might not agree with what they've done but blood is thicker than water. Well it is for some.

missprice

humptydumptybits wrote: »

It was money, my siblings would have to do more than have a row about a will to make me leave them sick in a foreign hospital. I might not agree with what they've done but blood is thicker than water. Well it is for some.

It's been 20 years of no contact, from either side.
If the one in Thailand had wanted to he could at any time have made contact.
It's very telling that it's taken an illness and (presumably) a lack of money to finally make contact. After 20 years I would have forgotten I ever had a brother (I don't have any siblings btw)
It's not only for the UK one to make peace, its a two way thing.

Red-Squirrel_2

missprice wrote: »

It's been 20 years of no contact, from either side.
If the one in Thailand had wanted to he could at any time have made contact.
It's very telling that it's taken an illness and (presumably) a lack of money to finally make contact. After 20 years I would have forgotten I ever had a brother (I don't have any siblings btw)
It's not only for the UK one to make peace, its a two way thing.

To be fair, it sounds like the brother is unconscious on ICU, so he won’t have been the one to make contact I wouldn’t have thought.

Pollycat

humptydumptybits wrote: »

I wasn't thinking of the house I was thinking of one child seriously ill in a foreign hospital and their siblings not doing anything to help them.

missprice wrote: »

It's been 20 years of no contact, from either side.
If the one in Thailand had wanted to he could at any time have made contact.
It's very telling that it's taken an illness and (presumably) a lack of money to finally make contact. After 20 years I would have forgotten I ever had a brother (I don't have any siblings btw)
It's not only for the UK one to make peace, its a two way thing.

And to add to missprice's post - it was the brother who is ill in Thailand who chose to sever ties with the OP.

jsoap5 wrote: »

My brother and I split over selling the house we inherited from our parents. I wanted to sell, he didn't. He was living there, I was living elsewhere. The sale was financially equitable (as far as I know) but he had said he wouldn't speak to me again if I went through with the sale. So be it!

And as for this phrase:

humptydumptybits wrote: »

It was money, my siblings would have to do more than have a row about a will to make me leave them sick in a foreign hospital. I might not agree with what they've done but blood is thicker than water. Well it is for some.

you may be interested in this

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think that would depend on whether you are meaning the current understanding of that phrase, or the original (correct) meaning which is actually the opposite of how we use it today;)

The original meaning of the adage was that the ties forged on the battlefield (in blood) are stronger than those forged in water (the womb)

My personal view - also expressed on the thread the above quote is from - is that I personally don't feel any obligation to anyone who is part of my family simply because they are part of my family and we just happen to share the same bloodline.

humptydumptybits

Pollycat wrote: »

My personal view - also expressed on the thread the above quote is from - is that I personally don't feel any obligation to anyone who is part of my family simply because they are part of my family and we just happen to share the same bloodline.

But would your mother be disappointed with that? I was speaking as a mother, although I am also a sibling.

Marisco

humptydumptybits wrote: »

But would your mother be disappointed with that? I was speaking as a mother, although I am also a sibling.

As a mother, yes I would be upset. However, as a mother I also know what my kids are like, I presume this mother did also. If she knew (or guessed) one sibling would be liable to kick off, then she should have done her will in such a way that it would not have occured.

Pollycat

humptydumptybits wrote: »

But would your mother be disappointed with that? I was speaking as a mother, although I am also a sibling.

And this may be part of the reason why our opinions differ.
Also from the other thread:

Pollycat wrote: »

I think I possibly understand our difference of opinion.
You are looking at it from a parent's viewpoint, but I - as a person without children - am seeing it from a sibling's perspective.
As is the OP.

Why would my Mother be disappointed?
I'm a grown woman. I've already said that I don't feel any obligation to any of my family simply because they are family.

But were I in the circumstances the OP is in, my Mother would understand very well.
One of my siblings is estranged from the whole family - including my Mother - and has been for some years.
My Mother would not expect me to help in any way.