Prenup stay at home mum

Gsnorth

My fianc! and I have been engaged for a year and just had a (planned) baby. This is a second marriage for both of us. There are no other children. We have agreed that I will be a stay at home mum after my maternity leave finishes as his job involves a lot of time away. I am financially weaker than him by £250000. We are currently renting but about to buy a house which will be our family home. He is putting down the deposit and will be paying the mortgage. He earns a very good salary and will save for renovations etc. He has suddenly sprung on me that he wants a prenup to protect his premarital assets and does not want to put me on the deeds. Any advice please?

elsien

Consider what happens in 10 years time if you split up and haven't married in the meantime:

You are left as a homeless single parent, possibly on a lower wage due to your career break. He gets an asset which has appreciated over the years with no recognition of your input to the family.

On the grounds of hope for the best and plan for the worst, would you consider that a fair outcome?

Comms69

Pre nips mean very little in this country; but it does feel like a big betrayal. Sign nothing. See what he does then

Red-Squirrel_2

Hell no.

He's waited until you're in the very vulnerable position of a tiny baby and a reduction in your earning power to spring this on you, that's so that you feel you have no choice but to agree.

You do have a choice, you're a family now, ask him to tell you what that means to him and take it from there.

Actually I think my first question would be "are you joking?"

Kynthia

I know it doesn't help you now but to anyone who is reading this please get married before having children. Marriage is protection for a partner who sacrifices their income and earning potebtial. In a split it helps to ensure assets are split fairly rather than just according to who owns what in their name.

OP you need a heart to heart with your partner. Ask why now after a planned baby, what are his fears, what has changed or did he always intend this but kept it from you? Tell him you feel betrayed and vulnerable, like he only values money, doesn't value your sacrifices and what you contribute to your family. It feels like he's waited until you can't leave and ate reliant on him to exert his authority over you, changing the balance in your relationship and exerting his authority over you.

If it was me I would not make a home in a place I didn't own and where it was planned for that to be the case. Unless the pre-nup was extremely generous then I would refuse to give up work, as how could I trust I would be supported enough to be financially vulnerable and impact my career and earning potential for life. I would insist he pull his weight as a parent when it came to childcare drop-offs/collections and days off to look after a sick child and maybe see if it makes him realise the value in what you'd be giving up or at least make him realise he's only focusing on money.

I'm not against pre-nups when there's a family business at inherited asset that was in existence long before a potential spouse came on the scene and is more than just that individual's possession but is bigger than that and intended to be passed to other family or children. However I otherwise think marriage involves both parties contributions, sacrifices and commitment being valued rather than just the financial.

Tom99

Tell him that's ok and the pre-nup will reflect also your £1,000 per week charge as full time nanny and housekeeper.

username12345678

Either sign or don't get married.

Happier_Me

Is there a compromise in this somewhere? You're together, you're starting a family, you're clearly making necessary sacrifices to raise your children, otherwise your family unit wouldn't work. That needs to be recognised.

But he is contributing financially more than you and you haven't contributed to the wealth he has built up to this point, so is it wrong for him to try to protect some of that? I get it to some degree... I'm not in the same position admittedly: married, female, too old for more kids and my husband I have contributed financially much more evenly to the household... and I would NOT risk my assets in a second marriage if this one was to fail. His timing is terrible though.

Is there a compromise that allows him to protect some of his prior relationship assets? For instance, you buy together but a higher % of the house is his or he receives X amount of equity on splitting with the rest then split between the two of you. Or he protects a portion of his pension wealth built up now.

You have three options I think...sign up (really don't do this), refuse outright or start talking and find a compromise that you're both comfortable with. Oh and get married...

comeandgo

Did he get shafted by his first divorce? If he wants you to give up your career and become his employee to do all the things that give him an easy life then he should give you a wage. That wage could include a sliding scale of "entitlement ". Let's say your contribution to family life after ten years entitles you to half of assets.

PasturesNew

I'd sign it. What was his should remain his "if". That's only fair in my book.

Yes, as a couple, "what's his is mine, what's mine's his", but it'd be repugnant to me to see "what he had before he met me" as in any way mine. While he's sharing with me the benefit of what he has, within a relationship, it's fine to use/accept/enjoy that; if there's a relationship breakdown he should be able to have back what he started with.

If you're sitting on the kerb with nothing to do and a boy comes up to you in the street with a football and asks "wanna play?" and you play football together.... but then it's your tea time and you want to leave and go home, he shouldn't have to cut his ball in half and give you half. Ditto if his mum calls him in for tea.

Hard_Up_Hester

Sorry I disagree that marriage offers protection financially.
But you shouldn't sign a pre nup.