Maintenance & Car

missg2210

thorsoak wrote: »

So, in the 18 months that you have been together, you have effectively cut the money that he pays to the mother of his child (with whom it might reasonably be said to have had a relationship lasting more than two to three years at lest) by almost 50%?

Nice.

No I did not cut anything. Something else he was paying for which finished this year.

missg2210

cheeky-peach wrote: »

I think it’s the principle for the £200 that would gripe me, not the value. If it was £50 for a car I’d feel the same as you. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship, they split up when DD was 2 because his ex had an affair (not that it matters now) and my partner has said before that he’s had to tread careful as she could stop us seeing DD at any point just because she has that control but I know he’d never fund the ex’s lifestyle, be it a car or a posh coffee each week. I think the value isn’t the real issue here, it’s the fact that he’s funding a lifestyle luxury that lots of other people with and without children cannot afford. People managed before without all owning a car each so I’m sure something could be sorted.

Thank you. This is exactly where I am coming from

Rubik

How does his financial support of his child impact on your finances? Are you left to pay for household bills, mortgage, etc or expected to pay for him when you go out?

BrassicWoman

car = easier to take kids to after school activities and outings
no car = kids get to do less and are less well rounded

I honestly think you are being massively petty and are in no way ready to move in with him

When I have dated people with kids I accept there's a cash implication and have funded treats for kids myself. They're a package deal I don't think you are ready for.

thorsoak

He is paying £200 a month to ensure that his child is in a car which should be safe - would you rather that he bought his ex-partner a £500 banger which might not pass the next MOT?

Red-Squirrel_2

missg2210 wrote: »

Thank you for assuming but he wasn’t married & we had no overlap.

Did he leave her for you?

heartbreak_star

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Did he leave her for you?

Does it really matter? I'm not sure it does...people can change who they are in love with, surely?

HBS x

Red-Squirrel_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Does it really matter? I'm not sure it does...people can change who they are in love with, surely?

HBS x

It probably matters very much to the ex, probably quite a bit to the OP's partner if he has a shred of decency in him and feels guilt. It probably doesn't matter at all to the OP but maybe it should?

The chid is 3, its at least 18 months since he left, its incredibly sad for the child and the mother.

Rubik

Rubik wrote: »

How does his financial support of his child impact on your finances? Are you left to pay for household bills, mortgage, etc or expected to pay for him when you go out?

Just read that you live in your own house, and not together. Even more astounding that you are trying to influence his spending on his child.

heartbreak_star

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

It probably matters very much to the ex, probably quite a bit to the OP's partner if he has a shred of decency in him and feels guilt. It probably doesn't matter at all to the OP but maybe it should?

The chid is 3, its at least 18 months since he left, its incredibly sad for the child and the mother.

My first thought is that the main person it probably matters to is the ex, but unfortunately she doesn't really have a choice in the situation...

My POV on the whole thing now that we have more info is that I can understand why the OP is narked, but also why the ex wants a decent car to ferry the little one about in.

It does seem odd that the OP's partner says he's skint after the £700 payout - he must be running a pretty high-cost household himself...

Still musing. It's a slow-brain Friday

HBS x