Maintenance & Car

missg2210

I’m not saying it is although it did sound like that but what I meant was nothing is scrimped on for him. & it shouldn’t be. But it should be for her in my opinion....

But also it shouldn’t then affect us too. I am well aware I will never be number 1 & I shouldn’t be. I feel I have been incredibly fair & laid back this past year cos it isn’t my direct business.... but when I start to be forgotton & things we could do shunned that’s when I make it my business

missg2210

thorsoak wrote: »

Apologies - it was me who quoted £1,200. What I meant to say is that between you, you are earning £120,000 and you are quibbling over £2,400.

The child is 3 years old - how long have you and your partner been together?

18 months

May not be a long time but hey

I know it sounds like I’m quibbling over 200 & I understand it looks like a Minor issue & that I may be being dramatic.... dont worry I am not deluded.... but it’s the bigger picture. I’m now being told we can’t afford to do things (laughable) so how can you still be affording that?

For anyone who says pay yourself... I usually do tbh. I’m not someone that needs anything and every expects anyone to pay for me & I am well adverse to treating a partner.... it’s the wider issue of being 3rd best and usually forgotton.

I get to keep the peace but before this he was sending 1300 per month. So it can be sorted IMO

kelloggs36

Your relationship is worth more or less than the £200 difference per month? If the money is that important, then you are not in the right relationship. He wants his child to have a happy life and if that means that he pays for the ex's car then what a great bloke I say! He clearly takes his responsibilities seriously and a child is a huge responsibility. The child's needs and stability clearly comes first to him and that is only right. Money isn't everything though - do you love him enough to put it aside? The child will always be a part of his life and will always need money in some form. Later on if they go to uni, he will probably want to help out there and maybe he might want to contribute to a deposit on a house or buy the child a car. The possibilities are endless. Your choice is whether money comes first or your relationship.

missg2210

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Your relationship is worth more or less than the £200 difference per month? If the money is that important, then you are not in the right relationship. He wants his child to have a happy life and if that means that he pays for the ex's car then what a great bloke I say! He clearly takes his responsibilities seriously and a child is a huge responsibility. The child's needs and stability clearly comes first to him and that is only right. Money isn't everything though - do you love him enough to put it aside? The child will always be a part of his life and will always need money in some form. Later on if they go to uni, he will probably want to help out there and maybe he might want to contribute to a deposit on a house or buy the child a car. The possibilities are endless. Your choice is whether money comes first or your relationship.

I think the way I’m made to feel forgotton is my main issue and yes it’s only 200 but it’s part of the issue because I’m just an after thought.

I am never saying I need to be number 1. Ever.

Money isn’t everything but spending time is for me and if that’s means I want to holiday then on our wages it shouldn’t be be an issue (I’m only talking a 400 all inc deal nout excessive) We genuinely get little time together as it is and I get that it’s like that’s for every family but shift work is a nightmare.

Do I love him enough.... that’s the big q.

Red-Squirrel_2

missg2210 wrote: »

Do I love him enough.... that’s the big q.

Doesn't sound like it.

It sounds like you need a partner with no children. Reading between the lines, starting affairs with (married?) fathers isn't the way to go about that, for future reference. :cool:

cheeky-peach

I think it’s the principle for the £200 that would gripe me, not the value. If it was £50 for a car I’d feel the same as you. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship, they split up when DD was 2 because his ex had an affair (not that it matters now) and my partner has said before that he’s had to tread careful as she could stop us seeing DD at any point just because she has that control but I know he’d never fund the ex’s lifestyle, be it a car or a posh coffee each week. I think the value isn’t the real issue here, it’s the fact that he’s funding a lifestyle luxury that lots of other people with and without children cannot afford. People managed before without all owning a car each so I’m sure something could be sorted.

Red-Squirrel_2

cheeky-peach wrote: »

I think it’s the principle for the £200 that would gripe me, not the value. If it was £50 for a car I’d feel the same as you. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship, they split up when DD was 2 because his ex had an affair (not that it matters now) and my partner has said before that he’s had to tread careful as she could stop us seeing DD at any point just because she has that control but I know he’d never fund the ex’s lifestyle, be it a car or a posh coffee each week. I think the value isn’t the real issue here, it’s the fact that he’s funding a lifestyle luxury that lots of other people with and without children cannot afford. People managed before without all owning a car each so I’m sure something could be sorted.

The child’s mother having a car benefits the child, a 3 year old can’t get themselves around! It might not be strictly 100% essential but so are loads of things parents do for their kids because they love them.

thorsoak

missg2210 wrote: »

18 months

May not be a long time but hey

I know it sounds like I’m quibbling over 200 & I understand it looks like a Minor issue & that I may be being dramatic.... dont worry I am not deluded.... but it’s the bigger picture. I’m now being told we can’t afford to do things (laughable) so how can you still be affording that?

For anyone who says pay yourself... I usually do tbh. I’m not someone that needs anything and every expects anyone to pay for me & I am well adverse to treating a partner.... it’s the wider issue of being 3rd best and usually forgotton.

I get to keep the peace but before this he was sending 1300 per month. So it can be sorted IMO

So, in the 18 months that you have been together, you have effectively cut the money that he pays to the mother of his child (with whom it might reasonably be said to have had a relationship lasting more than two to three years at lest) by almost 50%?

Nice.

Rubik

I believe 500 is ample for the child
before this he was sending 1300 per month.

It's not up to you to decide what amount your partner should be paying towards his child. I am actually lost for words that you have been instrumental in him more than halving the CM amount.

If you continue to interfere in his financial support of his child, you will drive him away.

missg2210

Thank you for assuming but he wasn’t married & we had no overlap.