Maintenance & Car

missg2210

Comms69 wrote: »

To be honest it wouldn't matter, child maintenance isn't backdated anymore. BUT that's not the point really - I understand this is causing you frustration.


Given you're both on very reasonable wages, what is it that you cant afford to do?


I think that this is more likely a financial incompatibility than it is about £200. At the end of the day, if between you there isn't a spare £200, then something is very wrong.

It’s not me that can’t afford it’s him. I’m the savviest saver ever I love saving towards goals etc. Days out holidays just anything really. Luxuries whichever people may not find important but for shift works who have maybe 2 same days off a month it is to me

missg2210

retepetsir wrote: »

On 60k the contribution should be around £123 a week/£500 a month....so cut the car?

Exactly what he gives no arguement at all on this

I’m just wondering if the car can be incorporated into tht as the arguement will be it’s for the child.

Comms69

missg2210 wrote: »

It’s not me that can’t afford it’s him. I’m the savviest saver ever I love saving towards goals etc. Days out holidays just anything really. Luxuries whichever people may not find important but for shift works who have maybe 2 same days off a month it is to me

Sorry I wasn't implying that you were bad with money. Have you not been together long? Do you live together?


It's fine to have separate finances of course; but his outgoings are more than yours, so if you want to do something, what's to stop you doing or, or paying for it?


I really don't believe that £200 would change anything in the grand scheme given the incomes involved it's basically a days wages.

missg2210

It’s all separate. I’m in the process of looking for a house in which he would be coming to live with me. house solely in my name.

Nothing I could pay 800 for us to holiday but my point is he says he can’t afford anything yet continually pays out extra for her luxury. Drives me insane as I know how much we both get.

Comms69

missg2210 wrote: »

It’s all separate. I’m in the process of looking for a house in which he would be coming to live with me. house solely in my name. - Would he be paying you rent?

Nothing I could pay 800 for us to holiday but my point is he says he can’t afford anything yet continually pays out extra for her luxury. Drives me insane as I know how much we both get.

Ye I totally understand.


Look at it this way; for you it's an unnecessary expense - fair enough.
For him it's a small price to pay to have easy access to his child also fair enough.


I would be concerned that if you convince him to cut off this £200 and he ends up in a court battle; you'll end up feeling like the bad guy.


I haven't asked, but how old is the child?


I think you both need to sit down and talk; but not necessarily this aspect. I believe that the issues aren't necessarily linked to this £200, but maybe a bit deeper about you feeling unloved.

missg2210

Comms69 wrote: »

Ye I totally understand.


Look at it this way; for you it's an unnecessary expense - fair enough.
For him it's a small price to pay to have easy access to his child also fair enough.


I would be concerned that if you convince him to cut off this £200 and he ends up in a court battle; you'll end up feeling like the bad guy.


I haven't asked, but how old is the child?


I think you both need to sit down and talk; but not necessarily this aspect. I believe that the issues aren't necessarily linked to this £200, but maybe a bit deeper about you feeling unloved.

The child is 3. Lovely lil kid he really isn’t a problem. It isn’t easy access... i so wish it was. Some weeks he gets 3 hours others he gets 1 overnight. But max 24hrs as that’s all he is allowed.

He isn’t interested in talking which again is frustrating. I don’t want to get involved with the child... once a month is enough for me because the contact shouldn’t be with me every time... but once in a blue moon it would be nice to feel included.

I actually feel like I’m Doing all right things I should be.. not being involved working ym life around it.... but when do I say enough is enough.

Thanks for your replies btw x

Working_Mum

The £500 is a BARE minimum he has to pay based on Government website calculations - IF HE wants to pay for HIS CHILD's car then that is completely down to him.

It is not our place to judge HIM - who hasn't even posted his girlfriend has - as to how a fully grown man spends his cash.

missg2210

Working_Mum wrote: »

The £500 is a BARE minimum he has to pay based on Government website calculations - IF HE wants to pay for HIS CHILD's car then that is completely down to him.

It is not our place to judge HIM - who hasn't even posted his girlfriend has - as to how a fully grown man spends his cash.

500 is crazy amount. We never had that from my dad. It is also not a minimum along with all the clothes we buy as well as days out and other things he does.

It isn’t his child’s car.... it’s his exes. We could swap cars no issues we have the car back in his name and she gets the old clapped out one.

But thank a for you our input working mum.

Poppy1984

I read your post and the replies and I feel for you I really do, my advice would be to walk away if the situation is making you unhappy. Sadly we can't change people or their behaviour it has to come from them. He must be happy with the situation if he's not willing to change it or discuss it. You can nag him all you want, you can tell him what people have said on here, he may even back down and stop the car payments but my guess is he'll end up paying for other things if not the car if he's trying to keep ex on side so he can see his son.
I know you probably don't want to walk away from him but if he's not giving you what you need from a relationship e.g. having the extra £200 to do nice things together (when you can clearly see he would have if he weren't paying for the exes car) then walk away someone else will. If you love him and want to be with him even though he chooses to give his ex money for a car and that means that you can't do the nice things you have worked hard for and can afford then accept it and stay with him.
Honestly people go into relationships all the time thinking you can stop people doing things or change them. You can't, most of the time people are going to do what they want to do and if you nag them they'll either lie about it or if they stop resent you.
I wish you lots of luck xxxx

thorsoak

You are both on around £60k and you are quibbling about £1,200? Unbelievable!