Help please - my husband not paying the mortgage

Kynthia

Maybe speak to a good mortgage broker. Perhaps you can remortgage one or both of the properties to lower rates and extend the terms to the maximum in order to reduce the monthly payment.

Gavin83

yulita11 wrote: »

- him to cover the mortgage payments and live in the flat until our youngest one becomes 18. Then sell the flat and split at 50% to my husband, and 25% each for the kids with the rights to buy each other out if they wish/can.

I assume that's not all your solicitor is offering? So I'm assuming the house you're currently living in is also part of that 50% split? If you're basically offering him half the flat and keeping everything else I can understand why he'd refuse, that's a terrible offer.

I'm assuming given your high PAYE salary you've also got a much better pension than him too? The unfortunate situation is in your eyes you're likely to do quite badly in this divorce. The starting point is 50/50 of all assets and in all honesty given the circumstances it's likely won't deviate too far from this.

I have to ask why are you on your 5th solicitor? What was wrong with the rest?

-taff

He doesn't have the right o keep you out of the flat so if you wanted to, you get a locksmith to go and break in and change the locks again. However, you don't have the right to keep him out of the house either unless you have some kind of restraining order on him, so hello rock and hard place.
Mo idea how long the financial side will take. Your solicitor would be able to help there. You could have a look for more specialised forums regarding divorce etc...

yulita11

I assume that's not all your solicitor is offering? So I'm assuming the house you're currently living in is also part of that 50% split? If you're basically offering him half the flat and keeping everything else I can understand why he'd refuse, that's a terrible offer.

It's quite a good offer considering that covering the mortgage payments means living cheaply for the next 9 years. Mortgage payments are way cheaper than the rent on that flat. Taking into account his inability to take the mortgage on his name and unwillingness to work. Even if he is to take the flat now, that'd be about 50K cash (roughly 30% of the flat), and knowing him that'll last about a year or so.
He does no financial planning, does not budget, spends a lot of money. I've always dealt with finances in our family, hence I want to give him a chance to get on the housing ladder. He'd still be able to save up whilst covering the mortgage even if he'd be on a minimum wage! And in 9 years time he can buy the kids out.
So if you had a financially clueless teenager, and you had to be giving him something - would you give him the lumpsum or the opportunity to improve/work/pay with the lights in the end of the tunnel? Otherwise he'd be renting and possibly on housing benefits...

I have to ask why are you on your 5th solicitor? What was wrong with the rest?

All were offering free one hour consultation. So why not try all five and see how it feels? What's wrong with that?

However, you don't have the right to keep him out of the house either unless you have some kind of restraining order on him

I do, he cannot enter my house due to his violent behaviour and threats. I didn't push for the non-molestation order, he gave an Undertaking instead.

He doesn't have the right o keep you out of the flat so if you wanted to, you get a locksmith to go and break in and change the locks again.

I've researched that and actually no, I cannot... I need some proof of residency there apparently and I don't have that. Breaking into the flat is not what I'm after. I want him to start acknowledging his share of responsibility and start paying.

The starting point is 50/50 of all assets and in all honesty given the circumstances it's likely won't deviate too far from this.

So, he can put virtually NOTHING in (financially or emotionally), and still get out with 50%?.. I thought the court should take into account how much it'd cost to bring the children up etc.
I know life isn't fair, but am I basically better off giving up my job and my house altogether and going on income support? At the moment it feels like I'm being penalised for doing well at work and building my career.

marliepanda

yulita11 wrote: »

So, he can put virtually NOTHING in (financially or emotionally), and still get out with 50%?.. I thought the court should take into account how much it'd cost to bring the children up etc.
I know life isn't fair, but am I basically better off giving up my job and my house altogether and going on income support? At the moment it feels like I'm being penalised for doing well at work and building my career.

At the end of the day you chose to be with this man for over 17 years.

You chose to marry this man. You chose to have 2 children with this man, one of which was 9 years ago. So after 8 years with this man you thought another child was a viable thing to do with him.

You may see it as being penalised ubt these are your choices. No one forced you to marry a man who isnt supportive emotionally or financially. You chose to be with him and financially tie yourself to him.

Are you saying he contributed in NO way at all to the upbringing of the children? Never looked after them whilst you worked? Never did a thing? If thats true, then I do feel sorry fro you, but, you married him...

If you really feel you'll be better on income support then crack on. You can forget the 2 houses, and you can forget the elaborate christmas presents for the children, and you can forget your children having respect for their mother who built up a good career.

Gavin83

yulita11 wrote: »

All were offering free one hour consultation. So why not try all five and see how it feels? What's wrong with that?

Nothing at all, just wondered if there was a reason you'd had so many. I assumed the other four weren't suitable in some way but 'playing the field' makes sense.

yulita11 wrote: »

So, he can put virtually NOTHING in (financially or emotionally), and still get out with 50%?.. I thought the court should take into account how much it'd cost to bring the children up etc.
I know life isn't fair, but am I basically better off giving up my job and my house altogether and going on income support? At the moment it feels like I'm being penalised for doing well at work and building my career.

Well, yes, that's the starting point. How long have you been married? You did say 'our children' but I'm assuming both are actually his?

It might not be fair but you need to get out the mindset of 'my assets' and 'his assets'. There's no such thing, being a married couple it's a collective 'your assets'. It's hard to comment accurately without knowing the equity in the properties, any pensions and other assets. However given that there's likely more equity in the house than the flat, you're offering him 50% of the current flat equity and I'm assuming you've a much better pension than him your offer likely amounts to 15-20% of the total assets, if that. His solicitor (I'm assuming he has one!) who will advice him he's entitled to 50% of the assets, therefore he'll never accept such a deal. Unfair? Maybe, although if the genders were reversed you'd be blasted for that on here. However I guess if you don't offer you don't get but don't be surprised if he says no.

As for the children they'll give you an advantage. However the oldest will likely be considered an independent adult by the time the divorce goes through and therefore he'll be disregarded, the youngest certainly will be considered though. However this doesn't go as far as some people think and given that your earning potential is much higher that will be taken into account.

It's likely that whatever the final outcome here you'll feel hard done by. My advice would be to feel the least bitter about it as possible when the time comes and move on.

gettingtheresometime

Gavin83 wrote: »

Nothing at all, just wondered if there was a reason you'd had so many. I assumed the other four weren't suitable in some way but 'playing the field' makes sense.



Well, yes, that's the starting point. How long have you been married? You did say 'our children' but I'm assuming both are actually his?

It might not be fair but you need to get out the mindset of 'my assets' and 'his assets'. There's no such thing, being a married couple it's a collective 'your assets'. It's hard to comment accurately without knowing the equity in the properties, any pensions and other assets. However given that there's likely more equity in the house than the flat, you're offering him 50% of the current flat equity and I'm assuming you've a much better pension than him your offer likely amounts to 15-20% of the total assets, if that. His solicitor (I'm assuming he has one!) who will advice him he's entitled to 50% of the assets, therefore he'll never accept such a deal. Unfair? Maybe, although if the genders were reversed you'd be blasted for that on here. However I guess if you don't offer you don't get but don't be surprised if he says no.

As for the children they'll give you an advantage. However the oldest will likely be considered an independent adult by the time the divorce goes through and therefore he'll be disregarded, the youngest certainly will be considered though. However this doesn't go as far as some people think and given that your earning potential is much higher that will be taken into account.

It's likely that whatever the final outcome here you'll feel hard done by. My advice would be to feel the least bitter about it as possible when the time comes and move on.

If there was one piece of advice that I would endorse it would be this for the sake of both you and your children.

Savvy_Sue

yulita11 wrote: »

I know life isn't fair, but am I basically better off giving up my job and my house altogether and going on income support? At the moment it feels like I'm being penalised for doing well at work and building my career.

No. Put your details into a site like entitled to as if you weren't working and see how you like the result. Then factor in the known difficulties of UC (no idea when that's being rolled out in your area, but it is coming).

Your best strategy is to initiate divorce proceedings as soon as possible with a rottweiler of a solicitor. See if anyone you know has used any of those you've consulted so far.

Happier_Me

OP, you made a decision to marry someone that is immature and irresponsible. Unfortunately these traits aren't taken into consideration in the divorce courts. You could have earned every penny that's entered the household AND took responsibility for all childcare and household chores from the dawn of time...and the starting point in a divorce financially would still be 50/50 on all marital assets. That's equity, savings, pensions....

With responsibility for the children I expect you would get the biggest share, but I think you need to accept the fact that the house and flat belong to both you and your husband in the eyes of the law, that any pensions you have could be shared in the eyes of the law... and find a way to settle your divorce and financial affairs quickly. In other words work with a solicitor to draw up a more realistic c offer. Your ex might be lots of things but I don't think he's a fool..

I really do feel for you, I would feel very bitter too. But you need to cut your losses somehow.

And no I don't think you're not being punished for doing well in your career, I expect this will be the thing that gets you back on track in the future. But you are probably being punished for your choice in husband. Just remember you are better off without him in the long term.

Voyager2002

yulita11 wrote: »

All were offering free one hour consultation. So why not try all five and see how it feels? What's wrong with that?

Fine: it is a good idea to meet several different solicitors to decide which one to use. However, you do need to engage one of them: what actually happens in your case will depend on fine detail that they will not be able to consider during an initial meeting.

What a solicitor says during an initial meeting may well be very different from what she says after reading relevant documents; asking some questions to draw out details that perhaps you do not realise are important; and maybe going away to research some points of law. One hopes that after all that she will tell you something that accurately reflects what a court would decide.

yulita11 wrote: »

I do, he cannot enter my house due to his violent behaviour and threats. I didn't push for the non-molestation order, he gave an Undertaking instead.


I've researched that and actually no, I cannot... I need some proof of residency there apparently and I don't have that. Breaking into the flat is not what I'm after. I want him to start acknowledging his share of responsibility and start paying.

Since you are a joint owner of the flat he cannot deny you entrance. I appreciate that locksmiths ask for proof of residence before letting you in, but you would be able to get a court order to make this possible. Whether or not that is a good idea would be another question

yulita11 wrote: »

So, he can put virtually NOTHING in (financially or emotionally), and still get out with 50%?.. I thought the court should take into account how much it'd cost to bring the children up etc.

Yes, the court would take account of all the factors you mention. The starting point for determining how to split finances is 50-50, then they adjust it taking into account all sorts of factors, with the welfare and support of the children being a major consideration. You really do need a solicitor for this.


You mention that there have been issues of abuse, and that he gave an Undertaking and then broke it. Domestic violence is one of the very rare situations where legal aid becomes available for divorce cases. This is a question you need to put directly to the solicitor of your choice: I think there is a good chance that at least part of your legal bill would be covered, and that could make a huge difference.