Help please - my husband not paying the mortgage

dawyldthing

Tammykitty wrote: »

The flat and the house are marital assets, so this is probably why you can't just evict your husband. It doesn't matter what name they are in


If the mortgage and deeds were solely in husbands name - would he be able to just evict the wife and children.


I think both parties to a marriage have a right to live in the marital home, regardless of the name on a mortgage/deeds - now in this case, it is complicated by the fact the flat isn't the marital home - but he could just move back into the marital home if you evict him

Doesn’t it depend if it was bought before the marriage though as if it’s before then I don’t think he’ll have a claim on it I thought.

As for Christmas - my mum split with my step dad when I was 9. We had to cut back as bills need to be paid more than presents but it teaches kids that yes sometimes these things do sadly happen, but it’s better to have family round you and a good time rather than material goods any day of the week.

Slinky

dawyldthing wrote: »

Doesn’t it depend if it was bought before the marriage though as if it’s before then I don’t think he’ll have a claim on it I thought.

You might think that but it's not true.



With all my worldly goods with thee I share....


May be different if they split up after a short marriage, but given the oldest is 17 that probably isn't the case here.

marliepanda

dawyldthing wrote: »

Doesn’t it depend if it was bought before the marriage though as if it’s before then I don’t think he’ll have a claim on it I thought.

As for Christmas - my mum split with my step dad when I was 9. We had to cut back as bills need to be paid more than presents but it teaches kids that yes sometimes these things do sadly happen, but it’s better to have family round you and a good time rather than material goods any day of the week.

Not with a marriage of any decent length.

I am making assumptions as no dstes are given, but their oldest child is 17, so they have been together a long time and that will all be taken into account.

After '5 or 6' years a marriage is no longer considered short so it doesnt matter who had what beforehand.

In the scenario that the OP and their husband did only marry a few years ago, the fact they have clearly been together longer makes it less likely that 'well it was mine before marriage' will wash.

Spendless

OP - I totally understand that it makes more practical and financial sense for the 17yo to babysit younger sibling whilst you work instead of him getting a p-time job. Though I'm assuming you have a plan for in a year or so time when eldest may be at a non local Uni or working f-time and youngest may not be old enough to be home alone all the times you're working.

You really do need to change your mindset re presents. No one is saying give them nothing, but you can certainly adjust what you give.

comeandgo

Don't you think you are being unfair on your eldest child expecting them to child mind for you? If you are working 12 hour days and at weekends when does your child go out with their friends and do things they want?

maman

marliepanda wrote: »

Not with a marriage of any decent length.

I am making assumptions as no dstes are given, but their oldest child is 17, so they have been together a long time and that will all be taken into account.

After '5 or 6' years a marriage is no longer considered short so it doesnt matter who had what beforehand.

In the scenario that the OP and their husband did only marry a few years ago, the fact they have clearly been together longer makes it less likely that 'well it was mine before marriage' will wash.

It's also possible that the ex has contributed during the relationship either financially or with childcare or whatever. Imagine if the scenario was reversed.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Change solicitors.

This might count as financial abuse/coercive control (you don't have to be living with somebody for those descriptions to apply), particularly as he'll be aware that destroying you financially will render you unemployable in your usual profession.

Seek advice, get on with the divorce - and think of the presents you'll be able to get your children AFTER this is all sorted.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

Step back from the emotional reaction to Christmas and presents - which is more important at the moment - presents for your children or keeping the bills paid?

If, in a few years time, your children realise that by paying for their presents, you got yourself into serious financial difficulties and even put your job at risk, what do you think they would say?

Your children are old enough to be told why money is so tight and should be able to accept that this Christmas may be a bit lean but you can promise to make up for it when your finances are sorted out.

I can perfectly understand/sympathise with your reasoning - but would agree with this.

The children will "learn lessons" one way or another whatever way this goes and it seems to me you aren't going to be able to avoid them doing so in these circumstances. So the question is which particular lessons is it going to be that they learn?

I'd tend to think, on balance, it's best for them to learn:

- necessities have to come first out of available money (and that includes paying any mortgages that have to be paid) and that way they will realise that the reason some adults "crash and burn" their finances is because they've prioritised luxuries over necessities

- one has to maintain a certain level of cynicism about even those people that are closest to them (ie your husband) and realise that some people will put their own interests first/foremost/last even as opposed to those they should put first (ie their children). There are many of us that wish we hadn't walked into adulthood being far too trusting of the human race as a whole - as things would have gone better if we'd been that bit more cynical. They are going to learn to be more cynical about life at some point - so best to do so perhaps whilst you're there to "manage the situation" a bit in that respect imo.

Blondetotty

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

it's called life and sometimes it isn't fair.

Exactly this!

yulita11

Thank you, all.

More likely the flat was hers to begin with and she bought the house by herself to live in due to some credit irregularity with her husbands credit. Instead of selling she decided to keep it in case she needed it, then the brother needed somewhere to live, so she rented it to him.Then they split up, the husband moved in with the brother. Which means she can still evict the brother, as it still isn't the husbands responsibility to pay the mortgage but it would be for the brother to pay the rent.

Exactly that. Except there was no tenancy agreement... so i can technically evict the brother but not the husband. And indeed, this is marital asset.

This might count as financial abuse/coercive control (you don't have to be living with somebody for those descriptions to apply), particularly as he'll be aware that destroying you financially will render you unemployable in your usual profession.

You're just reading my mind. I have a court this Friday. He broke the Undertaking he gave in court, in particular:
-Not to intimidate, harass or pester the applicant
-Not to use or threaten the violence against the applicant

He's sent me two intimidating emails, went round my social circle telling lies about me (I will have witness statements) and indeed he's abusing me financially. He's asked his accountant to reduce his wages to £500 a month whilst keeping his brother's wages to £1000 a month. The judges are generally not stupid... We'll see.

Change solicitors.

This is the fifth one, and all five said the same thing - I can evict the brother, but not the husband. Marital property reason. Both properties are on my sole name, he's nowhere on the deeds etc. Still. Even if I offer him a flat, he can't get a mortgage on his name. He's hiding his income and dealing in cash...
For the record, my solicitors have sent him two offers:
- a lump sum OR
- him to cover the mortgage payments and live in the flat until our youngest one becomes 18. Then sell the flat and split at 50% to my husband, and 25% each for the kids with the rights to buy each other out if they wish/can.
I am not spiteful and I don't want to make him homeless but it seems that he doesn't want to help himself in the first place.

As to Christmas presents - I've agreed to some overtime (only until the end of November), and this is now covered. Surprisingly the children weren't that upset about potential Christmas budget cut, as long as we do some activities together. So yes, you're right

I'm going to ring up the mortgage company after the court and beg them to reduce my mortgage payments. The judge technically cannot force him to pay, it's a different type of hearing.

Question - how long does the financial side of divorce take if the other party is ignoring the settlement offers etc. I'm just trying to budget and time things in my head so I can say to the mortgage company - "look, it's going to be sorted in July (as an example)"
I was thinking about remortgaging to a different bank/building society but I don't even have access for them to do a valuation! And probably interest-only mortgages are not applicable to Buy to Let. The flat is on "buy to let" mortgage but the plans to rent it out never materialised.

Thank you once again. Much appreciated!