Help please - my husband not paying the mortgage

yulita11

With Christmas coming I have a dilemma - with consequences...

My husband and I broke up a year ago. He lives in my flat with his twin brother (outstanding mortgage 100K), and I'm living with our two children (17 and 9) in the house, again, my sole name (115K mortgage left).

He's stopped paying me anything full stop even to cover the mortgage for the flat where he lives with his lazy twin... Both are 45 years old but so immature, both are so-called self employed.

On the contrary I worked my a** off to get where I am on the career ladder and generally in life. I'm on PAYE so I can't hide my earnings. He's self-employed, and he has reduced his wages to mere £500 a month to minimise child maintenance payments.

The dilemma is... even with my relatively high wages, I cannot afford to pay two mortgages and support the children, myself and my elderly parents.

I rang up the mortgage provider and they've told me that I cannot have a mortgage holiday, and after three missed payments they will start repossession procedures etc. This is going to end up with me having a CCJ... which basically makes me unemployable in finance/insurance industries where I currently work.

Now, we're in very early stage of divorce (petition has been acknowledged). He's abusive and threatening, two police reports...

Question - what can I do?.. My solicitor told me the only way forward is keep paying two mortgages. But... just because their dad is behaving that way I can't force my children to have Christmas without decent presents.

I think I made up my mind and going to stop paying for the mortgage for the flat where he's living for free.

Any constructive suggestions are welcome please!

P.S. My solicitor already wrote to him asking him to pay up, no reply.

Auntie-Dolly

Can you evict them and sell the flat?

Comms69

Have you complied with all the requirement of a LL? Crucial for a successful eviction

-taff

Do that ^ [evict]
Might take you a while but if you don't pay the mortgage, as you say, your credit will be shot.


I didn;t think you were obliged to house him....And he's not obliged to pay the mortgage if its in your name, you are. Hence, get shot of him.

Savvy_Sue

yulita11 wrote: »

But... just because their dad is behaving that way I can't force my children to have Christmas without decent presents.

I hope you find this constructive, because it's definitely intended that way.

Did you watch Martin's Christmas moneysaving special which was on in September, I think? If not, watch out for his show next week, which is a Christmas special. I'm sure he'll repeat his message there: Christmas isn't about spending money.

At 9 and 17, your children are young enough to not know what you're spending, or old enough to understand that this year, there's not a lot of money. Or even both at the same time for the 9 year old! ...

And while I don't agree with running the NRP down, certainly at 17 I don't think it's unreasonable to say "your dad isn't paying the mortgage on the flat he's living in. At the moment that means I've got to pay that, plus the mortgage on this house, plus ... (whatever else you feel appropriate to mention) ... and that means the money is very tight." You're not passing comment on what sort of man that makes him - however much I know I'd like to! - just stating facts.

I don't know what you mean by 'decent' presents. But if you're talking about spending hundreds, rather than pay the mortgage, just give some thought to how you will pay for NEXT Christmas if, as you say, a CCJ will mean you can't do your current job.

Also you don't say what you mean by "support my elderly parents". Are they aware of how stretched you are?

Spendless

Can 17yo find some p-time work to at least help with any of his own additional costs.

And I agree with Savvy Sue don't put buying Christmas presents for the kids before paying the mortgage?

Red-Squirrel_2

I’d recommend you post this on house buying, renting and selling board, as it’s really more about dealing with a property and you’ll get better advice on it there from knowledgeable people.

Davesnave

Another recommendation for going to the House Buying and Renting board and reading the stickies there about a landlord's obligations.


Having read what your responsibilities are, you'll be better placed to frame questions about eviction, which is a legally complex subject.

Enterprise_1701C

Sorry, not normally on this sort of forum, but why on earth are you paying the mortgage on a flat for two grown men?

Don't quite understand from your post, are both mortgages in your sole name? If they are, could you sell both the flat and the house and buy another property with any money left?

Your husband does not take into account your feeling and your cash flow, so you might as well evict the pair of them and get on with life. About time they grew up and paid their way.

yulita11

Thank you all for your time, and advice!

1. Apparently I cannot evict him so I was told by my solicitor. I find it very hard to comprehend. He's changed the locks, and I cannot even get to the property. And yet I am still to pay the mortgage and he gets to live for free... I cannot understand how it works. So the bank can take it away by repossession but I can't?

I was thinking of ringing up the mortgage company and explaining them a situation saying I can pay let's say enough to cover the interest each month but not the capital repayments. Let's see what they say, technically they are going to say "No" because I'm on fixed deal.

2. I strongly believe that I have to reward my children for their great work, and if it coincides with Christmas so be it. I leave home at 7am, and I come back at 7pm at the very best, every day. I frequently work on the weekends too. So my son cannot get a part-time job and I pay him a fraction what it'd cost me in childminding fees. Primary school does not allow the kids to walk home on their own until the age of 11. With my ex being violent and threatening, I wouldn't want her to walk oh her own anyway!

They have to be rewarded for their academical achievements too. Not getting them a presents that they were hoping for all year and actually worked hard for them is simply not fair. What message am I going to be sending them? That it doesn't matter how hard you work, someone can still ruin your dreams and your lifestyle? I simply can't do that to my children. They know about our financial circumstances and they understand but I can still sense the potential disappointment. I'm afraid that their motivation and desire to do well in life will be affected by real life example they are witnessing right now.


Surely, there must be a way out. Obviously the ultimate one will be a divorce financial settlement but that's months (or even years?) away... My solicitor has already sent him a proposal, no answer. I feel so stuck. I worked so hard all these years to get where I am, and now it can all be ruined by his actions.

gettingtheresometime

Enterprise_1701C wrote: »

Sorry, not normally on this sort of forum, but why on earth are you paying the mortgage on a flat for two grown men?

Don't quite understand from your post, are both mortgages in your sole name? If they are, could you sell both the flat and the house and buy another property with any money left?

Your husband does not take into account your feeling and your cash flow, so you might as well evict the pair of them and get on with life. About time they grew up and paid their way.

Whilst I agree with your sentiment I think the OP is paying the mortgage simply because the property, & hence the mortgage, is in her name and it's her credit record that would get trashed - and from the sounds of that, if that happened then her career would also be impacted as well.


I must admit my initial thoughts were the same as Savvy Sue's the children (and yes I include the 9 year old in that) need to be told the truth - Christmas may not be as indulgent this year as previous ones. Been there and done that and our son has lived to tell the tale....in fact that is one Christmas I do remember as everything bought was a considered purchase rather than a throw it in the trolley one.


Personally I'd be spending energy on getting the free loader out of my life (as far as you can when you've got children together).