Help please - my husband not paying the mortgage

gettingtheresometime

yulita11 wrote: »

I strongly believe that I have to reward my children for their great work, and if it coincides with Christmas so be it. I leave home at 7am, and I come back at 7pm at the very best, every day. I frequently work on the weekends too. So my son cannot get a part-time job and I pay him a fraction what it'd cost me in childminding fees. Primary school does not allow the kids to walk home on their own until the age of 11. With my ex being violent and threatening, I wouldn't want her to walk oh her own anyway!

They have to be rewarded for their academical achievements too. Not getting them a presents that they were hoping for all year and actually worked hard for them is simply not fair. What message am I going to be sending them? That it doesn't matter how hard you work, someone can still ruin your dreams and your lifestyle? I simply can't do that to my children. They know about our financial circumstances and they understand but I can still sense the potential disappointment. I'm afraid that their motivation and desire to do well in life will be affected by real life example they are witnessing right now.


.

I'm sorry but this attitude is so wrong on so many levels I don't know if I know where to begin.


The most important thing for a child to know is that they are loved not the ability of the parent to dish out 'rewards' for working hard .


They do not have to be rewarded for academic achievements - surely the success that they have in life as a result of those achievements is reward enough - and yes I hate to say this but sometimes you can work as hard as you like but someone can come along and ruin it all for you.....it's called life and sometimes it isn't fair.


My other observation concerns you. I think you're exhausted and not thinking straight. Yes your job may demand a 12 hour day as well as working weekends but you need to look at this as well. This situation is not going to resolve itself quickly and if you don't cut back your hours then your going to make yourself ill. Children need presence not presents and I'm wondering if you're trying to justify spending money that would be better spent on the mortgage, however gauling that is, because of guilt.

Junelow

yulita11 wrote: »

Thank you all for your time, and advice!

1. Apparently I cannot evict him so I was told by my solicitor. I find it very hard to comprehend. He's changed the locks, and I cannot even get to the property. And yet I am still to pay the mortgage and he gets to live for free... I cannot understand how it works. So the bank can take it away by repossession but I can't?

I was thinking of ringing up the mortgage company and explaining them a situation saying I can pay let's say enough to cover the interest each month but not the capital repayments. Let's see what they say, technically they are going to say "No" because I'm on fixed deal.

2. I strongly believe that I have to reward my children for their great work, and if it coincides with Christmas so be it. I leave home at 7am, and I come back at 7pm at the very best, every day. I frequently work on the weekends too. So my son cannot get a part-time job and I pay him a fraction what it'd cost me in childminding fees. Primary school does not allow the kids to walk home on their own until the age of 11. With my ex being violent and threatening, I wouldn't want her to walk oh her own anyway!

They have to be rewarded for their academical achievements too. Not getting them a presents that they were hoping for all year and actually worked hard for them is simply not fair. What message am I going to be sending them? That it doesn't matter how hard you work, someone can still ruin your dreams and your lifestyle? I simply can't do that to my children. They know about our financial circumstances and they understand but I can still sense the potential disappointment. I'm afraid that their motivation and desire to do well in life will be affected by real life example they are witnessing right now.


Surely, there must be a way out. Obviously the ultimate one will be a divorce financial settlement but that's months (or even years?) away... My solicitor has already sent him a proposal, no answer. I feel so stuck. I worked so hard all these years to get where I am, and now it can all be ruined by his actions.

Going through the exact same thing right now and Im 56 and without work and 2 dependants!

Junelow

Going through the same hell darling, my husband just upped and left because he told me to choose him or my children, (his step daughter and granddughter) I'm 56 and with no work, and I have to pay bills to and rent and we lived in a very expensive house, he could afford it, so now I'm stuck with it, he also got a CCJ in my name for his own parents issues due to lasting power of attorney etc. etc. long story! If you change your married name to your maiden name done you get a new passport with a new number and CCJ wont follow you?

Gavin83

Why are both properties in your sole name? It might be less complicated to just ask if he wants you to sign the flat over to him and transfer the mortgage, assuming he earns enough to take this on. Ultimately the flat (or at least the proceeds from this) will likely be in his pocket anyway. If he refuses let him know that as his landlord you'll be commencing eviction proceedings against him.

For what reason did the solicitor give for you not being able to do anything?

Comms69

Junelow wrote: »

Going through the same hell darling, my husband just upped and left because he told me to choose him or my children, (his step daughter and granddughter) I'm 56 and with no work, and I have to pay bills to and rent and we lived in a very expensive house, he could afford it, so now I'm stuck with it, he also got a CCJ in my name for his own parents issues due to lasting power of attorney etc. etc. long story! If you change your married name to your maiden name done you get a new passport with a new number and CCJ wont follow you?

Would people please stop saying changing your name cancels a CCJ; it's just not true.

Junelow

Comms69 wrote: »

No. obviously not.


Anyone can change their name at any time. Don't be ridiculous.

Just asking, not necessary to be nasty bloody hell!

Gavin83

Junelow wrote: »

Going through the same hell darling, my husband just upped and left because he told me to choose him or my children, (his step daughter and granddughter) I'm 56 and with no work, and I have to pay bills to and rent and we lived in a very expensive house, he could afford it, so now I'm stuck with it, he also got a CCJ in my name for his own parents issues due to lasting power of attorney etc. etc. long story! If you change your married name to your maiden name done you get a new passport with a new number and CCJ wont follow you?

Unless you can become a completely different person you'll still have the CCJ, it doesn't just magically disappear because you've changed your name.

Comms69

Junelow wrote: »

Just asking, not necessary to be nasty bloody hell!

Surely though, it's obvious.


Otherwise everyone would just change their name and debt would effectively be unenforceable?

[Deleted User]

Comms69 wrote: »

Would people please stop saying changing your name cancels a CCJ; it's just not true.

It's the same person posting that untruth more than once for some reason.

If it were so simple then every convicted criminal would also just change their name

-taff

Get in touch with your solicitor and ask why you can't evict him.


And to the poster who said why do you own two houses, who cares why? She does. Lots of people do. It's not unusual nor something to pick on.