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15yo and a 17yo boyfriend

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  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,230 Forumite
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    That's a 4 year age gap, with one party substantially underage and one legally an adult..

    That's not what this thread is about, so no need to muddy the waters for the OP! 15 and 17 is very different to 18 and 14.
    Yes and I've realised from this thread it is because I've been thinking of the arbitrary age of 18 being an adult and 15 being under the age of consent. Once I'd clarified that in my head and thought do I really have such an issue with a 2 1/4 age gap, the answer is No.
  • Marisco
    Marisco Posts: 42,036 Forumite
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    When I first saw the thread title, I thought it said 150 and 170 year old :eek::D
  • cheeky-peach
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    I can honestly say that my parents wouldn’t have had an issue about the age but more of the fact that he’s not in school, college or earning. Granted I don’t know what he’s signed off on sick for but did he had a job in which he’s signed off from? One of the first questions my dad would ask a boyfriend is what they do for a living.
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
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    edited 23 October 2018 at 4:59PM
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    You're waaay out of touch and in for a shock!

    Your daughter will not necessarily want to live by your values just because, she will have a mind (and aa body!) of her own.

    What does marriage have to do with early teenage relationships at 15?

    No, I just have different values to the majority. The UK is so sexualized. Adverts, songs, t shirt slogans. It's become so normalized that many of us see kids having boyfriends as normal.
    I mention marriage because at 15 you can't get married. If you are too young to marry, you are too young for a boyfriend in my opinion.
    My daughter attends a girls school. That not because I hate boys but I do think they are a distraction. She mixes with boys at swimming lessons and the courses she goes on during school holidays. If I compare my daughter and her class mates to some of her friends that attend a mixed school there is a difference. Some of her friends at the mixed school are so provocative in the way they dress and act. At only 12 they have boyfriends and post sexy pictures on social media. They are so obsessed with appearance and being attractive to the opposite sex. One 14 year old is already pregnant. I must stress not everyone is like this but a big percentage is.
    I know I can't control my daughter. All I can do is hope she will make sensible choices once she has the information to make informed decisions.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    No, I just have different values to the majority. The UK is so sexualized. Adverts, songs, t shirt slogans. It's become so normalized that many of us see kids having boyfriends as normal. - and girlfriends too...
    I mention marriage because at 15 you can't get married. If you are too young to marry, you are too young for a boyfriend in my opinion. - so you'd rather have an 18 year old suddenly be dropped into the deep end of relationships?
    My daughter attends a girls school. That not because I hate boys but I do think they are a distraction. She mixes with boys at swimming lessons and the courses she goes on during school holidays. If I compare my daughter and her class mates to some of her friends that attend a mixed school there is a difference. - yes a massive one. You seem to belittle social skills ahead of academic ones. Frankly the GCSE Geography she's studying so intently will not serve her nearly as well as being able to understand the nuances of life Some of her friends at the mixed school are so provocative in the way they dress and act. - and? At only 12 they have boyfriends and post sexy pictures on social media. - But they aren't sexy pictures. Their pictures of children playing grown up. (or atleast I hope theyre not!!) They are so obsessed with appearance and being attractive to the opposite sex. One 14 year old is already pregnant. I must stress not everyone is like this but a big percentage is. - im pretty sure teenage preganancy was much more of an issue back in the 90's and 00's than it is now.
    I know I can't control my daughter. All I can do is hope she will make sensible choices once she has the information to make informed decisions.
    I agree. But part of growing up is having the controlled freedom to experience playground romances.


    No-one is suggesting your 12 year old should have sex. But understand that relationships are healthy and positive.


    Anyone, she's your child so do as you wish.
  • skint_chick
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    I had sex underage and he was older - more than the age gap here. However I still don't regret it as he was a nice guy and we stayed together long term. The most important thing is to support your daughter and build your relationship so she can talk to you. If she has suffered a knock to her confidence with the bullying you want to avoid her ending up sleeping with her boyfriend because she wants him to like her or she wants to keep up with her friends. Hopefully she will wait until it's legal, but make it clear that whatever she decides you will support her decision. Involve the boyfriend in family life, ask your daughter to bring him home for dinner etc regularly and get to know him.
    "I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better." Paul Theroux
  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,756 Forumite
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    I mention marriage because at 15 you can't get married. If you are too young to marry, you are too young for a boyfriend in my opinion.

    Yet it was ok for you to do at that age? Do as I say, not as I do springs to mind.

    Besides, this isn't a new thing. Girls have had boyfriends before the age of 16 since boyfriends were a thing. A few hundred years ago most girls would have been married with kids at 14. Therefore, if anything this has got more severe since time has gone on.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,230 Forumite
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    edited 23 October 2018 at 6:41PM
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    I can honestly say that my parents wouldn’t have had an issue about the age but more of the fact that he’s not in school, college or earning. Granted I don’t know what he’s signed off on sick for but did he had a job in which he’s signed off from? One of the first questions my dad would ask a boyfriend is what they do for a living.
    I'm not sure what he's signed off sick for either nor am I familiar enough with the benefits system to know what he claims (DD says he's claims something and has seen a sick note with the words 'low mood' on it). I don't know enough about him yet to know what if anything he did after GCSEs.

    We've not officially met him, I picked them up once and dropped them off, but that's it.

    What I have heard about him is he has several siblings inc a disabled brother. At the point disabled brother was born Mum had 4 kids, 3 under 5 years old. There's been a couple more kids born since. Mum is on her own. DD has described his household as 'chaotic'

    ETA - Whilst I appreciate what you're saying, I personally won't influence my DD to think he's not good enough when I don't know enough about his personal circs to form an opinion and if it does turn out he's just a lazy layabout, then I'd rather she date someone like that at 15, than when she's 25. As others have pointed out, the chances of them remaining together forever are slim.
  • Red-Squirrel_2
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    I mention marriage because at 15 you can't get married. If you are too young to marry, you are too young for a boyfriend in my opinion.

    You can't marry till 18 in some countries, in others you can marry as a pre-pubescent child. I wouldn't go basing my morals on arbitrary laws!


    Sex is normal, human, natural and teenagers have been doing it since the dawn of time and always will. Prudishness about it is a fairly modern invention. ;)
  • Seanymph
    Seanymph Posts: 2,877 Forumite
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    Invite him round.

    The best way to get him to respect your 15 year old daughter is to ensure that he respects you - and at the same time you get points with her for being cool about it.

    You also will know and see what is going on.

    I have just walked this walk with five children - the girls are very together now about boys to be honest, nothing like when I was younger - we had really intense relationships from memory. I've just watched three girls (all very different) going through teen years, and they just don't have that level of intensity now. Unless you count endlessly being in touch all day on their phones!

    He isn't much older than her, and he can offer her support outside school, a friendship, a shoulder maybe - and he could well be a lovely lovely boy in an unfortunate home situation.

    I'd be having him round next sunday for dinner, to get a look at him. And how he treated her.
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