We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

15yo and a 17yo boyfriend

Options
2456

Comments

  • SingleSue
    SingleSue Posts: 11,699 Forumite
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    If I look at couples my age, or my parents age, or my grandparents (long dead) age, it was always man older than woman, usually a few years. So it seems to have been the in thing for generations of women.



    It was certainly normal for my parents, mum was 15, dad 17 when they met and they married when they were 17 and 19.

    They celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary in the summer.
    We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
    Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Options
    It's hardly a massive age difference.


    I'd be supportive and see how it develops.
  • phryne
    phryne Posts: 471 Forumite
    Options
    15 and 17 is fine. If it were 15 and 25 I could see your point!
  • Stoke
    Stoke Posts: 3,182 Forumite
    Options
    I'm 28, but growing up I always found the whole young girl, older lad thing really uncomfortable. I used to see 13 year old girls getting with 17 year old lads. Always found it a bit weird to be honest, but some people would call me Victorian in my views.
  • clairec79
    clairec79 Posts: 2,512 Forumite
    Options
    For people between the ages of 13 and 16 they say risk of child sexual expoltation is when the age difference is more than 4 years

    http://www.youngpeopleshealth.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Teenagers-and-their-sexual-partners-what-age-difference-should-raise-concerns-of-sexual-exploitation-Dr-Louise-Cook.pdf

    So in this case it wouldn't be seen as unusual
  • Stoke
    Stoke Posts: 3,182 Forumite
    Options
    clairec79 wrote: »
    For people between the ages of 13 and 16 they say risk of child sexual expoltation is when the age difference is more than 4 years

    http://www.youngpeopleshealth.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Teenagers-and-their-sexual-partners-what-age-difference-should-raise-concerns-of-sexual-exploitation-Dr-Louise-Cook.pdf

    So in this case it wouldn't be seen as unusual

    Perhaps it's just me, but for me, the gap is irrelevant. When a young girl is going out with a 17 year old lad, say she's 15, his brain is more developed than hers and naturally he will be more 'forward' thinking. He may expect her to do some things that she doesn't feel ready for yet, and she may feel compelled to do it. That's not fair on her.

    It's tricky, because the line is arbitrary. Does a girl instantly begin to understand the world, the day she turns 16? No, but the line has to be somewhere...

    Like I said, I'm probably Victorian in my thinking.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    edited 22 October 2018 at 1:23PM
    Options
    Stoke wrote: »
    Perhaps it's just me, but for me, the gap is irrelevant. When a young girl is going out with a 17 year old lad, say she's 15, his brain is more developed than hers and naturally he will be more 'forward' thinking. - are you sure... :) He may expect her to do some things that she doesn't feel ready for yet, and she may feel compelled to do it. That's not fair on her.

    It's tricky, because the line is arbitrary. Does a girl instantly begin to understand the world, the day she turns 16? No, but the line has to be somewhere...

    Like I said, I'm probably Victorian in my thinking.



    I don't necessarily have the right answer, but I wouldn't assume anything based purely upon age
  • NaughtiusMaximus
    NaughtiusMaximus Posts: 2,832 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    edited 22 October 2018 at 1:22PM
    Options
    Stoke wrote: »
    Perhaps it's just me, but for me, the gap is irrelevant. When a young girl is going out with a 17 year old lad, say she's 15, his brain is more developed than hers and naturally he will be more 'forward' thinking. He may expect her to do some things that she doesn't feel ready for yet, and she may feel compelled to do it. That's not fair on her.

    I thought the general consensus was teenage girls mature emotionally a year or two earlier than boys (obviously there are exceptions), so a 17 year old boy and a 15 year girl are probably more likely to be on a similar wavelength with each other than with a person their own age of the opposite sex.
  • Stoke
    Stoke Posts: 3,182 Forumite
    Options
    I thought the general consensus was teenage girls mature emotionally a year or two earlier than boys (obviously there are exceptions), so a 17 year old boy and a 15 year girl are probably more likely to be on a similar wavelength with each other than with a person their own age of the opposite sex.

    I'm not an expert.... I don't have kids.

    But just think whether you'd want your 15 year old daughter knocking about with a 17 year old who's about to turn 18.

    Remember that every time you give advice to others along the lines of "it's okay for some lad who's getting wasted at the weekends, and doing whatever, going into clubs etc, to also be chatting up a school girl daughter of yours in the week"....

    That's essentially one strand of it, right or wrong.
  • onomatopoeia99
    Options
    Stoke wrote: »
    It's tricky, because the line is arbitrary. Does a girl instantly begin to understand the world, the day she turns 16? No, but the line has to be somewhere...

    Like I said, I'm probably Victorian in my thinking.
    You should read the judgement from the Law Lords in the case Gillick vs Wisbech and West Norfolk AHA & the DHSS which begain in 1983 and ended in 1985. Lord Scarman and others have quite a bit to say about the arrival of the ability to make decisions in teenagers, and how it is a gradual process, not something that arrives fully fledged on the morning of their 16th birthday.

    The case revolves around consent to medical treatment, specifically abortion, where statute law is not clear, and the verdict does not draw an arbitary line in the sand like there is for sexual offences with under 16s, so we have a much better system for recognising the ability to consent to medical treatment than we do for sex.

    For a bunch of crusty old buffers (as the tabloid press has historically portrayed the senior judiciary, because they don't know the names of footballers or characters an Coronation Street), they are surprisingly enlightened.
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 344.6K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 450.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 236.8K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 610.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.8K Life & Family
  • 249.5K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards