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15yo and a 17yo boyfriend

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  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,756 Forumite
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    Stoke wrote: »
    But just think whether you'd want your 15 year old daughter knocking about with a 17 year old who's about to turn 18.

    Would you feel more comfortable if your theoretical 15 year old daughter was instead seeing a guy of the same age? How about if the genders were reversed and it was a 15 year old son with a 17/18 year old girlfriend?
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    Actually, I was just 16 (by one week) when I met my then boyfriend who was 19. I married him when I was 20, and we were married for 48 years. It used to be the norm.

    I am not saying that today I would be happy at my about to turn 16 grand-daughter doing the same thing though.
  • Stoke
    Stoke Posts: 3,182 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    Would you feel more comfortable if your theoretical 15 year old daughter was instead seeing a guy of the same age? How about if the genders were reversed and it was a 15 year old son with a 17/18 year old girlfriend?
    It's all hypothetical, but yes I think I would rather my theoretical daughter was seeing a guy of the same age.

    Gender roles reversed, I'd feel exactly the same way and for all/most the same reasons.
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,574 Forumite
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    Ah, those were the days!!!;););), Especially if they had wheels!
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.57% of current retirement "pot" (as at end May 2024)
  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,756 Forumite
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    thorsoak wrote: »
    I am not saying that today I would be happy at my about to turn 16 grand-daughter doing the same thing though.

    Is that not a bit hypocritical?
    Stoke wrote: »
    It's all hypothetical, but yes I think I would rather my theoretical daughter was seeing a guy of the same age.

    Gender roles reversed, I'd feel exactly the same way and for all/most the same reasons.

    Fair enough. I wondered if your issue was with the age gap or because you thought 15 was too young to be dating full stop.

    I do find it weird that we live in a country where a 15 year old dating a 17 year old is technically illegal while a 16 year old dating a 40 year old is not.
  • Stoke
    Stoke Posts: 3,182 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    Fair enough. I wondered if your issue was with the age gap or because you thought 15 was too young to be dating full stop.

    I do find it weird that we live in a country where a 15 year old dating a 17 year old is technically illegal while a 16 year old dating a 40 year old is not.
    I had girlfriends at school. High school crushes are normal, but seeing some 18 year old scrote rocking around with a 14 year old girlfriend used to make me want to throw up as a youngster. I don't feel overly different now. The reverse is obviously much less common, but did happen... feelings much the same really.

    Also, the girlfriends I had... they were my age (from my year) and give or take were on a similar level to me mentally. Obviously as young teenagers, you're at that age where you want to experiment but there was a certain innocence and immaturity to it all.

    At 18, I was a very different male to when I was 15. I would say I progressed mentally the most between the ages of 16 and 18. I was a boy at school, I was an adult at 18.
  • SuperPikachu
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    Way too many variables to be considered with this sort of thing for a simple answer.
  • Tammykitty
    Tammykitty Posts: 1,005 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    Is that not a bit hypocritical?



    Fair enough. I wondered if your issue was with the age gap or because you thought 15 was too young to be dating full stop.

    I do find it weird that we live in a country where a 15 year old dating a 17 year old is technically illegal while a 16 year old dating a 40 year old is not.


    Dating a 15 year old as a 17 year old is not illegal - sleeping with them or grooming them is though
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
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    When I was 15 I started seeing the lad next door, he was 20. My parents were not happy and my dad made it really clear to the guy ( not like my dad at all but I recall him yelling and threatening) he better not do anything to upset me. Fast forward I'm 39 now and still feel bad that my dad had a go at my then boyfriend. Truth is he was a gentleman. Never disrespected me. Never tried to get me to do anything physical. I was the one who was trying to encourage him! My parents just didn't see it, as I was a quiet girl who had few friends and did well in school.
    Girls are often more mature than boys. A 2 year age gap is nothing much. If you are ok for your daughter to have a boyfriend (my daughter is 12 and call me a hypocrite but no way will she be allowed a boyfriend of any age at 15!) then don't stress too much because moaning at her might actually lower her trust in you and mean that she distances herself from you and leans towards him even more. I'd probably act quite nonchalant. Don't encourage it but don't make it a big deal. Chances are it won't last long unless they become sweethearts and marry and stay together forever!
    Invite him for tea and speak to his parents. If they can come to your house and watch tv together etc then that's preferable to them sneaking off somewhere dodgy. You might find that a boyfriend boosts her self esteem. A companion that she can confide in might be a positive thing.
  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,756 Forumite
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    Tammykitty wrote: »
    Dating a 15 year old as a 17 year old is not illegal - sleeping with them or grooming them is though

    Yep, I guess it depends what 'dating' means. If you go to the cinema occasionally, sit in the park, hold hands, you'll be fine. Anything beyond this you're on shaky ground.

    Saying that two teens close in age having underage sex are unlikely to suffer any penalties.
    (my daughter is 12 and call me a hypocrite but no way will she be allowed a boyfriend of any age at 15!)

    You're a hypocrite. :p
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