How would you feel

toejumper

Thank you we've been married 30 yrs and I can assure you I'm no mug and I don't think these texts are text you'd sent to a just a friend, I have every intention of questioning him about them i need to try and retrieve delited text and before you all jump on the band wagon the contracts in my name and I pay his phone bill

DigForVictory

Only the determinedly Pollyanna-minded could see that as wholly innocent.
Such innocents do not question the other's behaviour, let alone on an internet forum.

Right now, we do not have enough information, but ye gods I'd be taking screen shots & emailing them to a new googlemail account, checking bank account numbers & amounts & generally checking what joint financial products are held, with a view to a short but informative chat with a divorce lawyer.

Sit tight, gather evidence, & prepare to leave with everything you need to ensure the other party's conduct does not damage your financial future.

These things can blow over, or they can be the start of the end. Either way, have the information you may need sorted, offsite.

toejumper

thorsoak wrote: »

I would be angry and my reaction would be a bit stronger than the poster above:- "Your belongings are in the binliners outside - and they are not coming back inside until I hear your excuses for these messages! They had better be good as otherwise you will be out too."

Nick_C wrote: »

OP - OK. Don't seek counselling. Let things fester. Don't try to save your relationship.

Cjdavies - you seem to be calling me a cheater. Please retract.

I asked to seek counselling last year and he refused he also through his wedding ring away in an argument we had

toejumper

DigForVictory wrote: »

Only the determinedly Pollyanna-minded could see that as wholly innocent.
Such innocents do not question the other's behaviour, let alone on an internet forum.

Right now, we do not have enough information, but ye gods I'd be taking screen shots & emailing them to a new googlemail account, checking bank account numbers & amounts & generally checking what joint financial products are held, with a view to a short but informative chat with a divorce lawyer.

Sit tight, gather evidence, & prepare to leave with everything you need to ensure the other party's conduct does not damage your financial future.

These things can blow over, or they can be the start of the end. Either way, have the information you may need sorted, offsite.

Thank you that's why I went back on his phone on Tuesday to take screen shots but he'd deleted them be for i had the chance

Bogof_Babe

toejumper wrote: »

Thank you we've been married 30 yrs and I can assure you I'm no mug and I don't think these texts are text you'd sent to a just a friend, I have every intention of questioning him about them i need to try and retrieve delited text and before you all jump on the band wagon the contracts in my name and I pay his phone bill

If it's your account can you access details of his texts via the online account? Not the content of the texts but how often he contacts that number.

Does he have her name saved in his contacts?

Sounds extremely dodgy to me. Be careful he doesn't turn nasty when cornered though. Have somewhere to go and a bag packed.

Nick_C

toejumper wrote: »

I asked to seek counselling last year and he refused he also through his wedding ring away in an argument we had

I'm really sorry to hear that. It certainly puts your original post in perspective.

I hope things work out for you.

It might be worth having a chat to him about things not seeming right before revealing that you have seen those texts. I think things will only go downhill if you do reveal at this stage that you've been checking up on him.

Bogof_Babe

How much do you want to save the marriage? Has everything been wine and roses until you found this out?

toejumper

DigForVictory wrote: »

Only the determinedly Pollyanna-minded could see that as wholly innocent.
Such innocents do not question the other's behaviour, let alone on an internet forum.

Right now, we do not have enough information, but ye gods I'd be taking screen shots & emailing them to a new googlemail account, checking bank account numbers & amounts & generally checking what joint financial products are held, with a view to a short but informative chat with a divorce lawyer.

Sit tight, gather evidence, & prepare to leave with everything you need to ensure the other party's conduct does not damage your financial future.

These things can blow over, or they can be the start of the end. Either way, have the information you may need sorted, offsite.

Thank you that's why I went back on his phone on Tuesday to take screen shots but he'd deleted them be for i had the chance

toejumper

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

If it's your account can you access details of his texts via the online account? Not the content of the texts but how often he contacts that number.

Does he have her name saved in his contacts?

Sounds extremely dodgy to me. Be careful he doesn't turn nasty when cornered though. Have somewhere to go and a bag packed.

Thank you I've checked the mobile account and they ring each other and talk for anything up to 20 to 30 minutes at a time I've already got a bolt hole to go to he's a very aggressive person and that's the problem with our marriage his aggression

PasturesNew

He's up to no good...

100%.

He's doing her.

Not might, not probably will, not waiting .... past and present tense. He's doing her.