Best advice to give to son?

redmel1621

Again, thanks to those that have made comments to help me with some form of plan for tomorrow.

I do think those of you that have commented about visiting universities are right and I will encourage him to make more of an effort to go, once he has a shortlist of unis he might consider.

I also think he needs to do more research on the uni he is picking. He initially just wanted to stay at home, but now he is more open to moving away he needs to look at his options in more detail. He is so lazy/blas! he can't even be bothered to research the best unis for his subject area and whether the content looks to teach his area of interest within his field. He is a nightmare sometimes. In my opinion this is THE most important part of the decision.

Now I know that accommodation will be covered by the loan I am not as concerned about that area of the jigsaw puzzle, but despite people saying it shouldnt come into the equation, unfortunately we don't live in lala land with a never ending pot of money and so it has to be a factor in his decision making. I am more confident that with his loan and his job he will more than manage financially. I would also ensure he never went hungry and would help with grocery costs if needed.
I do need to point this out to him as his spending habits are awful. He recently (last week) spent £45 on sweets/chocolate/fizzy drinks. Which in my opinion is horrendous.

I will keep an eye on the thread for more replies and respond if necessary

ViolaLass

redmel1621 wrote: »

I also think he needs to do more research on the uni he is picking. He initially just wanted to stay at home, but now he is more open to moving away he needs to look at his options in more detail. He is so lazy/blas! he can't even be bothered to research the best unis for his subject area and whether the content looks to teach his area of interest within his field. He is a nightmare sometimes. In my opinion this is THE most important part of the decision.

Then I'd vote (again) for a gap year. He has to care about this - you can't care for him.

theoretica

*max* wrote: »

The choice should be based on what HE wants to do, and the best option for HIM, nothing else.

I wonder about this - he is currently sharing a room with two younger siblings. Does the best option for them not come into consideration too?

Mojisola

redmel1621 wrote: »

He is so lazy/blas! he can't even be bothered to research the best unis for his subject area and whether the content looks to teach his area of interest within his field.

Is uni the best place for him then?

He could spend three years doing a degree he's not really interested in at the uni he doesn't really like and end up with a mediocre grade at the end of it.

redmel1621

Mojisola wrote: »

Is uni the best place for him then?

He could spend three years doing a degree he's not really interested in at the uni he doesn't really like and end up with a mediocre grade at the end of it.

Oh he is definitely interested in the subject and knows which area of his field he wants to stufy, he just hasn't bothered to look which uni will provide the best course for him.

I am concerned about him getting a mediocre grade. Unfortunately that is him. Always has been and I can't see him changing in the future.

In fact, I am not even sure he will get the grade he needs to get into uni. If he doesn't he will stay at college to do the HNC year. That will be his back-up plan. He needs a rocket up his backside... The Bech he is currently doing was a back-up to doing Alevels. He didn't get the grades he needed. However, he has said that the Btech is probably better than A levels would have been.

My hope is that when he starts uni he will see how much effort others put into their work and will be spurred on that way. :cool:

WibblyGirly

If you earn so much that he doesn't get the full loan, is there no option to move to a larger house if he does stay at home?
I can't imagine being 18 and sharing a room with my siblings, I have 3 so my room was the only space I could be alone. If I had to share with 2 of them I'd likely be in jail as I'd have murdered one of them! :rotfl:

Spendless

redmel1621 wrote: »

I do need to point this out to him as his spending habits are awful. He recently (last week) spent £45 on sweets/chocolate/fizzy drinks. Which in my opinion is horrendous.

This would probably change once he is responsible for his own bills. At the minute he can spend £45 on junk and still have breakfast/lunch/evening meal provided for. Once it's a case of either or he'll soon decide which fills him up more.

Our son had pocket money until a few months ago, not a great deal of money we gave him, but he'd blow it on a computer game. At Uni he has worked out his budget to a daily amount - and had to re-jig that because he failed to take into account 2 weeks of freshers! He came home recently and when DH stopped on the motorway to fill up, DS contemplated and then dismissed buying a chocolate bar due to cost and how near he was to his daily allowance

Out,_Vile_Jelly

redmel1621 wrote: »

I also think he needs to do more research on the uni he is picking. He initially just wanted to stay at home, but now he is more open to moving away he needs to look at his options in more detail. He is so lazy/blas! he can't even be bothered to research the best unis for his subject area and whether the content looks to teach his area of interest within his field.

He first needs to check the admissions criteria for various universities; not everywhere will accept BTech. He also needs to think about what a degree in the subject actually leads to ie will he be paid more in his chosen career? There are an awful lot of mediocre "universities" flogging mediocre courses in this country unfortunately.

Don't forget that the Open University can be done at any age, from any job. You don't have to go to university at 18 just because everyone else is.

Kildare

He really needs to go and look at as many places as possible, near and far, and it needs to be a priority. Just seeing different uni's will give him an idea of whether he does want to move out/stay home and the types of courses he would like to do.

I'm pro moving out as it's what I did. Halls is a great experience - I learned to cook and use the washing machine, if I'd stayed home my Mum would have kept doing all of that for me . It also makes you meet lots of new people from all walks of life - the people I shared with in my first year weren't on my course, so I made halls friends and course friends (who I later shared a house with). I also worked part time all through university (supermarket - transferred home during the summer).

Although saving money is important, education and life experience is one of those times when it's more important to focus on what the best option is and make the finances work.

ViolaLass

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

He first needs to check the admissions criteria for various universities; not everywhere will accept BTech. He also needs to think about what a degree in the subject actually leads to ie will he be paid more in his chosen career? There are an awful lot of mediocre "universities" flogging mediocre courses in this country unfortunately.

Don't forget that the Open University can be done at any age, from any job. You don't have to go to university at 18 just because everyone else is.

Indeed, he really doesn't have to go now, and pushing him at a time when he is being "lazy/blase" about it and isn't doing the (supposed) necessary research could just lead to him doing a degree badly, or dropping out, or going somewhere inappropriate.

I wouldn't push him, I really wouldn't. This has to be on him.