Best advice to give to son?

theoretica

redmel1621 wrote: »

We aren't really getting time to visit any universities. With him and his dad both working weekends. There is an open day tomorrow at one he might be interested in, but it is his brother 16th tomorrow so we aren't going to make that either!

We're all at work/college/school etc through the week so no time to arrange a separate viewing either! It is really hard as we are such a busy family.

If you can't all go, then can he? I know it is now more usual for parents to go to open days than it used to be, but I am sure they can cope with students alone. My sixth form was fine with us taking a day off for selected open days and interviews so long as we made the work up. Mostly I hopped on a train, but one a fellow student was driving so I got a lift.


Also, he does not need to have a final decision by the application deadline. With five choices to apply to he can put down both the local university and others and keep his options open until he knows where he has been offered a place.

Marvel1

I stayed at home, mainly for cost reasons and have no regrets.

People say move out, it's part ofbtje experience and be independent- yet parents give money, which to me defeats the object.

redmel1621

OldMusicGuy wrote: »

Does he really need to go to Uni, or could he wait a year? You really seem to be making the decision on the wrong basis here. This is a once in a lifetime chance and you shouldn't be doing it on the grounds of low cost and convenience IMO. The job market is very competitive out there, he needs the best degree he can get from the best Uni his qualifications allow him to get to. If that is one of your local ones, great. If not, he could end up struggling to get a job after three years.

Regarding ease of studying at home, how many of your household know the subject he will be studying? How many books on the subject do you have? If he lives at Uni he will be able to discuss his course topic with other students, he will have easy access to the Uni library. Will he have the same facilities at home....?

He wants to go and tbh a year out is not the best idea. I know too many people who 'took a year out' and never returned to education. They got a job and didn't want to give up the money, but always regretted the decision. I fully support him wanting to continue his education without a gap.

He will have access to the uni library even if he lives at home? With regards talking to other students he will also have the same opportunities to do that as he would if he lived at home. In halls you aren't always sharing with people from your course, so he may end up with no one in his accommodation that eh can talk to about his course anyway.

My other son (who turns 16 tomorrow) already knows he wants to move away as soon as he can and go to a uni as far away as possible. That is fine with me. I will be more prepared to help him as he knows already. We can make plans to visit universities in his 1st year of 6th form.

The eldest hasn't a clue what he wants to do. He keeps changin his mind. He was even on about staying at his current college to do the HNC and just going to our local uni the following year into year 2.

He is confused and I just need to help point him in the right direction to help him make up his own mind.

happyandcontented

I work in a college that does the BTECH, and top up degree and to be frank, it doesn't have the same cachet as a degree from a red brick institution.

It is the only option for some people and we do it well, and it is a real stepping stone for those who otherwise would not go to university in the traditional manner. However, imho it doesn't replicate the experience or life lessons a university does and it doesn't give the same opportunities/open the same doors to the student.

I wouldn't have advised any of mine to take that route unless there were other factors in play.

redmel1621

theoretica wrote: »

If you can't all go, then can he? I know it is now more usual for parents to go to open days than it used to be, but I am sure they can cope with students alone. My sixth form was fine with us taking a day off for selected open days and interviews so long as we made the work up. Mostly I hopped on a train, but one a fellow student was driving so I got a lift.


Also, he does not need to have a final decision by the application deadline. With five choices to apply to he can put down both the local university and others and keep his options open until he knows where he has been offered a place.

He doesn't want to go alone!?

That is a good idea. thank you. I can at least suggest that to him. Put a mixture down and leave it to fate to see where he gets in lol. If he gets multiple offers then at least the decision is delayed for a while... If he can't make up his mind this is a good stategy :T

redmel1621

cjdavies wrote: »

I stayed at home, mainly for cost reasons and have no regrets.

People say move out, it's part ofbtje experience and be independent- yet parents give money, which to me defeats the object.

Thank you.

I'm glad you don't regret not moving out. That makes me a feel a bit better if he does decide to to stay at home.

I agree that it does seem to defeat the objective of 'standing on your own two feet' doesn't it.

If he stayed at home, I would ask for rent, so he would be used to paying his way. He would also have to either sort all his own meals, or cook for the family once a week. He would also have to do his own laundry. SO not completely handheld etc.. However, I would keep the cupboards filled, meals on the table and he would have all his own home comforts. Not that he has many lol.

He has a tough decision to make. But I'm sure he will make the right one for him.

happyandcontented

redmel1621 wrote: »

He doesn't want to go alone!?

That is a good idea. thank you. I can at least suggest that to him. Put a mixture down and leave it to fate to see where he gets in lol. If he gets multiple offers then at least the decision is delayed for a while... If he can't make up his mind this is a good stategy :T

He still needs to look at his away choices carefully, three/four years is a long time!!

ska_lover

redmel1621 wrote: »

We aren't really getting time to visit any universities. With him and his dad both working weekends. There is an open day tomorrow at one he might be interested in, but it is his brother 16th tomorrow so we aren't going to make that either!

We're all at work/college/school etc through the week so no time to arrange a separate viewing either! It is really hard as we are such a busy family.

OP, in order to make this work, you will all have to make it happen

Is it really such a hardship to book a day off work? Is it really such a drama if the entire day doesn't revolve around the 16 yo birthday?

Not really

You are talking the talk, but really you have got to put the time in, either you or him, or both of you...........but atm you can't help him come to any kind of informed decision, as you aren't informed about anything and neither is he

I suggest he makes the open days. Pretty much a 'must' to get any kind of idea, otherwise he is not working on facts, its all a mystical idea of what Uni may be like in an environment that you dont know exists

Monday, instead of sitting there batting (non factual) ideas around, go to a local careers advisory such as connexions etc

TBF most students will stay at home because it is cheaper / easier, but if you are planning to charge your lad, yet he will still have to live under parental rule, I dont see why the hell he would not just move away - as that appears to be the situation you want

Never heard of a parent charging their Uni student 'rent'

CruisingSaver

It's so important that he can go and get a feel for universities he's interested in as they're all so different.


Have a look at the student room forum, there's loads of advice there and some very knowledgeable posters, some of whom work in unversity admissions.


Parents are supposed to contribute to their children's uni living costs if they receive less than the full maintenance loan. In addition, if he stays at home his maintenance loan will be less.


I'd really recommend he gets some advice from college about his options. Good luck it's hard trying to help them make the 'right' decision.

redmel1621

Thanks for all your thoughts.

i have some ideas that I can discuss with him in terms of what he should be thinking about and discussing what is actually important to him.