Best advice to give to son?

redmel1621

My eldest is applying to university for next year. Since he started his Btech, last Sept, he has been set on going to a local uni and living at home. He is now making noises about moving away to uni, but is clearly very confused as in the same conversation he mentions maybe he should stay at the college he is at to do a year HNC then go to a local uni to top up to a degree.

We are going to sit down on Monday (when we are both off work/college) and have a good chat about it. In preperation for this I have started researching rough accommodation costs, student finance and best courses. He will also need to do his own research.

Ultimately it needs to be his own decision and I want him to go away on Monday with a plan of what he needs to look into in order to make the decision. His options are:

Stay at his current college for an additional year to complete a HNC (equal to yr1 at uni) and then transfer to our local university to complete years two and three of the degree. Meaning he can stay living at home and working in his weekend job

Go straight to a local university for the full 3 years. Meaning he can remain living at home and working in his weekend job

Go to a university further away. Meaning moving into halls for the first year and trying to relocate his job or apply/interview/secure a new job.

My thinking is that he needs to consider the financial implications of accommodation and living expenses along with the potential of not having a job, if he moves away.

If he stays at home he will have more money and no upheaval. I think if he did stay at home the option of going straight to uni would be preferable as he would get to know his course peers and settle in to uni life quicker.

However, if he moved away he would have more freedom, more independence, his own room/space..... He currently shares with two siblings.

From my perspective if he moves away, I lose one half of my childcare duo. I would also feel the need to send him money/supermarket giftcards etc to make sure he is eating. I also feel that as he is a lazy swine he would not keep on top of his work if no one is nudging him too; however, if he does move away there will be more space in the house. Less food to buy, as he eats for Britain, less laundry to do, one less person to have to nag to get a shower/wash/brush teeth, empty plates, take crockery down from the bedroom, tidy up after themselves, flush the loo etcetc) Swings and roundabouts eh lol.

As you can see, I am completely torn about how to advise him. He is completely torn about what to do as he keeps coming out with conflicting decisions.

Any advice on how best to help him make this decision.

Skibunny40

There should be a careers / further education advisor at college that can give him some pointers to consider.

elsien

Whatever option he takes, he has to take responsibility for his own learning without having someone on hand nudging him.
Before you get into costs etc, he needs to verbalise what it is about the different options that are appealing to him, and which aspects/ are making it so hard for him to decide
And keep your own feelings about childcare/money/having to make sure he's eating out of it. That's down to him to sort. Making unwise decisions is all part of the process.

jackieblack

Everyone I know who went to a local uni and stayed living at home, with the benefit of hindsight, regrets doing so and wishes they'd moved awayand had the 'full' uni experience.
Some do find it hard to start with but there's so much more to going to university than just the degree course.

theoretica

A few thoughts:

1) Not all universities and courses are equal. Will one suit his interests better, or have better employment statistics?
2) If he moves away and is supporting himself and paying more for his education will he work to get the most out of it?
3) Moving away to university is when many young people grow up and learn to cope alone - this will need to happen sometime.
4) Would his siblings like more space at home without him in the room?

Threebabes

In a similar situation with our daughter. At the end of the day its her decision but ive told her financially she would be comfortable staying home rather than moving away but then again I can understand the attraction of moving out.

I think really they are adults and they have to sort it out themselves. Shes got a part-time job and saving in case she decides to go away. Ive said to her the course she wants to do will probably mean she will have to relocate once finished so why rush it. Now its up to her and we will support her anyway we can.

maman

You can weigh up all the domestic/social issues on Monday but he really does need to check which universities offer the best courses for his subject. His college lecturers should be able to advise on this.


If his weekend job is with a national chain he may be able to get a transfer to another branch.


Personally I think he should go away. Sharing a room with 2 siblings is a lot to expect for a student.

redmel1621

jackieblack wrote: »

Everyone I know who went to a local uni and stayed living at home, with the benefit of hindsight, regrets doing so and wishes they'd moved awayand had the 'full' uni experience.
Some do find it hard to start with but there's so much more to going to university than just the degree course.

This is one of the reasons I think he should move away. He is a proper 'homebird' and doesn't really go out much. I think it would help him to grow as a person and become much more independent.

theoretica wrote: »

A few thoughts:

1) Not all universities and courses are equal. Will one suit his interests better, or have better employment statistics?
2) If he moves away and is supporting himself and paying more for his education will he work to get the most out of it?
3) Moving away to university is when many young people grow up and learn to cope alone - this will need to happen sometime.
4) Would his siblings like more space at home without him in the room?

1. I definitely think he needs to look more into what the unversities offer in terms of opportunities after heis qualified. Whether they offer any networking opportuities for example...
2. I honestly don't know.
3. Yes, my thoughts exactly. I think I would worry about him if he moved out at 18 or 38 lol. Once a mother always a mother
4. Definitely. I also said to him that one of the benefits would be that he would have his own space.

Threebabes wrote: »

In a similar situation with our daughter. At the end of the day its her decision but ive told her financially she would be comfortable staying home rather than moving away but then again I can understand the attraction of moving out.

I think really they are adults and they have to sort it out themselves. Shes got a part-time job and saving in case she decides to go away. Ive said to her the course she wants to do will probably mean she will have to relocate once finished so why rush it. Now its up to her and we will support her anyway we can.

It is definitely their decision and I am the same in that I will support him no matter what he decides.

I honestly do think socially and for him to grow and mature as a person, it would be better for him to move away, but financially it makes far more sense to stay at home.

Monday it will only be the two of us in the house, so we can discuss it properly then.

OldMusicGuy

He should make the choice about going to Uni on the basis of how a degree could help him in his future life, not what's most convenient/cheapest. If he has a degree subject in mind he should try to get to the best Uni he can that offers that course, not the one that is closest to home.

Personally, I would say going to Uni while living at home is best avoided. Part of Uni life is learning how to balance studies, social life and cooking/looking after yourself without mum/dad/whoever doing it all for you. It's great preparation for life in the real world.

Mind you, my son went to Uni at Bath and in his first year one of his flatmates had their parents bring them frozen meals every week all the way from Liverpool! That kind of defeats the point.....:rotfl:

Artytarty

Sharing with two children when I was going to uni would be a deal breaker for me! I'd go away to escape thta situation.If you want him to stay is there any way he could be given his own space ?

redmel1621

Artytarty wrote: »

Sharing with two children when I was going to uni would be a deal breaker for me! I'd go away to escape thta situation.If you want him to stay is there any way he could be given his own space ?

I know right! I kept thinking that when he was so adamant he was staying home and going to a local uni lol.

No way of him having his own room unfortunately. He has his own space in the room, as they all do. Their own area of the room with desk, drawers, compter, console etc... BUT still - sharing a room at 18 must suck!