OH terrible at DIY but does not realise it

moneyistooshorttomention

silverwhistle wrote: »

I think SunnyInterval's comment should also be taken on board, or certainly the academic papers on the cultural bias of IQ tests would make interesting reading.

That comment had me doing a quick google this morning to see if there is such a thing as cultural bias in IQ tests and coming up against an example of an American example of maybe a kid didnt know that the word that goes with "cup" is "saucer" out of several different possibilities they were given. If that's what is meant by cultural bias = huh??? and I wouldn't agree. An IQ is what it is - working class, middle class, black, white or striped.

elljay

Gosh, this could be my ex - right down to the bed-making! Mine never researched despite my putting the Readers Digest DIY book in front of his nose and trying to support him by talking through the job- pre-internet days then. Sounds like you do the same.

His problem was he always thought he had discovered a better way of doing things, something unique that nobody else had discovered. Our beds were all boxes of unfinished wood with a mattress on top, fortunately I don't care where I sleep so decided this argument wasn't worth having. It was when he fixed the electrics on my carpet shampooer that I started sorting it. It worked for a while then stopped, I sneakily took it to a repairer who told me it was an electric shock waiting to kill me (maybe that was the exes plan!!!) and he had wired it up all wrong - he probably thought it was a better way of doing it - always wanting to be different. In the end I sorted things myself (with plenty of ref to Youtube or the above mentioned book) or called someone in before he really got the chance to find the home made tools.

It is soooo much better living on my own and sorting things out myself without having to worry if it was either dangerous or embarrassingly botched- or worrying about his ego either! He now spends his free time writing letters to New Scientist etc about something else he's discovered, or developing new computer games (similar to those kids were playing years ago). If he went out into the world with his eyes open he'd know that all these things are well known already.

Ho hum - why on earth do we bother with them?! I really wish you luck with this - obviously I can think of a simple solution, but that might not suit you. It does feel bigger than the diy though Good luck. EJ

paddy's_mum

elljay wrote: »

It does feel bigger than the diy though

It is! It's a life, death or financial suicide situation and OP is still more afraid of argument and conflict than she is of being miserable for the rest of her life.

Lady - get some backbone somehow and stop being this cretin's doormat! :mad:

Someone wise once told me that when you keep on and on making the same mistake, you are MAKING A CHOICE!

You are choosing to tolerate his selfishness and idiocy and you are also choosing to fund putting it right. What does that make you...saint or stupid?

Good luck.

DCFC79

The course is a good idea as there could be 2/3 outcomes, he will get told his work isn't suitable by the college tutor, he realises he is better at some of the tasks than others or he comes to the realisation he is no good at DIY.

Smodlet

https://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-1-houses-britains-cheapest-street

Bit of an eye-opener involving people who did not have the luxury of paying someone else to do up their houses, all of which were in an absolutely horrible state; some did not have roofs yet every one of them seems to have had more sense than Mr. Top 1%. At what, exactly? Being a d!ck?

Your OH sounds like the polar opposite of mine. He is just about useless with money but very good with DIY. He learned from his grandfather back when people really took pride in their work. He knows the first rule of DIY is to know your limitations.

He is great at anything to do with wood but he does not like hinges. He can do them but knows they are his weak point. Electrics he is fine with so long as they go back to a socket; once they have to go back to the mains, it is time to call a sparks. Just a couple of months ago he did a load of prep towards getting power into the brick shed; he left the actual wiring to our wonderful sparks. He can plumb but hates it so calls a plumber... We have been together for 25 wonderful years and still make each other laugh.

I would love to be well off but would I trade it for what you have, OP? Not in a million years.

ETA: He has just read this whole thread because I asked him to; he was pleased with my comment. Can you do the same, OP? That is what trust looks like.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

This makes me appreciate my OH even more. Not because he's good at DIY, but because he is confident enough in his masculinity to accept that practical, technical stuff is my specialty (it's my job, after all). As such, he generally doesn't attempt anything more than the simplest repairs, asks what I think before, during and after, will take instruction if it's something that I would find too physical and always respects my emerging from underneath something with a 'Nah' as instant grounds for engaging a professional.

It takes a particular breed of stupid to interfere with electrics to the extent of being potentially made liable for the death of the next person to use them. (Or to be ostensibly 'sober' but just be better at not having any smell of alcohol on the breath whilst screwing everything up. Does the DIY ever involve being in the loft alone, being in a position to remove a bath panel or cistern top where bottles/cans could be stored/you being told to leave him alone whilst he gets on with things? :cool:)


It's not your fault for 'being easily controlled'. It's his fault for being controlling and manipulative to the extent that it could cost you your life.


You aren't insured for a very large amount, by any chance, are you?

thorsoak

My home is, I have discovered, blighted by an old-time field engineer - who was accustomed to repairing/replacing anything broken/failing by whatever he had on hand ....and sadly, I have realised that my dear-departed OH had the same mind-set - it came down from his father who was an oil field engineer who could get anything to work with whatever it was on hand! So now that I am on my own, I am having not only to rectify faults from 20+ years ago, but also to work out however they got anything to work at all! Today's electrocians and plumbers reckon that they all must have had guardian angels working overtime - and of course, now it costs me extra!

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

Get. Him a sledgehammer anD an old greenhouse! Then let him bang away to his hearts contemt!

Savvy_Sue

ancientofdays wrote: »

You might like to consider totting up the hours he would spend on a project and suggest all the fun things you could be doing together in that time if you have professionals in to do it?

That would be my route, although sharing how you feel and guaging his reaction is probably the healthiest route long-term.

But also you said much earlier he probably wouldn't notice if you just got stuff done professionally. Why not just take that route?

Cleo&tammy

wow, this would drive me crazy. He seems to have alot of time on his hands, you should find something that you both enjoy doing together and keep him occupied, then call in the professionals. My hubby is terrible at diy also but luckily he knows it and hates doing it.