Boyfriend moving in... how much should he pay?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Friend of mine had that with his partner - no matter how desperate his financial situation was (he got made redundant, for example), she refused to pay even a lodger's rate, but would talk of plans for the house to be sold that she would own half of.


Eventually, he realised that it didn't matter that he loved her, the relationship wasn't going anywhere he wanted it to and he broke it off, saying that if he knew in advance what would happen once she had a nice house to live in and next to no money to spend on anything other than fancy food, clothes and a few holidays, he'd never have let her move in.


It's introducing a huge imbalance into a new relationship - either one has all the power from being the one who owns it, or the other does from not having to pay their way. I certainly wouldn't recommend it.

MovingForwards

Has he got a job ready for when he is out the service?

If he hasnt, what is he going to do for money until he gets a job? If using savings how long would it tide him over until he secures work?

If he wasnt going to move in with you what were his alternative living arrangements going to be and how much would that cost and again be funded.

How much time have you spent together if he has been serving and you have been together a year?

It will take a lot for your OH to adjust to civilian life, not having someone ordering him around and a very strict life with his mates around 24/7 going through the same day as him.

Don't get me wrong there are some benefits to having an ex-service man around, well domesticated and independent (contradictory to the above I know), together with problem solving (they rarely shake off what has been drummed into them). Takes a lot of effort to make it work.

What I am getting at is maybe give him a few months to find his feet on the outside rather than have him move in.

Ergates

Kim_kim wrote: »

I do understand your point, but I wouldn’t expect to live anywhere rent free.
It’s worrying that the boyfriend does.
Perhaps it’s best he rents his own accommodation for a while and you buy somewhere jointly when you are both ready.
If you put in more, make sure that is reflected.

Better for who? The landlord?

If they are, as stated multiple times, wanting to join their finances together in the next 2 years, how on earth is him paying out another £500 a month for "a while" beneficial to them as a couple?

Also - if he pays rent, or contributes towards the mortgage whilst living there he *will* build up a beneficial interest in the property. i.e. he will have a legal claim to partial ownership on it. It isn't optional, it *will* happen.

Financially shooting yourself in the foot because you can't bear the thought of someone living rent free would be a deeply stupid decision to make.

Red-Squirrel_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's introducing a huge imbalance into a new relationship - either one has all the power from being the one who owns it, or the other does from not having to pay their way. I certainly wouldn't recommend it.

What would you recommend instead?

Beans27

AstroTurtle wrote: »

At a loss for words for how this poor fella has been accused of all kinds of things he hasn't even done yet.

I was just thinking exactly the same thing! Poor bloke, all these accusations, from trying to fleece the OP of half her house to wanting an unpaid slave?!!


For what it's worth, I did the same thing 8 years ago, moved into the boyfriends house after a year, I DID pay an amount for living there as it didn't sit right with me not paying anything. At the time we both had decent jobs and sold up and bought somewhere together 3 years down the line. I wasn't going to try and fleece him if we'd split up.....I don't think most normal, rational people would.
Trust that you are the best person OP to judge his character, and that you wouldn't be thinking of a future together if you weren't that sure about him :beer:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

What would you recommend instead?

Move into accommodation nearby, get a job, get settled and then reassess after a year of being independent of the Army/adjusting to a completely different lifestyle.

getmore4less

Paying interest on a mortgage debt should build up a beneficial interest in a property.

eg. 100% interest only mortgage paying 1/2 the mortgage you should have a beneficial interest in 1/2 the property.

Cola_chew

No wonder, he's keen. He is suggesting he lives with you for £145 a month. What man would n't?



A man(or woman) working full-time should offer to pay half without even having to discuss it.

You are right to ask him for more money. There should be enough trust in your relationship for you to know that he will not try to claim for your property. As this is not the case right now, then date him longer, before moving in together. Maybe move in together when you are married.

Red-Squirrel_2

Cola_chew wrote: »

Maybe move in together when you are married.

A few people have suggested this but I think its terrible advice!

Living together is a real test of a relationship, if they aren't able to get along and make it work they'd have all the hassle of a divorce if they'd waited until after marriage!

Gavin83

Cola_chew wrote: »

There should be enough trust in your relationship for you to know that he will not try to claim for your property.

So never then? It's all well and good to say this but if the relationship fails opinions can change. Besides why shouldn't he have a claim on her property? The law obviously thinks he does.

You could also flip this on its head, maybe they should wait until there's enough trust for her to know that ultimately she'll get the money anyway.

Besides, as has been pointed out if they don't move in together it's worse for both of them (by easily a 5 figure sum) should they stay together. Not really ideal.