Woman’s agenda

Katy76

Her agenda may indeed be just to go cycling...

hazyjo

Mojisola wrote: »

This woman is a causal work colleague - I wouldn't involve her in his relationship - more important to keep her at arm's length so that she realises they can be cycling buddies but nothing else.

Absolutely agree, but would use it as a subtle way of saying 'back off if that's what you're thinking of'. Not saying go shopping together to treat the missus, or model some sexy underwear or something, more of a 'I'm happily married' sort of statement without embarrassing the woman.

culpepper

Does he know of a club she could join where she can cycle with others more often? I expect she really wants company for her cycling but if romance is her real goal, a bigger pond is needed.
If he doesnt know of one yet, it might be worth looking up local clubs and maybe going along himself instead of going with just her on rides OR pointing her to one or just suggesting to her that, there is one here and these are the details.

They could start and finish their ride at your place/she could leave her things there for after the ride and come in for a cuppa afterwards which would show that he has a home and a girlfriend to come back to.

He could bring a friend along when they ride so it looks less like he is going on the ride entirely for her pleasure..

As far as putting her off romance wise, does she know he is not single?
He may have inadvertantly mentioned wishing he had a riding buddy himself in work and not realised she thought he specifically meant her.

phryne

Katy76 wrote: »

After he cancelled my boyfriend phoned me up to tell me after he text the woman, she replied saying “that’s a shame I was looking forward to seeing you :-/ “ which both me and my boyfriend found a little odd. Then when my boyfriend came back to our house after the weekend with family he showed me the text where I saw she had also sent him a few texts over the past few weeks trying to make conversation. For example after she said she was sad they cancelled the cycle she then text again asking how was his drive home. I found it odd she was trying to get some kind of conversation going.

Am I being paranoid or does this woman like my boyfriend romantically?

Would she have written the same to a female cycling companion? It's possible, but it does sound like she is trying to get to know him better, at the very least.

greenbee

It doesn't really matter what she means by it - neither message seems particularly problematic but if your boyfriend feels uncomfortable with it then he needs to deal with it.

She may just want a cycling buddy, or a friend at work and see this as a way to build a relationship. Maybe your BF could suggest starting a work cycling club so that there are more people involved.

He can always ignore texts, but needs to be mindful of not creating a bad atmosphere at work. If he has a separate work phone it is easy enough to claim it was switched off when at home.

Don't read too much into it. I work very closely with my boss, we travel together which involves 18-odd hours a day together, lots of time in taxis, airport lounges, on planes, restaurants and hotels or shared apartments (sometimes with other colleagues, sometimes just the two of us).

When we're not together, we communicate pretty much continuously using a variety of messaging apps and sometimes it's not entirely work (we're currently in different countries and have just been discussing running routes in a city that I was in last week and he'll be in this week). We check up on whether the other one has arrived OK when we're travelling, and don't pay much attention to working hours/weekends/holiday (there are only two of us in the team, and often we're in different timezones anyway). If we're busy with family and friends then responses may be delayed, but our families understand the nature of our work, know us and our personalities and how we work together. None of them are bothered by the messages (even the 'wish you were here' ones that often come up when one of us is in a difficult meeting) as they're generally pleased we get otherwise they'd be dealing with all the complaints!

Gloomendoom

I'd be hiding my rabbits and large cooking pots.

Just a precaution.

Poor_Single_lady

I think she likes him romantically. You will always get responses saying it's cool and you're over reacting but I don't think you are.
She is trying to tell him gently that she likes him. Yes it's not the most provocative text-phrasing, but that is generally how you communicate your interest in someone. You don't just send a text saying - I really like you, back to mine? No it needs to be subtle and soft so you have wriggle room and room to back out.

hazyjo

Sunny_Intervals wrote: »

In all seriousness, though, I don't think it's 100% certain from the stuff you've described. She may just be lonely and trying to make a friend.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd not try and make a friend out of someone else's husband/partner. Different if you work together and do things in groups or have to liaise closely in a work-friendship like with greenbee, or even if you were friends before the partner came along (I go for drinks with a male friend from work - not about to drop him just because I'm living with my OH). greenbee - how would your OH feel if you said you and this work person were going cycling at the weekend together or something else together (wine tasting, whale watching, to the zoo... who knows, and where does it end and what's acceptable to one might not be to another!).


Not looking for a whole 'can men and women be friends' discussion, but IMO it's no different to them say going down the gym and befriending some woman/bloke and starting to see them on weekends. Just seems somewhat disrespectful. (For the record, I do believe they can be friends, really good friends - BUT (big but...) I believe one always fancies the other, or there is some sort of history (even just a kiss). Not talking about colleagues who you might sit with at a Christmas party or chat with in the pub on a Fri night, I mean if you're out one-on-one with them.)

Comms69

hazyjo wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but I'd not try and make a friend out of someone else's husband/partner. - can I just check, so you would decide that because they're seeing someone you cant be friends? Different if you work together and do things in groups or have to liaise closely in a work-friendship like with greenbee, or even if you were friends before the partner came along (I go for drinks with a male friend from work - not about to drop him just because I'm living with my OH). greenbee - how would your OH feel if you said you and this work person were going cycling at the weekend together or something else together (wine tasting, whale watching, to the zoo... who knows, and where does it end and what's acceptable to one might not be to another!). - I mean those three examples are quite a bit more intimate than cycling. Is that really comparable? Not that I necessarily think that friends cant do that, but maybe not the best way when starting a friendship to keep the messages clear


Not looking for a whole 'can men and women be friends' discussion, but IMO it's no different to them say going down the gym and befriending some woman/bloke and starting to see them on weekends. - It's actually quite different. Just seems somewhat disrespectful. (For the record, I do believe they can be friends, really good friends - BUT (big but...) I believe one always fancies the other, or there is some sort of history (even just a kiss). - really? I mean we're clearly talking about heterosexual examples of this, but I certainly don't fancy my female friends, so either they're all hiding feelings for me, or the more likely scenario is that you're mistaken. Not talking about colleagues who you might sit with at a Christmas party or chat with in the pub on a Fri night, I mean if you're out one-on-one with them.)

Why would someone have to fancy someone else, to be friends? I really don't understand the logic. I will agree that your theory will be sometimes true, but to say that it's always the case seems to be a stretch

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

Why would someone have to fancy someone else, to be friends? I really don't understand the logic. I will agree that your theory will be sometimes true, but to say that it's always the case seems to be a stretch

Yes.

And, if one of you does fancy the other one you can be grown up about it and still be friends. My closest friend is female and drop dead gorgeous - every bloke who meets her fancies her. Her partner is well used to it and they have a very strong relationship - best I know

I fancy her - she knows it. Absolutely nothing will ever happen and we have a brilliant friendship. I am friends with her partner and my partner is friends with both of them. My partner wouldn't believe me if I said I didn't fancy her. We met through a mutual friend so no work involvement.

I hate these friendship "rules". Anyone can be friends with anyone. As long as everyone is open and mature then there should be no problems