Woman’s agenda

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

Yes.

And, if one of you does fancy the other one you can be grown up about it and still be friends. My closest friend is female and drop dead gorgeous - every bloke who meets her fancies her. Her partner is well used to it and they have a very strong relationship - best I know

I fancy her - she knows it. Absolutely nothing will ever happen and we have a brilliant friendship. I am friends with her partner and my partner is friends with both of them. My partner wouldn't believe me if I said I didn't fancy her. We met through a mutual friend so no work involvement.

I hate these friendship "rules". Anyone can be friends with anyone. As long as everyone is open and mature then there should be no problems

Well indeed, and maybe it's a case of defining what 'fancy' means.


I can tell someone is attractive, but I wouldn't want a relationship with them.


One of my former work colleagues, who I occasionally see, is clearly very attratcive, but I'd rather headbutt a brick wall than put up with her in a relationship. Her partner must be a saint. As a friend though she's fine, because I don't have to deal with the drama!

PasturesNew

If it were me and I'd been cycling, that'd have been it. No need for any other texts not specifically regarding cycling.

After the cancellation, there'd have been nothing more than an "OK" from me, indicating I'd seen it, so wouldn't be stood waiting.

She's a bit of a tartar.....

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Personally, I'd think of it as nothing, just a friendly thing to say. But that could be because we're nearer her age than yours and I've got a couple of really close male friends where we met and just clicked - a relationship was not something that was ever going to happen with either, but we will send messages along those lines.



As gorgeous as your OH might be, her only 'agenda' could be that she would like a training buddy/a friend who shares similar interests. Naturally, I'd assume that he has mentioned you when talking, as I've never not known when a mate is married/has a partner, just as they've always known I've got the OH.


So, don't worry or try to read something into it that in all probability is not there in the first place.

pickledonionspaceraider

Hmmm I don't know. I would not feel comfortable with this, as she sounds like shes trying to get her claws in IMO - as there are other aspects to her conversation

If you were comfortable with it OP there woudn't be a thread

annandale

If your partner isn't comfortable then he doesn't need to see her again.

It is easily enough done. He could also block her number. Easily enough done.

I had a male friend who I met through a forum who turned into a major headache. I was interested in him romantically but he killed that with his insistence that I was seeing everyone I said hi to on an Internet forum. He was on the same forum. We met up twice and I liked him but he was OK face to face. On the phone and on social media he was a nightmare. Insanely jealous. He barely knew me.

He phoned me every night and if I didn't answer on the first ring I had men in my flat. Which I didn't of course.

He went spare one night when I told him I'd be feeding my pet cats before I spoke to him on the phone.

I blocked him. He actually threatened me in the end and I cut all ties. My point is. This is only as hard as your partner makes it. If he's not comfortable around her because he thinks she wants something more he can make a decision about it rather than agonise over it.

It's actually irrelevant what she wants. If you and your partner are happy together she won't have an effect on that full stop.

Poor_Single_lady

Jo-jo I think that is seriously bad advice. katy is concerned, she can't just ignore it, you sound like you have a lot of misplaced faith in women.

NeilCr

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Jo-jo I think that is seriously bad advice. katy is concerned, she can't just ignore it, you sound like you have a lot of misplaced faith in women.

But she does have faith in her boyfriend. He's been open and showed her all the texts. Either she trusts him or she doesn't - and sounds like she does. So what do you think is actually going to happen?

annandale's right. It's easy enough for the boyfriend to stop this. But, so far, absolutely no harm has been done and none of us really know what the lady is thinking. As has been said she may be a bit lonely.

greenbee

hazyjo wrote: »

greenbee - how would your OH feel if you said you and this work person were going cycling at the weekend together or something else together (wine tasting, whale watching, to the zoo... who knows, and where does it end and what's acceptable to one might not be to another!).

Well I already run and swim with him... and share an apartment (sometimes with another male colleague as well). He's seen me without make up on, and in my gym kit, swimming costume and PJs (to be fair, all the guys who share the work apartment have probably seen my in my PJs and without my makeup on). We sometimes go to nice restaurants for dinner, go sightseeing if we're away somewhere over a weekend or have free time, and spend long haul flights sleeping next to each other.

It's certainly much more acceptable than the previous job where I'd be away for a couple of weeks on my own, and frankly if I'd vanished it would have taken a while for anyone to notice or do anything about it.

However, we don't socialise outside of work - while we're travelling we pretty much do everything together, but when we're not there's a bit of chat about friends/family/what we're up to, but that's it. We've got a week together next week and by the end of it I'll be very happy to return him to his wife (and she's happy that I can scare off all the younger girls who attempt to flirt with him... I can be very scary if necessary).

Katy76

I probably need to emphasise this is a BRAND new friendship that my boyfriend has with this woman. He said he hardly knew her as he rarely spoke to her at work and she only works two days a week. They have now been cycling twice so they are very much at the getting to know each other stage of a friendship. I feel some of you may be thinking these texts are completely normal as you would send them to some of your oldest and dearest friends. I’m not saying she isn’t simply being friendly. I am not sure what she thinks I just had a bad feeling.
I do completely trust my boyfriend so I hear what you are saying - that she is irrelevant. Yet it just sits uneasy with me if she thinks with each cycle she is getting more invested in the idea of being with him romantically. While my boyfriend found the texts a little strange, they aren’t strange enough for him to cease contact so for now things are just going to continue and he is actually going cycling with her this evening.

I was fretting about things after reading all these posts so I asked my boyfriend if I could see the texts again. I had actually remembered them wrong here is what was said:

- My boyfriend cancelled the cycling
- The woman replied:

I know it’s not great in the rain is it? We’ll do it one day next week instead :-) Have a good weekend in ****(home city)

- My boyfriend did not respond
- An hour later the woman text again:

Bloody weather! I was looking forward to seeing you :-/

My boyfriend replied to reschedule (for today).
- The woman replied:

Yes definitely I shall be ready for you x

- My boyfriend did not reply
- The woman text again:

Did you have a good journey over to ***** (home city)? X

hazyjo

'I shall be ready for you x'?


She's after him. Absolutely no doubt from me. But then I'm cynical LOL. Others will say 'ah, it's all fine, she's just being matey'. Doesn't matter if you trust him, I would not want him being with her knowing that she wanted him.


Someone at my ex husband's work (a female friend I didn't have a problem with him seeing) sent him a text one night ending it with 'LUV YOU' with kisses at the end. I sent her an email telling her it was inappropriate. Nobody liked it, nobody was happy with it, but I didn't regret it once. (Don't want to bang on about why I read his text that night, I was in the wrong, but thought I had reason.)