Woman’s agenda

annandale

Personally, I'd think of it as nothing, just a friendly thing to say. But that could be because we're nearer her age than yours and I've got a couple of really close male friends where we met and just clicked - a relationship was not something that was ever going to happen with either, but we will send messages along those lines.



As gorgeous as your OH might be, her only 'agenda' could be that she would like a training buddy/a friend who shares similar interests. Naturally, I'd assume that he has mentioned you when talking, as I've never not known when a mate is married/has a partner, just as they've always known I've got the OH.


So, don't worry or try to read something into it that in all probability is not there in the first place.

I agree and I also agree that if the Ops partner is not interested in this woman there is nothing to worry about anyway.

hazyjo

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I get where you're coming from, but if your partner is going to be tempted and will cheat if a willing accomplice makes themselves available, well, there's no future there is there anyway? You can't spend the relationship trying to rein them in and control whether they get opportunity to act on their urges or not, can you? If they want to cheat and are willing to cheat, its doomed, isn't it?

True to a certain extent, I agree. The thing with friendships like that which develop further, they often turn into love. Not saying anything has to happen, but it can mess with feelings, especially when one obviously fancies the other.

Maybe I'm just more 'damaged' lol!

Pretty sure my OH wouldn't cheat on me, I trust him until he breaks it which is hopefully never! He doesn't give me reason to doubt him, but then he doesn't go out much lol. Maybe that's why it works lol!

Wouldn't say I'm a particularly jealous person. I have even been chatting with his ex missus about going out for a girlie night out, and looking for houses for her to buy up the road from us lol!

Poor_Single_lady

But she is allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Some of these posts are very dismissive to her feelings. Almost telling her that she is being silly.

It's not about trust or what her boyfriend will do. It is about how she feels about it.

I

NeilCr

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

But she is allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Some of these posts are very dismissive to her feelings. Almost telling her that she is being silly.

It's not about trust or what her boyfriend will do. It is about how she feels about it.

I

No-one has said she isn't allowed to feel uncomfortable about it. Quite a lot of the discussion has been around the more general issues rather than the OP's specific case. And a few of us (from both sides of the discussion) have said that the way to go, if she is uneasy, is to talk about her feelings with her husband

However (and we are not talking about the OP here) it is more than possible that feeling uncomfortable about something is, actuallly, entirely unreasonable given the circumstances. And that the problem doesn't lie with the partner and what they are doing but with the person who has the feelings. Trust would help with that

Beyond that Jojo (in her last excellent post) has, far more articulately than I could have managed, set out how I'd see the situation. I, too, have seen friends disappear from social life because of the choke chain (love that phrase!). My female friend (see earlier posts) says to me that she tends to find that women who are in relationships often seem to be wary of/don't trust single women

Stoke

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

But she is allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Some of these posts are very dismissive to her feelings. Almost telling her that she is being silly.

It's not about trust or what her boyfriend will do. It is about how she feels about it.

I

I agree with this. My ex fiancee worked in a male dominated work place (a car parts supplier) and some of the things the lads said to her made me feel particularly uncomfortable. Yes I trusted her 100% and know for a fact she never did anything, but that doesn't mean I wasn't uncomfortable with the way some of her colleagues looked at her and acted around her.

annandale

I'm afraid when you put a post up then people will call it as they see it.

She could always ask her bf not to see the woman again.

Problem solved. I personally feel that it's a shame women this woman's age automatically get branded cougars or bunny boilers for sending a few texts.

If she isn't happy then all she has to do is ask her bf to cut contact

Poor_Single_lady

Well if she was appropriate she wouldn't be branded anything.
I am a single woman, I have male friends attached and not attached.
There are ways to behave appropriately and there are phrases you use to let somebody know that you are interested in them. Use the right language, behave properly and nobody needs to feel uncomfortable.

Seanymph

The important, and only important thing really, is how your partner feels about it - and from what you have put he's either unnerved, or worried about her.

So, he needs to deal with it.

It isn't a trust thing because he's showed you, and is asking you for help on how to deal with her. And if there is any issue, it's clearly hers.

Now she may be someone with loose boundaries, who overshares or is over friendly, I sympathise with that But your boyfriend is clearly uncomfortable, so it needs addressing.

He can either cut it out - or tell her and set some boundaries. My guess is either way if she understood that she'd made him uncomfortable she'd be mortified.

But he is worried, so her agenda is irrelevant, what's important is that your partner has brought something to you because he is troubled. So therefore, it's troubling.

badmemory

I wonder how much of this is due to it being by text. Not all of us, especially when we haven't had mobiles in our youth, feel like we have communicated properly when texting. I often want to know what the next sentence is because it obviously isn't forthcoming. You can't tell a person's tone from a text. I frankly find it a most frustrating form of communication, email is so much better, but for avoidance of misunderstandings then phone or face to face.

GaleSF63

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Many people are just a lot more "needy" on their phones, ie send multiple banal texts as a matter of course; always having to have the last word. I personally wouldn't read too much into it.

badmemory wrote: »

I wonder how much of this is due to it being by text. Not all of us, especially when we haven't had mobiles in our youth, feel like we have communicated properly when texting. I often want to know what the next sentence is because it obviously isn't forthcoming. You can't tell a person's tone from a text. I frankly find it a most frustrating form of communication, email is so much better, but for avoidance of misunderstandings then phone or face to face.

I agree with both of the above. Some people don't seem to know how to end a text conversation. She's in her 50s - she comes from an era when telephone conversations were ended by a proper goodbye on both sides - a lot of people now just end the call after the last thing they say.

I don't know if this is the case here of course. Maybe she has an agenda. I'm just saying there could be an innocent explanation.