Massive relationship problems

happyandcontented

I am sorry it has come to this but from what you have posted you have really tried hard to get her help, to find a way through and she has resisted all those attempts. Now, she has given you an out. It will be for the best.

Use your week off to assemble all the things you need to move forward. All the relevant documents. Moving out need not mean cutting ties with your company. Address that issue in an unemotional way.

Try to put some financial safeguards in place. Tell your Accountant. Ring that old friend. Contact your family.

Stay posting on here for support and advice. Good luck, it won't be easy but next Chrismas will be better for you.

Blackpool_Saver

hentu wrote: »

Last night I hardly slept kept waking up covered in sweat. My heart feels like its going to explode out of my chest.

Meanwhile she is waltzing round the house like nothing is wrong and I am sat here in a state of confusion. I am sure she is enjoying it.

This is what abusers and financial controllers do. this is an offence now. You must see your GP and tell them all you have told us.
This won't end well, trust me I know x

BrassicWoman

hentu wrote: »

Things have been very cold the last few weeks and a few days ago she told me she wanted me to move out

1. GP for you to get yourself some support
2. Lawyer. You're entitled to stuff!

Fireflyaway

I'm sorry to hear of the struggles you have been through but actually getting to the point of no return does mean a new opportunity is on the horizon. Sometimes no matter how much you want something to change it just wont. You then have to either accept things or make that move.
The first part will be scary. 15 years of routine changing is not easy, neither is leaving behind someone you had hoped and dreams for. It is a loss. However there are endless possibilities ahead. You can live free of abuse and criticism. You can move house, change jobs, travel, meet new friends, volunteer, do sports, get a pet! So much stuff! I'd love you to come back in 6 months and share how you are doing.

hentu

I get what you are saying, but we are still going to have to work together. There will be no job change. This assumes she does not try and send the business under. She does not just do things on the off chance. I think she has been planning this a long time. I think she will have more trouble to bring down the road.

calleyw

hentu wrote: »

I get what you are saying, but we are still going to have to work together. There will be no job change. This assumes she does not try and send the business under. She does not just do things on the off chance. I think she has been planning this a long time. I think she will have more trouble to bring down the road.

I know you will have to work together but make sure you don't tell her what you are doing in your personal life.


You have to keep your professional life and private life separate. Not easy but only talk work at work and nothing else.


Its hard to do but you need to detach your self and treat her like you would any business partner or work colleague.


Don't let her make you feel bad. You are the one that would be letting her make you feel like this. Please don't let her have power over you any longer.



It's going to take longer and be harder to extract yourself. But you can do this. Would you be able to sell your half of the business to her and then walk away and start again?


Yours


Calley x

BrassicWoman

hentu wrote: »

I get what you are saying, but we are still going to have to work together. There will be no job change. This assumes she does not try and send the business under. She does not just do things on the off chance. I think she has been planning this a long time. I think she will have more trouble to bring down the road.

That's not true.


You can get a new job.


You just think it's true/a good idea right now.

Marvel1

hentu wrote: »

She says things like if I were to die in an accident she would not tell my family and have me cremated and never tell them. It really upsets me.

I got to this point and my reaction is = get divorced.

duchy

There are plenty of people who "lost everything" and rebuilt a happier life and even new careers.
Frankly all you had to look forward to was an early heart attack so either an early death or a marriage with a wife who certainly wouldn't have looked after you.

She doesn't want to get better .
Can you imagine going home to your own smaller place - coming home and relaxing? No more walking on eggshells just waiting for her to kick off again. Taking up new hobbies, making new friends or reconnecting with old ones? Spending time with family again? Even having a relationship you feel appreciated in.

Moneywise - even if the business goes under presumably you have equity in your home. You may not find work that brings in an income that brings you a new car every year or whatever "lifestyle" you fear losing but you will gain in other ways.

Abuse charities do as much work with people who have left as those still in abusive relationships , they understand its hard even after you've taken that first step. Talk to them get counselling to help you let go and move forward.

Take yourself off any joint accounts and get your own .

This week is the first week of the rest of your life, what do you want your future to be ?

I lived in a marriage that was a very financially comfortable cage but it wasn't until I walked away I realized what pressure I was living under .......and how much better I felt without that feeling of dread. I may never have as much spare cash again but I really am richer despite my war wounds !

gilett

She sounds awful. I would have left her to her toxic self loathing years ago.im not surprised her friends have all dropped her. What a horrible nasty person. Yuck.