Hiring the children's other parent as nanny

Red-Squirrel_2

Kenyatta wrote: »

My ex is good father.

No he isn't.

He isn't working so has plenty of time and you are struggling to afford childcare for his child who has what sounds like a fairly serious health condition.

A good father wouldn't think twice, they would just step up and take care of THEIR child.

This man wants to basically extort money from you to care for his child. That is not a good father.

Comms69

Christ I’m here hoping that my (very recently) ex doesn’t start acting like a so and so regarding contact!

It’s hard; though splitting was for the best! I’d pay to have my kids more!

DrivingMissDaisy

FBaby wrote: »

Think of the emotional damage that finding out that your non resident parent only agreed to care for if paid.

I'd rather go without any luxuries than being party to such disgusting parental bahaviour from the paid party.

Talk about an over reaction :eek:

DrivingMissDaisy

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

No he isn't.

He isn't working so has plenty of time and you are struggling to afford childcare for his child who has what sounds like a fairly serious health condition.

A good father wouldn't think twice, they would just step up and take care of THEIR child.

This man wants to basically extort money from you to care for his child. That is not a good father.

Seems like you know the OP ex inside out. To the OP, it looks like Red-Squirrel is your ex's new partner and has given her views on his parenting capability. Please don't listen to your gut feeling and follow Red-Squirrel's suggestion

marliepanda

DrivingMissDaisy wrote: »

Seems like you know the OP ex inside out. To the OP, it looks like Red-Squirrel is your ex's new partner and has given her views on his parenting capability. Please don't listen to your gut feeling and follow Red-Squirrel's suggestion

What...

Comms69

DrivingMissDaisy wrote: »

Seems like you know the OP ex inside out. To the OP, it looks like Red-Squirrel is your ex's new partner and has given her views on his parenting capability. Please don't listen to your gut feeling and follow Red-Squirrel's suggestion

Someone who charges to care for their own child deserves neither!!

kingfisherblue

I'm assuming that the health condition is diabetes. DLA is usually payable for a young child with this condition.


Another possibility is sharing a nanny. You could also use a childminder (possibly part time and nursery time?). They cannot charge extra unless an additional member of staff is needed, but this is unlikely for diabetes.

[Deleted User]

I've removed the first para now I've seen what your child's additional needs are, it doesn't apply anymore.

My ex just disappeared on the child care front completely once he got a girl friend (whose children were grown up and had left home and supposedly she didn't want children around). He had no sense of obligation whatsoever. It seems to me your ex is similar, and so I'd be worried what will happen during these hours when he is supposed to be looking after the children, and if he was just going to phone and say he couldn't take the kids today/this week/again.Can you guarantee he wouldn't keep on claiming benefits, not letting them know he's getting an income? That's another complication that will probably explode at some point. Why is he suddenly 'able' to take on child care commitments when he couldn't before (i.e. his gf said no previously). Could this lead to another custody case?

Its not a good situation to walk into. And very complicated as to whether he's an employee or self employed, particularly bearing in mind he's a parent and shouldn't require paying to look after the children.

I'd be doing anything I could to see if there is any way of making it financially possible to get childcare, as the child caring parent. The father shouldn't be claiming anything on the basis of being a single parent, if he isn't helping with childcare (or hasn't in the past). I know this is unfair, but I would advise going on the debt free board to see if there is any movement in finances. Could you move to reduce pressure on your finances - there are places just outside London which are much cheaper (I live in Kent with a high speed rail link, property is far less expensive as is childcare)? I realise this is a not an immediate change you could make but perhaps you could hold on whilst arranging this?

If your child has diabetes (which I have had since the age of four), any nursery or child care provider should be able to cope with that, as with other special dietary needs due to allergies etc. Blood sugars aren't the biggest faff in the world. It doesn't require enormous training, just common sense i.e. keeping an eye on what they are eating, blood sugars and exercise requirements, you can chart this (i.e. if blood sugar is x they should do y). Child care providers should be doing this for all children in their care anyway (monitoring eating/exercise). I assume you do the injections? If your job complicates medication regimes, I am very very sorry, but if you can't provide someone to do the injections now, you can't take the job. Sorry, but its just the way it is. Or you could seek advice from whoever is looking after your child's diabetic care to see if injection times can be changed without causing problems for your child. Maybe your children's father could spent half an hour a day supervising the injections (for free, as a part of his fatherly duties) to help you? There are optiions.

Re the father's employment situation.., I suspect he has to take any job he can get. Its got to give him more of an income than benefits. This does not include being paid for being his own child's nanny! Easier said than done, but still an valid point. He should be contributing to your costs. Again, I do realise this is easier said than done. Does he have a history of contributing whilst 'away' in other countries doing whatever job he does? If he did, hopefully he will find some kind of employment soon and be able to help.

Kenyatta

deannatrois

Thank you for the long reply. Another reason why I am considering this arrangement is that I want the oldest to be looked after by someone who is invested in her health, not just a third party. We had accidents before where she had lows/highs, due to non-observed consumption of something, like three portions of a birthday cake (it was not on the official nursery food chart, so they did not bother to record it). I had a private arrangement with a local retired nurse for the medication/emergency help while in daycare (if a need arose, my commute is over an hour), then I simply hired a nanny with an (overseas) paediatric nursing background, which proved both cheaper and better. But it obviously is a massive factor in my decisions.
My ex is totally irresponsible and I accepted the fact that I will never receive any financial support from him. He was on a six figure salary before, for over ten years, but used to spend it all within a week of his payday, and never on family / joint expenses. Just the way he is. Could never get any maintenance from him either after divorce - when abroad, the maintenance was offset against the cost of travel to see the kids. Now, three or so months out of his last job, he is already registered for food banks and stuff like that. I stopped being angry about it now, just resigned myself to the fact that my children have only one grown-up parent.
He's good with the children, though. In a fun uncle / Disneyland way, but still, engaging and warm. Awful co-parent, but a good parent, if this makes sense? Reliability can be an issue, and I would consider only a formal employee route.
Reopening of the custody case is unlikely to be an issue, he has been ordered to pay my costs twice so far due to groundless litigation / wasting court resources, so I don't think any further applications will be looked upon favourably.
Thanks for making me think.

ElefantEd

Do you really want someone "totally irresponsible" and unreliable to be looking after your child who has health issues?