Hiring the children's other parent as nanny

sheramber

As he would be working in your own home and you will be dictating his working hours etc then he would not be self employed. It is not a choice whether to be employed or self employed but based on fact.
https://www.gov.uk/employment-status/selfemployed-contractor


This covers nannies as well
https://www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law

Any income your ex gets from you could affect any benefits he is getting but if he only has the children every second weekend why is he claiming child benefit? You should be claiming that and child tax credits depending on your income.

You may also be entitled to help with child care.

Have you checked on a benefit calculator such https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou or https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

elsien

Do you want your ex in your house, with the lack of privacy that involves should he decide to go snooping?
Is your relationship good enough to be able to state how you want things done, and to query if it isn't, as you would with any other employee? What about the repercussions if you need to sack him?
You're the one who knows the relationship best and what's workable for you both. Just make sure you think through all the implications first.

Mojisola

Kenyatta wrote: »

We are divorced and there is a child arrangements order in my favour (ex is seeing them for a couple of hours every other weekend).

The arrangement order gives him very few hours of contact - was there any reason why it was felt he shouldn't have more contact with the child?

NBLondon

Have you seen Mrs Doubtfire?

fairy_lights

Kenyatta wrote: »

Well, marliepanda, it's a bit complicated. The other parent does not want a 50/50 "free" care arrangement, I certainly cannot force them to - they have a new life, new partner, and new responsibilities.

So your ex doesn't want to look after their OWN CHILDREN for free but will do it if you pay them enough?
Why are they prioritising their new life and partner over their existing children?
Poor kids.

marliepanda

fairy_lights wrote: »

So your ex doesn't want to look after their OWN CHILDREN for free but will do it if you pay them enough?
Why are they prioritising their new life and partner over their existing children?
Poor kids.

And considering OP currently pays 2.5k, and the parent will do it for a 20% reduction, theyre going to be paid £2000 to look after their own children!

I'm in the wrong job, clearly.

Red-Squirrel_2

Absolutely disgusting attitude from your ex.

Agree with FBaby that this would be a terrible thing for your child to ever find out.

There has to be a better option than this. Almost anything would be better!

kingfisherblue

So your oldest is three years old and has additional needs? Ok, in that case, you should be able to get at least fifteen hours free nursery for him. As he has health problems, it might increase to thirty hours - ask for information from your council. Your two year old might also get some free hours, but again check with your local council.



As far as I am aware, all three year olds get at least some free nursery. In households where a child has additional needs, there is often extra funding to ensure that the child (and sometimes siblings) have extra hours.



In addition, you could consider applying for DLA for your child if they qualify, and use some f this additional income towards nursery costs or childminder costs.



Lots of information here:
https://www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/choosing-childcare-for-disabled-children/


Personally, if you are paying £2500 a month for childcare, I would consider looking at what else is available. That seems a very high wage for an unqualified nanny. I certainly wouldn't pay my ex to look after the children for £2k a month!

sheramber

The OP didn't say her ex would do it for 20% off the cost of child care but 20% off the going rate for a nanny.

What is the going rate for a nanny? It has to be at least minimum rate as an employee.

Kenyatta

Thank you all, all opinions very appreciated.

£2.5K is below average for a nanny in London. £2.5K is the total cost to me as employer (including employer + employer NI, payroll, workplace pensions, accounting etc), the nanny gets around £1900 net. A nursery would be similar or a bit more expensive for two (even with 15 hours, which are not really 15 hours but more like 6-7 at the nursery's usual rate vs funding).

I am above the income cut off point for benefits or childcare allowances. It sounds posh, but in reality there is not much left after the mortgage, utilities and childcare are paid for, so £500/month will make a big difference (and plus I probably will be able to get something through the child support too). My oldest is not disabled, but needs attention at least twice a day (think blood sugar / insulin type of condition), both ex and me are trained to do this.

My ex is good father. We don't get along personally, but he is great with the children. He initially petitioned for the full custody, but then backed off as his new partner was not too keen on the idea. Then they went to live/work abroad, and he was flying in twice a month to have contact with the children (thus short contact hours). They have returned back to the UK now. I would prefer, of course, that he showed a bit more interest in spending time with the children independently of my situation or any incentives, but it is what it is. He's quite modern in his attitudes, I am much more traditional, but trying not to create any animosity because of this.

I obviously will not tell the children about the financial details of the agreement, I can see how this can potentially be soul destroying to an older child / teen. I hope to need the arrangement only until Christmas, when I (hopefully) will be able to quit my current job.

Good point about letting him into my personal space. I don't really have anything to hide, but yes it does feel weird.
Lol to Miss Doubtfire suggestion.:D