Martins 'Moral Dilemma' becomes real for me.....

MJay

Martin posed a question some months ago about whether someone should leave their money to their 'idle' child rather than their working child or treat them equally....

My parents always said we we're to be treated equally but my surviving parent has left 98% to my sister, using her weak willed husband and close friend as executors. I have only just found out after my parent finally lost the battle with cancer... I am heartbroken as it feels as though either I did not know my parent; they told me (and others) lies or they were bullied into making the new will.... I cannot even get a copy of the will to see what date it was changed..... They took all the paperwork and I am suspicious about monies that I think had been taken from a bank account prior to the death. More than anything else, I have been left feeling that I was unloved, unworthy and that all the many things I did out of love over recent years and right up to the death were just not good enough.... I struggle to make it through each day tormented by thoughts of 'what did I do wrong'

kittiej

Has the will gone through probate? If not place a caveat against the will until you are satisfied that it was compiled appropriately.

emjem_3

MJay - so sorry for your loss. Have no financial advice to offer, just (((((((hugs))))))) to give.

MJay

Thanks Kittie & emjem
No, not gone through probate and have no idea how to do what you suggest, Kit.... I am even struggling to get dressed right now. Any advice would be welcome.

NOVASTAR

MJay - I have no advice for you, but want to offer my sympathy to you and send you a big hug x

outrageous_monkey

(((((((((((MJay))))))))))) what a terrible time, grief is bad enough, but having to come to terms with what has happened, well, I feel for you.

Anyway, dont know if this is any use for you

There are a number of ways in which a will can become invalid. One of the most common, for example, is when the person making it fails to get their signature witnessed properly; wills also become invalid if they marry or register a civil partnership. Less common reasons include 'undue influence' and 'mental incapacity' - the accusations that someone made a will under duress or whislt they were incapable of understanding what they were doing. If you think that a will is invalid, you can lodge a 'caveat' at a Probate Registry to try and stop the letters of administration.

Just found that off google.

hobo28

Its not my area so I have no advice to offer but having seen so many people get upset by people's will I intend to spend everything I have and leave the world with nothing. I came into the world with nothing, why not go out with nothing?

That way my kids will have to learn not to rely on what I leave them. I know a lot of people who are waiting for their inheritence like its their god given right. I know of one couple who despite both earning salaries most of us can only dream about are mortgaged up to the hilt because once their parents die, their inheritence will wipe out their debts. Personally I find that attitude morally repugnant.

I hope my mum enjoy's her money and I certainly don't expect her to leave me a bean.

mountainofdebt

hobo28 wrote: »

Its not my area so I have no advice to offer but having seen so many people get upset by people's will I intend to spend everything I have and leave the world with nothing. I came into the world with nothing, why not go out with nothing?

That way my kids will have to learn not to rely on what I leave them. I know a lot of people who are waiting for their inheritence like its their god given right. I know of one couple who despite both earning salaries most of us can only dream about are mortgaged up to the hilt because once their parents die, their inheritence will wipe out their debts. Personally I find that attitude morally repugnant.

I hope my mum enjoy's her money and I certainly don't expect her to leave me a bean.

I think in fairness that this response is abit harsh - I think anyone who has been told that they would share an inheritance to find out that they have been effectively cut out of a will hurtfull.....I know I certainly would.

I read the post to be one of 'was my parent bullied into making the will' or 'did they always intend to cut me out of their will - and if so why ?' And they are having to deal with these emotions whilst also dealing with the emotions of losing a parent and effectively becoming an orphan......losing your last surviving parent is always much harder than losing one when the other survives (if that makes any sense)

As for the original OP then I don't know if you could contest the will - regardless of whether you would want to or could afford it....I guess relations with your sister are at an all time low which might make things strained at this already difficult time.

hobo28

Sorry but I think i've been misunderstood. I'm not suggesting OP is wrong in any way for feeling hurt. I know I would be in her shoes.

Thats why I meant that for ME, I don't intend to leave any significant cash to my kids and the same applies to my parents. I hope they enjoy their hard work.

I want my kids to expect nothing from me so they work hard rather than be like those I mentioned who are just waiting for their parents death so they can pay off their debts.

ceridwen

Sorry to hear your news.

I am no expert - but I think it would be worth getting a bit of legal advice - as I would have thought any beneficiary of a Will would be entitled to see the Will itself and details of the finances of the deceased. I would be asking a solicitor myself about that in your position.

Difficult for you to have to deal with this - on top of the grief you will be feeling anyway.. I can understand too why you would wonder if you had really known your parent as well as you thought you did and if they really cared for you - I think its worth investigating from that viewpoint as well, as hopefully they have really done a fairer division of that and you could be reassured that they did care for you after all as you had thought.

It is not just the money - but the principle of the thing - that your parent should treat you fairly in regard to any brothers/sisters you have. I know myself that even if there were only £100 to leave between me and my brother - that I would be upset if it hadnt been split 50/50 - even though £50 cash is total peanuts and hardly worth having.

I know I have been put in the position myself by my parents (both still alive) that my brother and his children between them are due to be left more than half of what my parents own (if my brother is still alive) - which puts me in the position where I will only be fairly treated if my brother is dead at the time. How on earth is that supposed to make someone feel towards their brother? - hardly a recipe for us to get on with each other thats for sure!

MJay

Thanks for all the supportive comments. I spent many years trying to encourage my aged ps to free up the money and enjoy their own wealth. They maintained that it was to benefit us all and they had no use for more material things. Me and mine kept the house maintained (at their request) and also put a number of significant things in to make life easier or better. Nothing we did then is begrudeged now. More than anything it is the fact that my sister did nothing but take from my parents for decades and caused them worry.... Always with a strong sense of justice, my surviving parent has gone against their own lifetimes ethos and caused so much anguish and soul searching...... I am left wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently..... It has shook my foundations and I am struggling to find anything to get out of bed for.......

Yes, half of 120K would have been a godsend and made my life as a disabled person much easier...... But pain of deception is a thousand times the monetry issue...... I have written so that others can hear the pain and think long and hard when deciding their own wills.....