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MeandO

We're not even back to school yet and I'm already feeling overwhelmed and like I'm trying to juggle everything.
I had another bad night's sleep last night so that's not helping. I don't ever seem to have good sleep these days though.

I have been working from home today as DS has an inset day and I don't have any more annual leave left and the ex declined to help out. It's been really busy, so I feel bad at having to leave DS to watch TV for most of the day so far but I can't do anything else. I am going to try and get us out for a few hours this afternoon, but I now have a Dr's appointment for DS this afternoon as the symptoms of a condition he's had since he was a baby have returned and we need referring back to the paediatrician.

DS wants me to play some 'let's pretend' type star wars game once I'm done with work. I can't say no as he's been so good and patient all day, but I feel awful in saying it's the last thing I feel like doing at the moment. he made a comment this morning that it's lonely just being me and him here after spending the week with his father and the girflriend's kids - all 3 of them plus associated cousins and two of DS's own cousing on his father's side that he sees when he's with him. (I won't have anything to do with the family after they were horrific to me during the amicable split that was the breakdown of mine and the ex's marriage - long story, but the ex fed them a load of lies about me that he later admitted when I found out. They made my life hell but obviously I cannot tell DS that at his age).
DS meant no harm by his 'lonely' comment, but I won't lie, it cut me deep.

To top it all, I'm feeling rough today. I have a bad throat and chest and am quite dizzy, I'm just preying it's not the return of the horrible pneumonia I had for months earlier this year.

My Mum is also fighting another infection.

I've had to refund another ebay sale and apologise today as I managed to stick the addresses on the wrong parcels - totally my own fault - and I've just wrapped another sale for postage.

Good news is, DS's uniform is ironed and ready for tomorrow, I just need to make his packed lunch tonight.
I've prepped some veg for his tea tonight so that I can get everything cooking quicly once we get back from the doctor's later. I think it's baths, bed and early nights for us both tonight.

[Deleted User]

Sorry to hear you're still having a tough time. I really do hope that things will look up for you soon, you so deserve it!

Honeysucklelou2

Hope you both feel better soon.

crazy_cat_lady

I'm so sorry to hear that you're so stressed out.
Sending you lots of love

MeandO

Thank you all xx

Unfortunately today’s not much better and i’m so close to tears at the way the ex is affecting my life at the moment. I had to see him today to give him some of the medication that DS is now back on. I was pleasant, civil and polite to him and tried to be chatty. However, his attitude towards me is disgusting and completely uncalled for considering everything I have ever done for him and everything he has done to me, all the lies, the cheating, the slanderous stories that have no truth in them that have made my life hell. I am so sick of him. He is being particularly sneaky and is up to something, I know him and I don’t like it.

It’s to cheer me up, today my two colleagues have been discussing and browsing their exotic holidays just gone and those they are booking for next year. I was shocked to find out that one colleague in the same job as me (but full time) paid £2600 for a week’s half board sun holiday for two adults and two kids. Is that normal?! I was dumbfounded. Maybe it is the average spend, but I was shocked. How on earth do people earning around £25k a year afford such things?
Maybe i’m Just behind the times or maybe i’ve no grasp on reality anymore.

DS is back on horrible meds. ☹️ He has been referred back to the paediatrician but, as we’re now living in a different area, won’t see the ones who have dealt with him since birth. I’m gutted. We have been warned of the long wait too.

I’m just sat waiting to pick DS up from school. Driving here from work, I was thinking what I actually have here. Obviously DS and OH and the means to earn a wage to pay for everything at the moment, albeit in a job I don’t enjoy with several people who aren’t very nice, but that’s it. My only friend is leaving the area and that really is my lot. I feel so stuck and so trapped. Is this really all life is going to be for me now? I just don't know how it went so wrong. ☹️

Honeysucklelou2

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such behaviour from your ex. My ex has been telling the children untruths about my family which has sadly affected the older children's relationship with my parents. However some of them are now working through that because they can see from my parents actions and loving and caring attitudes, that the slanderous stuff is wrong and slowly relations are improving. Is there someone who you both know who could pass on medication so that you don't have to have contact? It is hard when you have to feel on your guard all the time... thinking of you.

MeandO

Thank you HSL2 and i’m so sorry to hear that your ex has done similar to your family, it is just so heartless. I’m glad to hear your children are seeing the truth themselves now.

I was really quite upset when I wrote that last post, sat in my car waiting for school to finish and choking back the tears. I briefly saw my friend on the school pick up and talking to her was a bit of a relief. She knows exactly what is going on and has been through similar issues herself so we do understand how the other is feeling.
However, DS completely cheered me up and turned my day around no end since coming home from school. We have played together, laughed together and just sat snuggled up together on the cuddle chair I have in the lounge. He is such good company and has been so funny this evening. He is my best friend. ❤️
The world didn’t seem so bad once I had DS back today.

I have told myself that I need to try and ignore the ex’s behaviour from now on and just have as minimal contact as possible. I shall remain civil and polite to him for my son’s sake, but that is it. I do not want DS growing up with a toxic environment between his parents, so, for his sake, I will endeavour to not let the ex get to me as much as he does. However, I have protected the ex somewhat since we split and not told significant people in his life the things he put me through and the lies he told about me, mostly for DS’s sake. This will be changing and, if and when the issues arrive, I will be truthful about the hurt he has caused. I have no idea why I have covered for him thus far.

Back to the finances...
I’m doing well so far this month and have not spent much at all, especially on the grocery budget. I have promised DS I will buy him a new pencil case this week as his father has managed to lose his last one I bought plus the contents, in his house move. Or rather it’s ‘in storage’, which translates to DS will not see it and lots of the rest of his belongings until he has probably outgrown most of it. :mad:
He will have everything he needs here, I will make sure of it.
Anyway, DS has chosen one for around £5 which I will order tomorrow. The general spending budget will cover it.

I am pleased to be working from home tomorrow. The general mood and moaning about the workplace did not help today. It will be nice to have a bit of peace to get on with some work.

Off to sleep now, hopefully tomorrow’s a better day.
Goodnight x

MeandO

DS has managed to take his medication a bit more succesfully today so I hope it kicks in and gives him some relief from his horribe symptoms soon. He is really suffering at the moment, but is such a little trooper and never moans or complains. I do love him so.

I ran into my old next door neighbour this morning when dropping DS at school as I have to walk past my old house to the school gate. Was lovely to catch up with her but made me yearn for that old house and the company of lovely neighbours more than I already was.

The ex is coming over after work to collect uniform for DS for the days he has him. I managed to keep communication civil this morning with him, will try and keep things upbeat for DS's sake tonight and so that it doesn't bring me down again.

Last night I bought some gifts for DS for Christmas and one for OH whilst ordering DS's new pencil case on Amazon. I spent around £100 which has come out of the gifts pot, but got quite a lot for my money and made it so that I didn't pay any postage.

Today I'm going to look into sourcing a storage unit for the only real cupboard I have in this house. At the moment, everything is shoved in it on the landing, but I need some shelves to get more in there and organise it better so that I can start freeing up the unpacked boxes still sitting in the smallest spare room and turning that room into something we can actually use.
Hopefully I can get something cheap or even try and utilise one of the storage shelves I have in the garage that I am not really using yet. If they're the right size I'll consider it a win! Will measure up later.

I've started another bag for the charity shop and have also listed on emore item on ebay this morning. It will only make around £5 if it sells, but it's better than nothing.

Have a good day all. x

MeandO

The shelving unit doesn't fit unfortunately, so I'll have to try and make one I think. My Dad has lots of spare wood he offered me last time I was there so I'll take him up on the offer next time and make some shelves.

I've cooked a big pan of mince with veg & sauce to be portioned and used in various meals for DS. He is not good with eating fruit and veg, so I have packed loads of veg in, cut minutely.

I'm tired today. I didn't sleep very well thanks to a cough most of the night and it's catching up with me already. Must have a coffee shortly and try and keep going.

My door has been fixed this morning by the manufacturer. I also asked the guy's advice on painting the door and he gave some positive advice so that's something I may try in the not to distant future. It's a horrible dirty white colour at the moment, thanks to the building site.

Off to hunt down coffee...

MeandO

Monday already. This weekend seemed to go in a flash, I hardly feel like I've left work and it's already Monday.

We made the most of free entry to some local historical sites this weekend and visited a couple of castles over both days, taking a picnic and plenty of drinks so it cost us nought.
DS was with his Dad yesterday so OH and I went out and picked 3lbs of blackberries. They're currently soaking and then will be used to make crumble, cake and the rest frozen.

The child benefit has been paid so I've topped up a couple of pots in the budget and sent an overpayment of £21.50 to the mortgage to round it dwn. It now stands at £103,500. :eek: That's £3500 paid off in 6 months though. :T

I've withdrawn £250 from my savings to pay for two chest of drawers needed in DS's room - one has been broken for the best part of two years, we now need a second as his school uniform is currently kept in the small spare room on the ironing board - two more shelves for DS's room and a large shelving/storage thing for the landing cupboard. It will come to around £230 with delivery from IKEA, any surplus will be paid off the mortgage or used to top up the gift account.

Mum has not been good over the weekend and there have been another few trips in and out of hospital. The worry gets overwhelming at times.

I've been eaten alive by insects too and have around 15 bites up and down my legs which have swelled up to big round blotches, so am on the anti-histamines. I've had a cold and a bad stomach too, must be the usual back-to-school everyone sharing germs, time of year.

I need to look up some more 'hidden beg' recipes which DS will eat. I'm wary that he seems to be eaten a limited variety of dishes and really want to expand the meals I cook for him. Trouble is, if he's not sure or won't try it, he'd rather not eat.

The tiredness is winning today, I need to go grab a coffee and hope for the best. x