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MeandO

Thank you Sayschezza. I do love older houses and love the space I have in this one, but I think I've been put off for life now! It will take a lot for me to ever buy an old property again after being stung so badly on this one. I guess home is what we make it eh? x

MeandO

I'm not feeling too good today. It sounds like more horrible news is coming our way about my wonderful Mum. 'Something' has been found in recent exploratory tests and her doctor has said it's not good. They've ruled out the minor issues and it's all pointing to the worst. Further explorations are booked in, more horrible procedures for her to go through for probably not a very good outcome. I doubt much can be done about it; she is very weak, has horrendous other problems meaning an anaesthetic or operation is out of the question and she can't endure much more. I'm on the edge of holding it all together today.

I also had bad dreams about DS and Christmas and woke up feeling so anxious and panicky. I used to love Christmas, but it's very difficult now I'm divorced, live away from my family and DS's Dad will rarely compromise on plans which makes things even more stressful. The past few years I haven't seen DS past Christmas lunchtime and have spent some of it on my own, whereas his Dad has spent the whole day with him every year as I've tolerated the exH in the morning for DS's sake, but I don't think that's plausible this year. I really want to take DS home to my family for Christmas, especially now, but his Dad will be kicking up about that I'm sure. My parents are not well enough to travel, so they can't come up to us.

Goodness, life was never meant to be like this.

Honeysucklelou2

So sorry to read about your mum...it must be so hard for all of you. Hoping that your ex will show compassion and understanding about Christmas.

MeandO

Thank you HSL2 xx

Yesterday was not a good day. There were tense emails between myself and exH who continued to be his usual self-centred self about everything. I've decided DS and I will go down to my parents in between Christmas & New Year and have a second Christmas with them and the rest of the family. Mum and Dad seemed pleased with that idea too.

OH turned my day around for me yesterday. He has really looked after me lately and has been doing things to make life easier for me.
I feel bad I haven't been the most fun Mum for DS lately. I feel so tired and am dealing with so much that I feel like we haven't had much fun together lately. We have an overnight trip booked to a Christmas event in a few weeks, just the two of us, which we're looking forward to. It was paid for long ago, but I do need to cover meals which will come out of next month's salary. Other than that, I need to get some Christmassy activities planned for us. We've talked of making a themed Christmas cake together and making it an annual tradition which DS liked the idea of.

crazy_cat_lady

Don't worry about fun mum. He will be fine with a mum that loves him.
So sorry to read that things are still quite rubbish.

GlendaSugarbean

I'm sure your DS will love having a double Christmas - plus you don't need to rush time with your parents. Best wishes to your mum.

MeandO

Thank you CCL & GlendaSugarbean. I'm finding everything a bit much to deal with at the moment tbh. The anxiety levels are rising and my anxiety about the future is surfacing again.

ExH decided to kick me whilst I was down yesterday too by smugly announcing how amazing his future is now looking as he's selling his house and moving in with his girlfriend, combining houses to some high spec, 5 bed place. He chose a moment whilst I was knee deep in paint, filler and working on the house, obviously stressed and upset, to tell me whilst making himself coffee from my kitchen.

He just wanted to gloat and seems to enjoy the thought that he is getting one up on me all the time. He doesn't seem to understand that I really couldn't care less what he does anymore, my only concern is the knock on effect his actions and decisions have on DS who will inevitably be losing out again as DS already tells me he feels his Dad listens to the gf and her kids more than DS and treats them differently and more favourably than him. I wish the ex could lose the arrogance and see how he's making his son feel, but he won't. I've tried to explain to him but he won't listen. DS will also be moving into another family's house and won't have a room of his own for some time. I feel so sad for him. I hope it all turns out ok for his sake.

I need to find some things for myself and DS to look forward to without costing too much money. Keep our minds on something positive.

MeandO

I've definitely got that Monday morning feeling today.

I had a nice weekend, but haven't seen DS since a fleeting five minutes on Friday, so am missing him like mad. I did have a lovely weekend with OH though but suddenly felt really down yesterday and couldn't really put my finger on the reason why. I just felt really sad for most of the day. I think it's a combination of everything - My Mum being so poorly, DS moving in with his Dad and girlfriend, Christmas Day not being an event to look forward to due to no family here and leaving my lovely house and moving to somewhere I don't really want to be. *sigh*.

Despite the miseries, I managed to get an essential DIY job done and finish some others I'd already started. I think I've now pretty much done everything I need to do to the house before leaving, other than packing and giving it a good clean through.

I've spent a fair bit of money this weekend, but have now pretty much finished the Christmas shopping, other than gifts for my sister and her partner as I have no idea what to buy them. I may start wrapping some Christmas stuff soon, just to get that job out of the way. OH and I bought a LOAD of wrapping paper, tags and gift bags last year after Christmas so we have plenty probably for the next two or three years!

I also bought some groceries, so we shouldn't need any more spends this week, other than maybe some eggs which I forgot to buy.

I have had lots of craft orders in over the weekend which will help to boost the savings account a little bit. I need to start making those tonight, ready to post.
I am thankful that I should now have enough money to cover the cost of a removal company thanks to adding bits of money into the savings pot from the crafts. I know the removals cost a lot, but it's totally worth it. I need to look at getting a quote from them shortly.

I've chased the mortgage surveyor today as they seemed to have gone awol. It should all be done next week now.

I'm hoping I'll feel better and more positive about everything once the move has happened. I'm finding it all really hard at the moment.

MeandO

I'm still determined to reach my £1800 overpayment target for the mortgage this year, so have just sent £38.49 to the mortgage to round it down. I only have around £91 to find by the end of December to hit the £1800, £50.31 of which will automatically come out of the account in December's mortgage payment, so only £40 to find.

MeandO

Another £100 added to the moving fund today which brings it up to £1250.