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Honeysucklelou2

So sorry to read about the house problems MeandO. Presumably whoever did the historical repairs will have some kind of public liability insurance. Is that company still in business? Is it worth persuing ?

MeandO

We have no idea who did the alterations, it's likely to be a few owners back and they have probably done it themselves - removing a load bearing wall and not putting in adequate support, so no way of claiming from anyone unfortunately.

I had a full survey done prior to purchase which didn't highlight any of these issues. However, it included caveats - a common practice to cover themselves ie. houses of this age may experience this or that... and it should be checked by a specialist etc etc.
However, the builders and current surveyor have all said that the particular problem with the house was so bad that it has obviously been going on for at least ten years, so signs would have been evident and should have been picked up. Also, the new issue with the lack of support has been discovered by other symptoms in the floors above which were there when I moved in, but were not so bad. I asked the surveyor at the time to look at these in detail during the house survey as I was concerned it could be a sign of something else, but no issues were highlighted.
The surveyor I'm dealing with presently has told me to make a complaint, although it is highly unlikely to get anywhere, but I will be doing so anyway. I also have downloaded pictures from google street view from 2011 which do show a hint of issues with the house then, although the photos are not particularly clear.

It all came to a head yesterday. I broke down on the phone to my parents, crying uncontrollably and unable to get my words out. DS heard me crying and came running to me, hugged me and was upset and worried himself. I think he thought something had happened to his beloved Nanny.
I feels so awful about everything. I feel like I have let DS down by moving him from a lovely, safe house to this and let my parents down again by them picking up the financial pieces for me and giving them so much more stress and worry that they certainly do not need.

OH came over later, I cooked him food, he was offish with me from the start and to cut a long story short, he ended up shouting at me, accusing me of being negative and walking out on me, slamming the door and telling me he 'can't cope with this doom and gloom at the moment.'

I didn't even cry and I wasn't particularly upset. I was angry and absolutely flabbergasted. After I've supported him through his own hell for 2.5 years, which has brought me down no end whilst dealing with my own issues, I have one day of being upset and down for what I believe is good reason and he walks out on me telling me I'm bringing him down...

MeandO

Oh, and throughout all this, I sold something for £5, the lady came to collect it, so there's an extra fiver added to the pot.

System

Oh god hun... firstly your OH needs to learn what being a supportive partner means! You have every right to feel down at the moment, and he should be more caring instead of shouting & slamming the door! My inbox is always open if you need a good old rant... we can put the world to rights over a virtual glass of wine!!! :beer:

You haven’t let your DS down at all. Life likes to throw horrible things at us sometimes and at least this will help prepare him for adulthood! Owning a house can be an absolute nightmare. You’ll get through it though. Sending hugs

Chrystal

First and foremost you haven't let DS down. It's you who has been let down by poor surveys and someone who should have had your back. Definitely put in a complaint, I'm sure there must be a professional body of surveyers? Was it the mortgage lender surveyer, and if so is there any claim through the mortgage - maybe help with the repairs?
Secondly maybe you need to have a long hard think about whether the person you have supported for the last few years is the person for you. Looking at it from the outside it seems as though he needs a one way street ie it's only him who gets support. Do you want your son to have this man as a role model? I think you deserve better.
Don't feel bad about letting your parents know. As a parent of adult children I can safely say that the majority of parents with a 'child' in your position would much rather be in the loop and able to help where possible. Imagine if your son was in real bother and didn't/wouldn't tell you. How do you think that would make you feel? The saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' was coined for a reason. What people forget is that parents generally have a lot more life experience than their kids and can even sometimes know solutions
Take a deep breath and give yourself time to take everything in - it's all been an enormous shock to you, but it WILL get sorted. ((hugs))

Hillwalker11

I really feel for you. The responsibility you have had to shoulder alone is immense. This isn't just a small decorating issue it is a huge structural issue. You did everything right by having a full survey and as you say surveyors always cover themselves.
Children are very resilient and as your son grows up he will somehow understand that you have always put him first. Believe me he will just know
that you have always been there for him whatever other rubbish is going on.
Keep your parents in the loop, as someone else said they have had a lot of life experience and will want to be able to support you in this.
There are no words for your OH, he hasn't supported you when you need him.End of.
Can you claim on your house insurance for these structural repairs, it does sound like a huge job.
I do hope you begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Sayschezza

Massive hugs. You have always put your ds first. Time to put yourself a close second.xx

crazy_cat_lady

Of course you haven't let your son down.
Simple fact is that you didn't know that these problems existed when you bought the house - and the people you trusted to check that the property was structurally sound let you down.
If your parents are anything like mine then they'll only want to be there for you, and want to help you out as much as they can.
As for your OH, I really hope he's realised what a pr*** he's been. :mad:

Honeysucklelou2

Slamming the door when he knows there are structural issues :eek:

The fact you asked the surveyor to look at this particular issue because you were concerned makes you wonder whether he/she actually did. I would have thought it's worth putting in a complaint. Does buildings insurance cover anything?

So sorry that you are having stress upon stress....thinking of you.

MeandO

Thank you all for you kindness and support, I am so ever grateful.

Unfortunately the brown stuff well and truly hit the fan yesterday and I was called from work with further bad news that has forced me to now make the horrible, heartbreaking decision to sell the house with its defects. I have no other option.

I have meetings with agents, surveyors and mortgage advisors today.

I have had no sleep at all, haven't been able to eat since yesterday lunchtime and spent the night being sick, with chest pains and a racing heart. I thought my time was up in the middle of the night.

The thought of having to tell DS we have to leave the house he adores and will be moving to a much smaller place is killing me too.

I don't know when I'll be back here, hopefully when I have some good news. Thank you all for your kindness xx