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Mrs_Money_Penny

So sorry to hear about your Mum. 
Anxiety and stress can cause upset stomach’s I used to suffer from that when I worked in my last job.
I hope things get better for you. You so deserve some good luck. Hope the neighbours help out with the repairs. Sending a hugxx 

enthusiasticsaver

I am so sorry about your mum and hope they can do something for her.  Unsurprising your anxiety is through the roof with all you have had to cope with.  Good that you managed to sell the log burner though. 

badmemory

I'm sure your OH is right about your stomach.  Anxiety gets your stomach acid working overtime & stress means you tend to not want to spend time cooking so just eat something, anything or maybe even worse nothing, whatever is easy, a bad mix of "stuff".

Honeysucklelou2

So sorry to read about your mum...hope the doctors are able to do something to tackle the pain.

Thinking of you...

MeandO

Thank you all for your kindness, unfortunately they've said there's nothing they can do except wait and hope it heals. My poor Mum is suffering so much more than she does even on a normal day with her conditions, it's heartbreaking.

Most of the direct debits have come out today, including the mortgage. I've overpaid an extra £25.33 to take it down to £96,600 exactly. Eight more days until I can apply for the re-mortgage. 

I am now in the midst of the annual dreaded Christmas negotiations with the ex. I already had to have words with the ex a month or so after the ex's GF started the emotional blackmail and bribery on DS about Christmas. DS was at theirs last Christmas eve/Christmas day and so should be with me this year, but he has other children over there which obviously adds to the excitement for him. I will speak to DS tonight and if he wants to go there again for Christmas Eve then he can. It's not about me after all. it breaks my heart and the tears are coming thick and fast just thinking about losing another year without him at Christmas eve/morning, but I want what's best for DS and to make him happy. His father is the selfish one, not me. We live too far away to be with my family unless we go there for several days and that means DS doesn't see his father at Christmas at all and tbh, it's not the most festive atmosphere at my parent's house for obvious reasons - they're both too poorly to do much. 
OH is also not a Christmas lover and is normally pretty miserable at Christmas, so all in all it's no wonder I hate Christmas so much these days.

MeandO

So DS is going to his Dad's for Christmas again, late Christmas eve until after lunch on Christmas day.   I cried lots yesterday, but am doing what's best for my son, so keep telling myself that.
At least I don't need to bother making a Christmas dinner again this year, I find that the most upsetting experience - making Christmas dinner for the two of us (three if OH has decided to participate) and sitting and eating it just the two of us. As a child and right up to pre-divorce I always had big family Christmas and there was never less than 6 or 7 of us around the table. It always hits home when it's just me and DS. I know he feels it too. 
I'm just going to try and make the most of things as best I can.

Another positive - the main work on our house was finished yesterday and it looks lovely. I'm really pleased with it. I'm hoping the scaffolding will be down for Christmas and everything will be done.

I started the above this morning and was interrupted by a knock on the door and my lovely friend popped by. We were neighbours in the house I had to move from due to all of the issues there and I haven't seen her for ages. We were really close at one time but I've just retreated back into myself lately. It was SO nice to see her and have a laugh, a cry and a cuppa with someone. She has a similar situation with her children and an ex, so we talked about Christmas and all sorts and now the world feels like a bit of a better place. I definitely need to force myself out more.

enthusiasticsaver

I think you are doing the right thing in not emotionally blackmailing your son to spend Christmas with you and remind yourself that it is not you he is rejecting.  Most kids would opt for a day with lots going on so understandable he wants to spend time with his  half siblings at your Exes.  Make sure that you indulge yourself on Christmas day with some nice (easy to prepare) food and drink and a chilled day reading, listening to music, going for a walk or watching TV.  You can celebrate with your DS on Christmas Eve before he goes to his dad and in the afternoon/evening of Christmas day.  

Good you had a nice catch up with your old neighbour.  Your poor mum sounds like she has been through the mill this year with her health. 

MeandO

enthusiasticsaver said:

I think you are doing the right thing in not emotionally blackmailing your son to spend Christmas with you and remind yourself that it is not you he is rejecting.  Most kids would opt for a day with lots going on so understandable he wants to spend time with his  half siblings at your Exes.  Make sure that you indulge yourself on Christmas day with some nice (easy to prepare) food and drink and a chilled day reading, listening to music, going for a walk or watching TV.  You can celebrate with your DS on Christmas Eve before he goes to his dad and in the afternoon/evening of Christmas day.  

Good you had a nice catch up with your old neighbour.  Your poor mum sounds like she has been through the mill this year with her health. 

Thanks Enthusiasticsaver. DS has enough emotional blackmail from his father and it's not something I would ever do to him, and I have always said that it doesn't matter which parent's house he is at and when, as long as he is happy and looked after. I hope when he is older he will understand and recognise the sacrifices I made for him rather than go down the same route as his father and only be interested in himself. The children at his father's are not his half-siblings, but the girlfriend's kids and before they were on the scene he often didn't want to go to his Dad's house. He certainly wouldn't have wanted to 'do' Christmas there either. He gets on well with the children though and i think it is a positive thing that they are in his life. I know he will have fun and enjoy. He has said he wants to be with me too, but I have reassured him we will have a lovely time once he is back. I don't want him to feel like he is being made to choose between us or that he is hurting either parent. 

This afternoon, I have put two shelves up in my bathroom which has given us some more much-needed storage. Although the bathroom has been renovated recently, I didn't plan it too well with regards to storage, so these will help and look lovely. 

CRANKY40

I'd move your Christmas day one day forward on the calendar then. It's just a date after all. When my late husband worked away sometimes he was home and sometimes he wasn't so we had Christmas as close as possible if we could. Don't give ds his presents Christmas day - he'll be tired anyway when he gets home. Tell him that he's one of the lucky ones that gets to have two lots of Christmas. That way you get to snuggle up in pjs in the evening and watch a Christmas film, watch him open presents in the morning and maybe go out on a limb and cook your favourite meal instead of a roast dinner or maybe do a buffet which would do lunch and dinner?

I miss the big family Christmas thing too - I would never have thought growing up that my son wouldn't even know some of the children of my cousins. I don't miss it enough to suggest that I host it though 🤣

badmemory

Families are funny things.  At least your son won't turn round to you in 20 years & say that he wouldn't recognise his father if he saw him on the street.  Thankfully my conscience is actually clear although I do feel guilty about it.  But what can you do, you can't force a man to see his child.  Every few months I used to do a 400 mile round trip just so he could see his grandfather.  At least I managed to leave it to my son to figure out the ins & outs & stopped my parents from telling him some truths about his father.  Biting your tongue can be a good thing, just a bit painful!