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MeandO

Thank you HSL2, Mrs_Money_Penny and badmemory.
It's not that DS says he hates living with me or is badly behaved, it's the sudden phase of idolising his father and gf which I'm finding really difficult and the utter carp that he is led to believe by them. DS is a caring and sensitive child who always asks me if I'm ok and tells me how much he loves me 100 times a day, but it's the manipulation, guilt-trip games his father plays on him and the constant lies he tells him that concerns me. He is at an age where he seems to be very much being sucked in by this at the moment and it is having a detrimental effect on our relationship and changing his attitude towards things. As Drawingaline said a few posts back, I am trying to look at it as an age thing, but it is difficult and my heart feels like it breaks daily at the moment.
Anyway, yesterday was a better day and tomorrow I have planned an activity out for the two of us (even though I really can't afford it atm  ) so hopefully we will have a lovely weekend and I'll feel better about things.

The major works on the house should be nearly completed next week, weather dependent. I can't wait. 

My neighbour confirmed they won't be contributing to the cost of roof repairs. I expected no less. The roofer is keen to get on with this asap which is fine by me. The money should hit my account from the PB's soon so at least I'll be able to pay for it. 

I'm still a way off finishing my Christmas shopping so need to crack on with that. Not entirely sure how to fund it at the moment though. 

capuchin

When I was 8, I had a really nasty car accident on the way to the school fair with my mum. Flew around 50 feet and landed on my head. (spent 16 weeks in hospital but that's another story) - The paramedics managed to get me conscious for a few moments and asked who I wanted in the ambulance with me. I said my dad as he seemed strong and invincible. That hurt my poor amazing mum beyond recognition. She was everything to us whilst that waster was just abusive to everybody. And I broke her heart lying half dead on the ground.

25 years later, none of us are in contact with him. He got no invite to the weddings or other events. We all totally adore our mummy who we visit as much as we can, when we're not sending her on cruises and other outings. We eventually realised she is our rock.

Your DS might not realise it now, or even in a year, but eventually he'll grow up, and he'll know how amazing you are. And he will remember the times he betrayed you in his mind, even if he was just a kid. He'll realise the manipulation and grow from it. And he'll remember every good thing you did.

I know it's really hard now, but please don't be disheartened. Mums are the most important thing in the world, and your DS will realise it sooner or later.

Honeysucklelou2

@capuchin Your Post has given me hope, thank you for sharing your experience. 

MeandO

capuchin said:

When I was 8, I had a really nasty car accident on the way to the school fair with my mum. Flew around 50 feet and landed on my head. (spent 16 weeks in hospital but that's another story) - The paramedics managed to get me conscious for a few moments and asked who I wanted in the ambulance with me. I said my dad as he seemed strong and invincible. That hurt my poor amazing mum beyond recognition. She was everything to us whilst that waster was just abusive to everybody. And I broke her heart lying half dead on the ground.

25 years later, none of us are in contact with him. He got no invite to the weddings or other events. We all totally adore our mummy who we visit as much as we can, when we're not sending her on cruises and other outings. We eventually realised she is our rock.

Your DS might not realise it now, or even in a year, but eventually he'll grow up, and he'll know how amazing you are. And he will remember the times he betrayed you in his mind, even if he was just a kid. He'll realise the manipulation and grow from it. And he'll remember every good thing you did.

I know it's really hard now, but please don't be disheartened. Mums are the most important thing in the world, and your DS will realise it sooner or later.

Thank you so much for posting capuchin. Whilst I'm so sorry to hear of your past experience, it has really helped to hear this from your point of view as the 'child' in the situation. You sound like a lovely family. 

MeandO

Hello everyone, hope your Monday is going ok.

DS and I had a nice weekend together and I feel like we really needed it. I can't wait to see him after school today, we are going to do some artwork together that he enjoys doing. Unfortunately the weekend cost more than I would have liked to spend with a trip to a local activity place and lunch out, plus a bit of shopping on the way home. It's sad that one day out like this to a 'leisure location' costs so much money. We have plenty of free activities locally, but most are weather dependent.

Talking of money, I have made the decision to get rid of the lovely log burner that is in this house. I have never used it and it is not needed for heat as I now have a warm house, but would only be lit for atmosphere and novelty at Christmas time. I also don't have anywhere to store wood and could do without the hassle of cleaning it out etc plus, never having had any experience of a stove, it scares me to use it a little if I'm being honest. It also means I can save £800 on the price of the roof repairs as the chimney flue and associated works are not needed. I have advertised the stove and have had two offers of £550, so on the whole I will be be £1350 better off - something I can't afford to turn down at the moment. I know it's a shame, but it's not financially feasible to keep it for use only a couple of times a year presently.  I will look at what to put in there to replace it with as it is a large imposing fireplace in quite a small room. I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision, but I can't afford to keep it at the moment.

I've paid off the credit card bill this morning with some of the PB money that has hit my account, so feel better that is cleared.

I think the roofing work is to be started tomorrow. I will be SO glad when everything is done.

MeandO

The roofing work has been completed today and my bank account is £2300 worse off. I'm praying next door will still agree to paying their half soon. Yesterday was a stressful day. 
The other builders have asked me for £5K of the work completed so far, so that has been withdrawn from the PB account. My savings will all be gone soon. I just hope the bank will lend me more next month to cover everything else.

MeandO

What a week it's been. 

DS wasn't selected for a sporting team he tried out for and he has taken it very hard. Not because he really was that fussed about participating in the team, but he thinks he's let his father down as his Dad is very passionate about the sport and has put a lot of pressure on DS to play and like this activity too. This has now escalated in DS's mind and he broke down the other night and basically said he hates himself, he's a failure, he has no confidence, he's rubbish at everything and has no friends. None of this is true, he has lots of really nice friends too. I had similar with him last night saying he's fat (he's absolutely not) and that's why he didn't succeed in the sport. He's now taken to running around the house in attempt to 'get faster.'
It's broken my heart to see him like this and hear the things he's said about himself. I sat and talked to him for two hours the first night and then I was physically shaking once he'd gone to bed. I feel sick. 
I contacted his father and explained what's going on, but, to be honest, he can't see past his own nose and chose to state that the sports selection process was flawed and speed shouldn't have come into it. He just doesn't get it.

I have contacted DS's teacher to ask if she has noticed any change in his behaviour, explained what's been going on and asked for recommendations to get DS some help, but have not received a reply to date. She replied to an email from two weeks ago instead about a bump to the head DS had. 

The worry and anxiety I have inside me for DS is now at an all time high. I am struggling to sleep and cant concentrate on anything. I am so worried about him.

My Mum had another fall this week and was taken to hospital overnight. She is in quite a bad way, but there's nothing much they can do to help her as she is already on the list for surgery. They are not confident she will survive the surgery, but she can't go on as she is without it. 

OH is not well now either.

I haven't slept properly all week and last night I was woken up by our smoke alarm going off about an hour after I had dropped off, it then stopped by itself. I flew out of bed so fast and checked the house, but couldn't find any reason for it to go off, thankfully. DS slept right through it, despite it being right outside our bedroom doors, that's how exhausted he is at the moment.
I couldn't get back to sleep then and started physically shaking and feeling sick. I think it was the shock of waking up so quickly. I had to lie there with the light on for a couple of hours as I was feeling so frightened and was worried it would go off again.
I'm going to hoover all the smoke alarm sensors today, just in case it was dust or something.

Hopefully I have sold the multi fuel stove that has now been removed - OH and I did it last weekend - not a pleasant or easy job. 
I have been messed around by a few people over it already so I will be glad to see the back of it now. I have sold it for £520 - it's worth more, but I'll be glad to get that for it at the moment and get it out of the way. Not sure what I'm going to replace it with yet, but am going to concentrate on trying to restore and clean the fireplace first as the bricks are black presently after nearly 100 years of use and with very little cleaning by the looks of it.

The roof has been paid for, I've yet to get anything back from the neighbour, hopefully they will still contribute half at some point.
I have paid £5K to the builders for work done so far, another £6,600 to pay upon completion. I have enough to cover it, but it will mean losing out on £100 of the Help to Save bonus as I will need to withdraw that money early, so I'm hoping they won't want their money until after I've managed to apply to borrow extra on the mortgage - that's if the bank will lend me more. I can apply on 9th December - it's even on my calendar.

I'm nearly done with Christmas gifts now too. I'm going to have to have 'the Santa chat' with DS before Christmas which I'm dreading, especially now he's already down. Truth is, he is old enough now to know (comp next year) and I really can't afford to buy lots of gifts from 'Santa' too as I have done for him in the past. Anyone have any tips on how to broach that subject? I would really appreciate the help...

badmemory

I'm pretty sure your DS already knows about santa.  It's a kid thing. the longer they pretend, the longer they get more treaty stuff.  I used to make it clear that the presents santa left had been bought by family but if he wasn't good then some of them would go to children whose family couldn't afford to send presents to santa & some of them would go to others anyway.  There are a lot of kids who won't be getting much this christmas the way things are, so maybe you could use that.

enthusiasticsaver

You have been so unlucky with houses but good that roof is sorted. Well done on having the savings to sort it out. Try not to worry too much about your DS. If he goes to the comp next year presumably he is around 10 so tricky time for him. Both my DDs went through pre teen angst and as adults they look back and wonder why. My eldest wasn’t told about Santa  until year 6 as she had a younger sibling but I thought she should be told before secondary to avoid being teased as still believing even when at big school. She did say she already knew or suspected so your son may be the same. I would include it in a wider conversation about him growing up and needing to know these things so he not open to being made fun of by his peers. 

MeandO

Thanks for the tips badmemory and enthusiasticsaver. I still haven't broached it with DS yet, can't face it presently, there's way too much other upset to deal with presently.

My Mum has broken her back.  Operating is out of the question so we just have to wait to see what they can do for her, if anything. She is in agony, it's all really distressing at the moment. I can't think about it too much as selfish as that sounds, I am tearing up just typing it at the moment.
DS seems ok ish, but I had another episode with him last week. I'm trying to widen his world a little and make sure he's doing lots with his friends. I am taking him and a friend out after school tomorrow which will cost, but is worth it if it cheers DS up.

I've not been well all night, was up with a bad stomach until 2am and then again this morning. It seems to be happening every Sunday night the past few weeks, OH is convinced it's my nerves and anxiety. OH has been quite ill all weekend too (sinus problems - unrelated to my dodgy stomach), so I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed by life today. 
Work has not been great this morning and I'm struggling with everything at the moment. I'd already cried sat my laptop by 11am this morning. 

In more positive news, after being messed around a few times, the log burner went at the weekend for £650, £130 more than the previous guy was going to give me for it! Basically it's a very good model and is practically new, and the couple in question had been looking for this specific type and offered me more if they could take it that day. SOLD! They were lovely people too and we had a nice chat about things. They were over the moon as was I. It's also freed up a lot of space. For now, I have a little electric stove in there, but will have a think about what to put there long term.
I waited for the bank to open this morning and put that and £20 extra I had here in the bank. I've paid £80 ish off the credit card to clear it and will save the rest to go towards everything else.