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Elisheba

Sorry about you feeling low @MeandO. I wouldn't underestimate the amount of stress living through building work is, and also paying for it. Even when it's budgeted for it can leave you feeling out of control watching pots of money going down and down.

I also struggle with depression. Things that help me are medication (but it was a long journey finding one where the side effects weren't too bad), getting enough sleep (and by enough I mean a lot. I have pretty strict sleep schedule and need at least 9 hours a night), keeping to a rough routine, trying to stay organised, not drinking much, and I've recently started counselling. Not sure if that's going to help yet or not. Bit early to say.

I'm lucky and have managed to access it at a reduced rate that I can just about afford via a local charity. I'd be waiting till I'm old and grey if I waited for the NHS to sort out talking therapy for me! Some employers offer access to therapy, normally CBT, through their wellbeing provider. I can't say I found mine much use, and I'm not really a good candidate for CBT as I'm not sure what my triggers are, but no doubt it's good for some people.

Sounds like you might be suffering a bit with anxiety as well, worrying about money at night. Not really my area, but would it help to write down what you are worried about and then rationally assess it to see it it's a valid concern. Like all the stress you are feeling at the cost of the builders, or the car MOT. Are these things you have already budgeted for? If so, can you put the worry aside as its under control? 

MeandO

Thank you for your post and suggestions Elisheba, I really appreciate you taking the time to post.  

Yes, I have always suffered with anxiety, I think it stems from childhood and my Mum being so poorly but has seeped into other areas of my life. The health of my loved ones is where it affects me the most though and when DS, OH or anyone gets the slightest sign of being off colour, I am preparing myself for serious illness and the worst case scenario. A headache or pain somewhere was never just a headache with my Mum, it was always serious and always escalated very fast.

I remember one day my auntie picked me up from school which was unusual, and told me my Mum was 'busy.' I got home and my Mum wasn't there, no-one really explained what was going on, other than 'the doctor's were making her better.' She didn't come home for months, I now know she was in hospital and almost died. I became frightened to let her out of my sight so spent a lot of my childhood turning down invitations to play with friends and sleepovers as I was scared my Mum wouldn't be there when I got home. I also panicked every time my auntie picked me up from school.
Mum also collapsed on me once when I was 3 or 4 and I remember running to go and get help. She was on the floor, blocking the door and I accidentally hit her head with the door as I squeezed out of the room. I thought I'd hurt her even more and had made things worse. I remember feeling so guilty back then like it was my fault.  My family were not 'talkers' and so they tried to shield me from things by pretending everything was fine and normal, but in hindsight, it made it so much worse which is why I've always tried to be honest with DS about situations.

I have given up with receiving any help from the doctor and have just got to get on with things and make the situation better for myself. yesterday was not a good day and I have spent most of this morning crying on and off, but I know only I can make things better for myself so am trying my best to get a grip, so to speak. 
I am pretty sure hormones aren't helping atm. I am in my early 40s and have noticed I have been feeling a lot worse the last 6-12 months which coincides with my period or just before. I mentioned this to the doctor and wondered if I could be pre-menopausal, but she just said I was too young...  

MeandO

I remember why I hate this time of year - there is so much to pay for. I have bought some more Christmas gifts and also birthday gifts for my Mum and Sister. I have one more birthday to buy for before Christmas yet too. 

My gift fund is spent and I've put some of it on the credit card -s omething I wanted to avoid, but unless I find a money tree very soon, I don't have a lot of other choices. I have had to transfer money from the car pot and gift pot just to cover normal grocery shopping and bills which has helped to deplete those pots. I've also ordered DS a warmer winter duvet which has gone on the CC. I went in his room this morning to find his 'nightlight' fairy lights on and his feet in a pillow case at the bottom of the bed. He told me he woke up at 3am and was so cold he put his feet in a pillowcase. I felt so bad he was so cold.  For some reason his duvet seems to follow him around the bed and fall onto the floor by the morning, so I've ordered one one size up from what he has now. I always put a snuggly blanket on top of his duvet too, but this tends to fall off as well. His bed is not against the wall in this house, so perhaps that's why? Anyway, there is a new bigger, larger duvet on the way and obviously a couple of duvet covers to fit it. 

I have budgeted for the building work and car insurance/MOT, but I have encountered quite a few problems and extra expenses with the house that I wasn't expecting. There are also extra items that need to be added to the building work and I don't know how much these will cost. I have asked for a quote, but not received one yet. I worry about whether I will be able to afford this.

As for the car there is £600 on that pot presently and it needs to cover the insurance, MOT and any work needed. If it costs any more, it will have to come from the building fund/savings or go on the credit card, I don't have any more money. I hate being in this position.

Last week was a week of dealing with incompetent companies and chasing refunds - I am due a refund of £128 from Next for some furniture that was faulty and was returned almost a month ago. First, the courier didn't turn up to collect twice, so I had to call Next who then arranged a courier for the next day. The courier arrived but refused the parcel as N had not given me the correct returns label.   After eventually chasing them for that, it was collected. Now I've chased a refund to be told 'I' had returned it via the wrong courier and so they couldn't refund it and I should have sent it with the courier who delivered it, despite Next arranging the courier collection in the first place!!!! Fuming doesn't quite cover it. Anyway, still chasing them on that one.

I've also been chasing W!ckes who have lost a kitchen tap I ordered to replace the current broken one. It's taken numerous emails, phonecalls and complaints to sort that, although it still hasn't arrived.

I'm also trying to register at the doctor surgery near us, but they seem to want us to jump through hoops and fill in a ridiculous amount of forms to do so.

I've also chased DS's paediatrician this morning. DS has been on the waiting list for 2 years now for what was described as a 'fairly urgent' investigation at the time. I appreciate the world went mad in that time, but he is a child, with pain and symptoms that affect his day to day life and it's been two years. 

Everything seems such hard work at the moment.

Elisheba

Keep going @MeandO You'll get there.  That's awful of Next - what a mess of their own creation.

With all the money stuff, you have budgeted as best you can.  If it needs to go on the credit card, then it needs to.  That's what it is there for, and you are adding value to things or covering the basics with the car.  It doesn't mean you are getting into bad habits, you aren't squandering it on things you don't need and that are of no value.  Its your house and car - its okay.  And Christmas, well, just do the best you can.  Be gentle on yourself.  Cover what needs covered, and then start again.  

When you get registered at the Docs I would speak to them about medication and talking therapy.  When things are hard to cope with, the meds can help you through, and the talking therapy if you can access it is more of a longer term help.  It does sounds as though you are depressed as well as suffering with anxiety.  Things don't need to feel like such hard work.  Help is out there.You are going to be okay 

Four_Seasons

Sending you hugs and positive vibes x

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are struggling with anxiety and money worries at the moment.  The building work must be a pain to deal with and you have had so much to deal with your parents health issues too.  I think you are right in that talking about these things is better than protecting children as they often imagine things which are worse than the reality.

I think everything seems hard at the moment with Covid and getting to see doctors etc.  My husband had open heart surgery a few weeks ago and the hospital discharged him with literally no support due to Covid so we just muddling through and hoping we doing everything we are supposed to. I guess we are lucky in at least they did the surgery as we know people who have been on the waiting list for years and they wait for them to have a heart attack before they do anything. 

Chrystal

Fill in the forms for the new doctor, however long it takes.  It must be worth it to get away from your current doctor, who sounds as though they need re-assessing! Women in their 30s have been known to go through the menopause!! 
Sending (((hugs))) and hoping things get sorted out quickly.  XX

Drawingaline

I had to get a refund from next due to a mistake on there end. Took four phone calls and in the end I took a gift card (was £35 and the money was spent, I will be able to buy something nice with that) so I understand how frustrating they can be. I finally got through to someone who seemed to know what they were on about which helped. 

MeandO

Thank you for your posts everyone x 
I hope your husband is doing ok after his surgery enthusiasticsaver. It was much the same when my Dad had his kidney removed - sent home with no aftercare despite severe complications afterwards. 

I have all but given up on the NHS now tbh. 

I had started to feel a little better about things, but the past few days have been enough to make me feel pretty low again.

This house has thrown up more problems. We discovered that there is a leak in the roof, probably caused by the chimney, which is rendering the beams soaking wet in the attic. It has obviously been going on for some time as the wood immediately next to it is rotten. Something else the surveyor missed. 😡 I hopefully have a roofer coming out to look at it this week, but how I’m going to pay for it, I don’t know. I imagine the chimney will need removing which will cost me a few thousand. I also have concerns about how good the actual roof is. I’m going to ask the roofer’s advice when he comes.

OH also found a hole in the roof which the builders have caused and explains why I have had water coming in for over a month. The builders have said they’ll deal with it this week.

The kitchen tap finally broke today and now I can’t use the hot tap. Going to contact the plumber tomorrow to see if he can fit the new one this week for me. The new one finally arrived last week. 

Yesterday, my bathroom light switch broke and was a nightmare to repair; then the light fitting itself went today and had to be replaced which proved to be difficult. Thankfully OH did both for me or I would have been really stuck. Starting to wish I’d bought another new build tbh. ☹️

Before all this I got some more painting done last week, sealed around some windows and the kitchen sink and worktops etc as it hadn’t been done by the previous owners. 

I also picked up some clearance paint in wickes for a £3 donation to charity today. I only needed a small amount for one wall and took a chance on the colour. It wasn’t quite the right colour when I tried it, but have mixed it with some leftover paint I had and it looks ok, so that was a little win. 

The building work is still not close to being finished. The weather is the main problem presently and is not being kind to me at all. 

I’m definitely going to have to borrow more money on my mortgage, but can’t apply to remortgage until the beginning of December, so am counting down the days. I just hope they will actually lend me the money or I’m really stuck.

I have been going through my budget and finances this weekend as I am struggling at the moment, I don’t seem to have enough money every month and am constantly dipping into various pots, all of which are diminishing rapidly. I have also put purchases on the credit card which I hate doing, especially as my 0% interest period is ending this month. 

YNAB tells me I have around £500 left for groceries, petrol, clothing and all other spends after all the bills and DS’s school dinners are paid for every month. I could save less into the car/house/gifts pots but I am reluctant to as they are pretty low as it is atm and about to be drained with the MOT due this week and car insurance next week and I see it as spreading the bills out over the year.
Looking at YNAB, I can see that my groceries bill has gone up from around £150/£175 a month to around £250 a month, I really need to bring this down. Petrol has also gone up and is costing more. We never have takeaways and probably only eat out once every couple of months and I can’t remember the last time I bought clothes for myself, so it’s not like I fritter money away. 

I’ve been trying to think of ways to up my income but not come up with anything promising presently. I think this is a big cause of the stress and anxiety I’m feeling at the moment. 😞

I put two items on eBay this morning and have one other bundle I can list. I guess I’m going to have to start looking for other things to sell soon. I have a lot of old family items that my parents have given me over the last couple of years. None of the rest of the family want them and they are happy for me to do as I wish with them, so I guess I might have to look at selling some. I feel bad as these items belonged to my grandparents, but I’m aware interest in them will stop at me as DS has no memories of my grandparents or the items in question so they will not mean anything to him. 

The weather is beating my poor little house as I type this, it is so wild it is scaring me, especially as I know my house is not currently water tight and damage is being done with every raindrop. 🥺 I think I’m going to go to bed and try and sleep tonight away. I don’t want to listen to the rain and wind anymore. 

Night all xx

Honeysucklelou2

So sorry to read that you have found more issues with the house. I really hope that you get a break in the wild weather we’ve been having and the builders are able to put the roof to rights and at least ensure that you are watertight.

Hope your parents health is improving.  Thinking of you...