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peb

I may be telling you what you already know as I know you had issues with a previous house.

Check the title and in particular the property report supplied by the solicitors pointing out there to find out the information.   It's not always clear on boundary responsibility (the chimney I suspect is part of the internal boundary- different to the external boundary re fences etc).  

Check out the Property Information from, unfortunately if the sellers haven't actually lied you can take no action against them. Most editions refer to notices - so in writing not verbal - and actual disputes so asking the neighbours who refused won't count.
Hopefully I've attached part of the TA6 which is the law society version.

Basically though caveat emptor is still the defence usually used by sellers

Drawingaline

Deep breaths!!! 

Your ex sounds hard work, these sorts of things frustrate me when I hear about them. It's done now. Regarding Ds, you are his safe space so he is probably acting out atm, age etc. However it may be that he is of an age where he needs more from his dad (now, no idea if he will be able to get it, some parents are not up to it tbh) I know our oldest son gravitated towards his dad when he hit puberty, his interests changed and he needed more advice, time and just general attention. Nothing I had done at all, just changes within him. My daughter did the same with me. She pulled away from her dad and leaned on me. Still does tbh. We are very alike. I also remember after going to uni really missing my dad, who I had never really got on with (not in a bad way, just nothing in common) and this has continued as an adult as we have grown more and more alike and when I visit I get a lot out of spending time with him.

I could be very off the mark here, but wanted to give a different view, sometimes in the midst of it all it can be hard sometimes to see everything. 

MeandO

Thank you Chrystal, Peb and Drawingaline. 

You're correct Peb in saying that the sellers haven't actually lied, so there's nothing I can do. They left the house in a filthy, stinking state and seemed to have no thought for others so I shouldn't be surprised that they chose not to declare the issues I have since found out they knew about - which will have cost me thousands by the time I've dealt with them. It's so frustrating.
The surveyor missed the roof issues though despite 'inspecting' the attic, but past experience tells me it's not worth the hassle of trying to chase them on that. I've resigned myself to having to fork out for it all and then try and negotiate with the neighbor to pay half.

Drawingaline, thank you for sharing your experience with your DS too, it did help to think it may not be 'my fault' as such.
I'm trying to view it as normal progression in him growing up, but it's hard not to blame it on the fact it's just me and him here and compare it to the family fun he has at his Dad's.

MeandO

Monday morning again   It feels like a particularly dark and miserable one to be honest.
I've not slept well all weekend and have eaten rubbish, so that's not helping my mood today. I also seem to have spent a lot of money this weekend, nothing extravagant but a trip to the cinema and pizza for DS and I and coffee and breakfast for OH and I yesterday. Spends I wouldn't have thought twice about a few years ago but now I am on my own and money is really tight it has pretty much wiped out several pots for the month. 

The car ended up costing me £130 at the weekend too for two new tyres. It turned out there was a screw right through one and it couldn't be repaired. I have no doubts that it came from the builders working on my house as I have found screws  and nails all over the floor at the front of my house and front garden. One of the labourers in particular is extremely clumsy and constantly seems to be dropping and breaking things and generally causing chaos. I have chased them again this morning to move onto the next phase of works. It has been 2 months now. 

I have a roofer coming out tomorrow to assess the damage in the attic and to give the whole roof a check over. I am not convinced of the structural integrity of it so will ask him to check it all for me. If issues are raise there, I will definitely be going back to the surveyor as he has no excuse for missing the obvious if the timbers are proven to be insufficient as I think they may be. 

I had more hassle with the ex at the weekend with a very easy to solve situation which turned into a complete farce to sort out. It involved me running around and having to deal with a ridiculous amount of messages and stress to ensure DS was picked up and had all he needed because the ex was off doing something he wanted to do without making suitable arrangements first. I've got more running around to do tonight as a result, just to make sure I have everything DS needs for school this week. I'm so tired of it all, there's no need for any of this. Ex just has to make everything into a massive drama and it's always all about himself and what his plans are. Complete narcissist. He will never change and will never hold himself responsible for anything and paints himself as the victim in everything. The scary thing is, I think he genuinely believes it too and convinces himself his own lies are real. 

There's been no interest in DS's old clothes I'd put on ebay, despite some of them never having been worn, so I've bagged them up today and will donate them or pass them on. 
I've sorted out the bins and recycling this morning and have tried to sort out a couple of clutter hotspots in the house which have been getting on my nerves.
I'm going to change both our beds today so we have nice fresh bedlinen for the week, perhaps that will help me sleep better. 
Am trying to concentrate on the little wins today to make me feel a bit better.

Have a good week all xx

Four_Seasons

Hope you are feeling better today, you are a lovely strong young women and an excellent mom, things will get better, sending you hugs x

MeandO

Thank you Four_Seasons, feeling far from ‘young’ these days though!  

MeandO

Monday went from bad to worse. After picking DS up from school we had to go straight to the ex’s house to collect DS’s uniform which hadn’t been returned at the weekend. As DS was getting out of the car to run into his Dad’s he made a comment, completely out of the blue, about arrangements for Christmas this year which just broke me tbh. I couldn’t stop the tears which were running down my face for the entire 20 minute drive home and for a couple of hours after we got home. DS asked me why I was crying and usually I would have shielded it from him, but I’m afraid I couldn’t, so I had some ‘age appropriate’ honest conversations with him when we got home. Just to make matters worse, I discovered that his uniform we collected was still filthy from the previous week, they hadn’t even bothered to wash it, so I had to get everything washed and dried for the following morning. Even his drinks bottle had been left festering and stinking from 4 days previous. 

The Christmas comment was worded such that it confirmed what I thought - that the ex and his gf are manipulating DS to get what they want out of the situation, and it’s working. Explains DS’s behaviour towards me lately too. I tried to talk to DS about how that makes me feel too, but it seems to have gone the other way and he now seems to hold his Dad & gf in mind as some sort of gods. We saw them briefly last night at an event and it was like DS had not seen them in a year and didn’t want to know me, yet when I collected him from school I didn’t even get a ‘hello’ before he got snappy with me for parking ‘too close’ so he couldn’t walk as far with his friends. 

I am really hurting tbh. I feel like every day I am losing DS a little more. 

Back the other half of my life atm which just involves me spending money like water on this house. 

The plumber fitted the new kitchen tap and a radiator yesterday for £120 inc the radiator, I’d bought the tap. 

The roof repairs are going to cost around £3.5k and will be done next week. I have yet to catch next door to speak to her about it again, but I can guarantee she won’t be forthcoming about paying half, so I am fully expecting to have to pay for the lot. I know she can afford it, this is her 2nd property and she is mortgage free on both. Why do I always find them? 

I’ve withdrawn the money for the above from the premium bonds account. I also had a bill for the ongoing external works of nearly £12K - £3k more than originally quoted due to additional work that has had to happen. I have enough to cover both bills but it will mean using every penny of my savings and withdrawing the money from the help to save account before the maximum bonus is paid, so losing around £100. At least I know the remortgage doesn’t have to fund these though, it just needs to pay for everything else on the list. 

Honeysucklelou2

Sending hugs MeandO.  Three of mine think their dad is wonderful even though he constantly lets them down and says things about me that are blatantly untrue. It’s really hard, so sending much sympathy.

Will the majority of the jobs be done when the roof has been finished?

Mrs_Money_Penny

So sorry MeandO that your having such a hard time. Sending hugs xx

badmemory

My best advice you will hate.  Tell him that if he hates living with you so much perhaps he should go & live with his father.  A few days in school with classmates telling him he smells will soon sort that out.