Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my grown-up daughter pay to live at home?

vixenl1984

Having moved back in with my parents a few times (now on my own again) I only paid what additional costs they incur for me living there. I wouldn't pay towards mortgage or rent as this wouldn't increase by me moving in.

bertiewhite

Oh good grief.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.

MogSie_2

Yes,nominal e.g. £200 per month and save the money for her and give her it as a gift when she does move out (less any expenses if you can't afford to pay the extra yourselves) - also make some rules about ironing, cleaning communal areas etc - ie clean the bathroom she uses, her room, 1 basket of ironing a week, cook a family meal etc. so that she has some concept of responsibility.

onomatopoeia99

Pollycat wrote: »

FGS - she a 30 year old adult.
That's not a child.

I'm pretty sure that the 30 year old adult is still the child of her mother. What other word would you use to define the relationship between a parent and someone born to them?

I'm 48 and have lived independently since I was 19, but I'm still my parents' child.

bobbiz22

£150 a month - cover any extra bills & food.

That's what I did. I didn't expect to live for free in my parents house when I moved back in for 2 months.
She shouldn't expect to live there for free, as your bills will go up slightly, so at least cover those costs and ask her to either buy her own food, or contribute towards the food shop.

Thomas_Holding

userererer wrote: »

You should cut her some slack. I can't imagine anything worse than living at home with the parents and being single all while going into your 30s. Something has clearly gone wrong with her life so she needs the support to get herself back on track. This is usually tougher for women as they are the more sensible ones (usually!) who often have their lives together at this stage of their lives. Of course everyone is different so I'm not trying to pass comment.

Choosing not to add to her financial obligations may allow her to move out sooner.

Plus, the sooner she can be out of your hair the better! Because no-one wants a failure of a child hanging around their neck like a millstone! :rotfl:

The OP could ask for e.g. £400 pcm rent but say that it is going to HTB ISA for the daughter.

Pollycat

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I'm pretty sure that the 30 year old adult is still the child of her mother. What other word would you use to define the relationship between a parent and someone born to them?

I'm 48 and have lived independently since I was 19, but I'm still my parents' child.

I refer to myself as my mother's daughter, not child.


But whatever works for you and your - how was it referred to? - ah, yes 'romantic fiction'.

Augustus_the_Strong

Yes, she's a grown up. Assuming she's 'moved back in' rather than just staying for a short time while she sorts herself out.

John_Gray

The OP will be aware of this recent American case: New York parents sue 30-year-old son who refuses to move out and should prepare accordingly for future litigation.

Any tenancy agreement for her room should be a water-tight contract drawn up by a solicitor, otherwise "it will all end in tears". You do not need a "lack-of-foresight saga"!

Actually, thinking more about this, the question is so stupid that any action will undoubtedly end in tears, if it hasn't already begun in tears...

khris210

When my son came to live with me for a while, I suggested he pay a contribution. I mentioned it a few times, but he never did. My intention was to save it for him, but I obviously didn't tell him that. In fact he was barely there, except magically when I had a girlfriend round! So, circumstances alter cases. You should examine your circumstances (financial and emotional) and err on the side of generosity. As that great philosopher Peggy Mitchell has said "it's famlee, innit?"