Want husband to leave.... but he won't.

tacpot12

Your husband's behaviour is certainly not normal, but neither is it unusual (as the law on coercive behaviour indicates). It won't change or improve without help, which I assume your husband won't seek.

The only way to get your husband to leave the property if he won't leave voluntarily will be an exclusion order granted by a court. You will struggle to get an exclusion order while your husband's behaviour is only unpleasant, but not dangerous.

I'm inclined to think you will have to persuade him to leave voluntarily. You should make a budget so that you are clear how much money he will have available to rent somewhere. Check that he will be able to rent a one bedroomed flat or get a room in a shared house somewhere in the local area. Once you are sure that he could leave, you need to start persuading him to go.

How you do this is up to you, but I would definitely stop supporting him (you probably support him in many ways), or letting him manipulate you, as he is trying to do with his behaviour. You probably need some support while you do this. Do you have a friend who knows the situation and could help?

pmlindyloo

Ring these people now.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Since he does appear to be very controlling I suggest you do not use the home phone (may see itemised bills) but perhaps telephone from work/your personal mobile/a friend's mobile/call box.

They will be able to offer advice and direct you to your local help centre. At the local centre they will answer all your questions and support you in your next steps.

Mojisola

redmel1621 wrote: »

I hate myself for staying with a control freak that doesn't let me live a normal life... He stalks me to work... numerous times I have come out of work to see our car driving off.... or I've seen him in my rear view mirror following me, trying to stay a few cars back.

I can't make him leave.

You can because of the way he is controlling you.

Contact Women's Aid - you won't be alone in the process - support is there.

Ilona

I don't need to tell you what to do, I think you already know. My mum was in a loveless marriage with a man who treated her badly, argumentative, drinking, home life for us three kids was not very nice while he was around. She waited as long as she could, stuck it out until we were a few years older, then found us a small terraced house to rent.

The house was a dump, not fit for human habitation, but it was cheap, so we made do with no bathroom, no hot water, no plaster on one of my bedroom walls, and a big hole in the front room floor, which we couldn't use.

One morning when he left for work, a furniture van came and loaded up all the things we were taking with us, leaving him a few essentials , bed, chair, crockery, etc. That night he came home to find that we had all gone. Basically we did a runner.

A week later the police came to see us, he had reported us for stealing his furniture. Nothing was done about that, and we didn't see our father for many more years after that. He was ordered to pay mum child maintenance. Father stayed in the council house until they decided they needed it for a family, then he moved out of the area with his job.

Our new life was a heck of a lot better, Mum should have made the move sooner. We had nothing, mum had to go to work to make ends meet, what she taught me about managing on little money has stayed me throughout my life. Op, forget about material possessions, forget about what you are leaving behind, think about the new life you are about to embark on. Please think about your future. I hope you find a way through this, be strong for your kids. Lots of love.

Ilona

peachyprice

redmel1621 wrote: »

He barely goes out alone, instead whinges and whines and has a go at me, until I go with him..

redmel1621 wrote: »

H

I don't believe he is as fed up as I am. He visits friends, goes to the shop, runs the kids about to clubs (as I am not allowed to) and stops off places on the way to or from these clubs... He has all the freedom he could ever need. He has been away on courses etc...

Which is it?

z1a

peachyprice wrote: »

Which is it?

Yep, I thought that as well, - Jackanory time.

redmel1621

peachyprice wrote: »

Which is it?

I'm not sure why you have read my posts just to pick holes in what I have said. I was upset earlier, as we had had a big row about me going to the shop, and I was clearly not expressing myself as well as I could have.

The first statement should really read: "he doesn't want to go out alone,... so he whinges and whines so I will go with him" Quite often I don't go if it is a quick trip to the shop or dropping kids off at clubs and he just goes himself... I suspect he creates such a fuss because he doesn't want to leave me alone, but I can't say this with certainty

He mostly kicks up a fuss if it is a social visit and he'll be out a while.

Over the years 23yrs he has stayed away n various courses etc. I haven't stayed away anywhere ever.. I can honestly say I have only visited family or friends on my own a handful of times and that has been while he has been in work and I have been off...which is very rare.

If you want you can go through and pick more holes in what I've written and I will try to explain how things are.. In fact if you want you can come and live with him and I will have your lovely life, where you have so much time to sit judging other peoples posts.

Ilona

redmel1621 wrote: »

I'm not sure why you have read my posts just to pick holes in what I have said.

If you want you can go through and pick more holes in what I've written and I will try to explain how things are.. In fact if you want you can come and live with him and I will have your lovely life, where you have so much time to sit judging other peoples posts.

No one will want to help you if you start getting ratty. It was a reasonable question about inconsistencies in your posts. Thank you for explaining. Now calm down and take a deep breath.

Ilona

redmel1621

Ilona wrote: »

No one will want to help you if you start getting ratty. It was a reasonable question about inconsistencies in your posts. Thank you for explaining. Now calm down and take a deep breath.

Ilona

Thank you and sorry.

It was clearly a scathing comment, but I have calmed down....

I know what I have to do I just don't think I can do it. I'll just shut up and put up, as I have for years.

I haven't spoken to him all day, since the argument just before 11am. He has made me numerous cups of tea which I have left. He does this. Worms his way round and tries to make out I am over reacting about things.

redmel1621

Sorry beenthere.. I have explained ^^^ I was quite upset when I was typing earlier and didn't really word my posts as accurately as I should've.

Thank you for asking in a nice way.