Teenager and cannabis use

natbags

Paye - thank you so much for sharing your experience. I suspect a similar situation (moving out of the home) is looking most likely with or without social services help, with or without GCSE's being completed

Again thanks so much to everyone for their input, a very very tricky time at the moment especially as its half term and his behaviour is just a bad - I will come back to the group and update soon - but currently my head is in bits and i'm living on my very jumpy nerves x

Mela322

My heart really breaks for this young man. I would be doing everything I could as a parent to rebuild the relationship.

System

Mela322 wrote: »

My heart really breaks for this young man. I would be doing everything I could as a parent to rebuild the relationship.

but what would you do when all attempts of rebuilding the relationship fails and all your left with is hope?

I tell you, all you can do is wait.

natbags

I truly am doing all I can to help him, his father too, however bring abused and threatened in your own home is truly awful, this week end we have been violently abused verbally abused and even spat on - despair just doesnt even come close x

Primrose

I know this may be wide of the mark but if he is that violent and a danger to himself or other people isthere a possibility that having him sectioned would bring the situation to a pause and provide some possibility of A major re-think in how he is being treated. You sound as if you're at your wits end and need some serious support. Could you have another talk with his GP?

Mela322

But if you look at it from his side, he was sent away from his family just when he was diagnosed with some issues yet he never got any help for those issues. You can't blame him for rebelling now.

Nothing compares to the love you get at home. He wouldn't have got that being away at boarding school for years. You mentioned that the school can't watch him all the time so that means there are times when he has had no guidance or rules or even consequences. Have you talked to him about his feelings? About being sent away? His issues will run deep and long but it's never too late.

How would he feel about coming home? Working on the relationship, setting ground rules and finding a way to work on this together as a family. Advice saying they parents are fearful for their safety, this young man is acting out in anger and probably a lot of hurt, he is the one that has been put in this position.

How can you mend a relationship when you all don't live together as a family? I would be moving heaven and earth to rebuild, whatever it takes.

Put yourself in his shoes at age 11.

natbags

Thanks again for your input. He was diagnosed at 7 with ADHD and ODD. He didnt go to boarding until nearly 12 and as I say this has worked very well, even he agrees. He is usually away just two weeks or so at a time then comes home for the weekend and school hols etc...
The main source of his anger seems to stem from us finding out about the cannabis and because we are not OK with it, nor will we fund it or provide opportunities for him to access this easily, as with school (the boarding side particularly) Weve talked about other options such as him coming home and he flatly refuses to live by some 'common' house rules
He doesnt appear to be a danger to himself, just us

Frith

Primrose - you can!!!8217;t !!!8220;have someone sectioned!!!8221;!

Working_Mum

paye wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear this and I can understand what your going through with your son.

I Started smoking cannabis from the age of 18 and went through a similar phase like your son is going though.

The stress and pain I put my parents through for 6-7 years was unimaginable and I totally regret it when I look back and one day your son will to.

What helped me was they they stuck by me even though I got kicked out the family home for a period of time to experience life on my own, which actually did help as it made me realise the struggles to make a honest living, but I was 22 at the time, as your son is only 16 so I don't recommend this route.

I imagine your son has a circle of friends who most probably smoke cannabis, if this is the case and I'm sure this is the case then why don't you consider moving out the area if circumstances allows you to, fresh start for all.

Hello natbags,
You've been in my thoughts this week - I think this post is incredibly helpful as it shows there is hope for you and your situation - even if it may be a few years off.

I read a lot about the teenage brain and how it develops when my kids were teenagers (they still are to be fair!!). These two books were very helpful:-

Get Out of My Life: But First Take Me and Alex into Town

Blame My Brain: the Amazing Teenage Brain Revealed

Part of your self care maybe to have a read into the physiological things your son is going through as a teen which may help to explain some (not all) of his behaviours and give you a chance to divine which areas of his personality are present i.e. is this behaviour because he is "typical teen" or is it is ADHD etc - it helps detach from difficult situations and give you a way ahead.

Sending you hugs and peaceful vibes

((hugs))

WM x

Archergirl

Is there a possibility he has been abused or something at school or maybe done something he is ashamed of and trying to blot it out? Sometimes hypnosis can be helpful ....