Teenager and cannabis use

hollydays

what do the school say?.
Do they have any advice?

Fireflyaway

Do you know where he is obtaining the weed from? If it's other kids at school then the school needs to take some responsibility here. If it's at weekends that's difficult, I'm not sure how you can physically stop a 16 year old lad going out.
My only suggestion is to seek professional help and try to distract him. I'm guessing the weed is being used to make feeling down or stressed? Will be say? Can you get him more involved in sport? The activity can give him focus, get out the anger and release happy hormones. Would he do something with his dad? Could you get him home every weekend? Is it possible he is obtaining weed at school during the weekends? I know at my daughter's school the housemaster takes groups into town at the weekend but they are not watched over constantly. He stays in town but doesn't follow them from shop to shop. They could easily arrange to meet him after going for lunch in a restaurant say, but actually sneak off in between if they so wished. I
I once met a young man through my previous job. He was at uni and smoked weed but it had caused a psychotic episode and left long term damage. When I met him he had left uni and his football club and just sat in his flat all day reliant on benefits. His speech was slurred and he was drooling. His movements were slow due to the anti psychotic medication and he was too paranoid to leave his flat.
Do seek professional help. You shouldn't be scared and if need be have him arrested. What if next time he grabbed a knife? You can love and support him but it's impossible to make someone change. He has to do that. The gp may change or add medication that could stabilise him so make an appointment there too.

natbags

Thanks all for taking the time to reply
The school has non boarders too and hes admitted to getting the cannabis in the local town, at home (our local town) and even whilst we were on holiday. Social services will not get involved unless the child is at risk - and hes not considered to be at risk, as ridiculous as that sounds. I have restricted pocket money etc but he still seems to obtain it from friends
Counselling/professional help we have tried - he says all the right things whilst there, comes out and is abusive calling us wet. He wont entertain counselling for himself as he doesn't consider it a problem. He is planning to go to college - he applied to a few but I'm not sure we could cope with him at home - I have a feeling that if that happens it will all end very soon and not well
School are being very helpful and cooperative however they have a large number of children to supervise and whilst they have put things in place they cannot watch him all the time (he is very smart and manipulative)
We do try to keep him busy focusing on his interests, fishing, trips out, activities etc... but as his personality has changed so much over these last months he will rarely engage. He is our only child

ska_lover

natbags wrote: »

I have a feeling that if that happens it will all end very soon and not well

I do think you need to start planning for the inevitable that likely he is going to end up back with you... if he doesn't get expelled, he is going to need somewhere to live age 18. I think you need to come up with an action plan how you all will cope

The only thing for sure is that the current environment isnt working for him

ukwmo

You have my heartfelt sympathy and I wish you all the best with your boy. I don't wish to worry you but I wonder if it's just weed he's taking. i'll tell you why.

I'm having similar problems with my nephew. He's slightly older, 19. I know he's smokes weed, he has done for years. He had an unfortunate start in life. His Mother had her own addiction problems (still has), his Father (my Brother) was in and out of jail and was absent for most of my nephew's life. I've become his substitute Father, if you will, we're far closer than just Uncle and Nephew.

He started smoking hash (solid cannabis) and weed when he was maybe only 12 or 13 years old. His Mother not only condoned it, she encouraged it because she used it herself. She'd send her own Son out to buy it, she'd smoke it with him, she'd buy him an ounce at Christmas, birthdays etc. Utterly reprehensible on her part.

To my shame, I walked away from the whole thing. I was embarrassed by them. They were a branch of the family everyone made fun off, always skint, always in Cash Converters selling something, always out shoplifting or bumping their tick bills and getting trouble at their door, always struggling on from one giro to the next.

But the last year I've got more involved in my nephew's life. Truly he's damaged goods. He's told me things about his upbringing that no child should ever have seen. He's a poor soul.

Anyway, I'm drifting.

He's still smoking weed. Says it chills him out. Last six months I've seen his behaviour while he's "onit" or "mad with it" (West of Scotland parlance for getting high or extremely drunk). And, to be fair, when he's smoking weed he's extremely chilled out. Calm, relaxed, quiet ... when he's smoking weed you know he's going to be well behaved & there won't be any problem with him. It's just an observation. I'm not excusing it or widening in out into a debate on cannabis use. It does calm him down.

But when he's taking other stuff, his behaviour is extremely volatile. Locally there seems no shortage of cocaine, or "prop/council", also there's a never-ending supply of "blues" (Valium ?) plus prescription painkillers (Tramadol mainly). He's also dabbled with tablets that give a LSD type trip.

It's when he's taking cocaine & valium, combined with alcohol (Buckfast wine, or cider, anythingg really) that he becomes really difficult to control. He's up he's down, threatening to batter people for no reason, threatening to damage property, steal cars and all the rest ... and I'm no prude but his language is shocking, never to me but when he's on the phone to his gf, friends, even random people in the street.

Anyway, I've decided we're going all in to sort him out. That's another story.

I just wanted to say that, if your boy can get weed, trust me he can get his hands on everything else going too. It might be something you don't want to think about and I don't blame you for that. But it's a different world our boys live in nowadays. Most of us are too innocent that way and don't see what they're up to.

Anyway, just be mindful there might be more to it. His behaviour suggests that to me.

tacpot12

Your son is a young adult now, and is testing his boundaries. At the moment he is finding that there are not many boundaries to his behaviour. You can put some boundaries in place, but you cannot force him to change his behaviour. This is his decision, and you probably need to accept that he is unlikely to change it soon.

Your decision is whether to allow him into your home. You say you probably could not cope - I can see how much of a dilema this for you. You probably know you can't cope, and this is why you are fearful of what will happen.

I was going to ask if you could rent somewhere for your son to live. You might sell this too him as being a good thing if you can rent somewhere close to the college he wants to attend, but I think it quite likely that he will trash the place and you will be left with a very large bill. Even so, this may still be a good option to discuss with him. He might react favourably if you suggest that you think is old enough to try living on his own. I would definitely involve him in the discussion as to what you are going to do; you need to start adjusting to the fact that he is growing up.

I do sympathise with you and wish that this goes well for all of you.

I can offer a ray of hope; I know a young man with ADHD who used cannabis at the same age as your son, but has now stopped. He is now at college and making steady progress on a vocational course. I don't want to say on a public forum what it was that worked for him, as this could identify him. I'll send you a private message.

System

Anyway, I've decided we're going all in to sort him out. That's another story.

Please share how are you going to do that?

z1a

hollydays wrote: »

The op already said school was recommended because of his oppositional behaviour.Can you not read?

Yep, I can read, and I read that as "Doctor says I can do without the inconvenience of my child, so I'll pass the problem to somebody else."

System

z1a wrote: »

Yep, I can read, and I read that as "Doctor says I can do without the inconvenience of my child, so I'll pass the problem to somebody else."

So you would go against medical advice?

Newtothis92

I'm sorry for what you are going through

I was thinking whether there was any kind of supported accommodation for young people in your area/college area?

Very long story short Around 10 years ago now but my younger sister (14 at the time) was out of control. My mum had 3 other kids, she couldn't cope with her, she had no fear of the police etc so mum kicked her out to my dad's (after a LOT of struggle, it wasn't a decision she made lightly). Dad lived with my grandparents who also couldn't cope with her and kicked her out and she ended up living in supported accommodation for up to I think it was 18 year olds.

They each had their own little studio flat, would pay a nominal amount for gas and electric and had to provide and cook their own food, do their own washing etc. (I'm also 99% sure they had to attend college and number of days per week to keep the flat as an incentive to keep them in college). The quality of flat would also improve over the length of time spent there and the behaviour when there.

I'm pretty sure though this facility was only available to "homeless" young people - therefore you would have to make the plunge and refuse to have him in your home

It wasn't perfect, people in there did dabble in drugs, including my sister. However at one point she was fully considered a write off - in comparison she now has her own flat, full time job a partner and a child with him. Something no one ever thought would happen

And now being a mother herself she can understand why my mum did what she did, how you can only physically take so much before you have to take a step back.

I hope things get better for you