Teenager and cannabis use

Working_Mum

Hello natbags,
I think it is like dealing with anyone who is in the grip of an addiction and you have to "emotionally detach" with love from their choices and stay at a safe, healthy distance. A bit like dealing with an alcoholic.

You say your son is manipulative - has he got any other diagnosed disorder other than ADHD? His behaviour from what you've described may fit into that of a psychopath/narcissist or the like and as such you'll be on a hiding to nothing getting anywhere truly authentic with him (my ex-H is a psychopath and displayed a lot of these behaviours and I was in deep counselling for many years).

Are you getting counselling for you to be able to navigate the behaviours and attitude?? It has to be about self preservation at some point. Social Services are overwhelmed with long lead in times for anything other than the most urgent of cases so it may be you have to fund your own way ahead.

natbags

Thanks working mum, his only other diagnosis is Oppositional defiant disorder and no we are not receiving any help what so ever. Any agencies that get involved comm paediatrics, CAHMS etc... have been useless and in all honesty are only interested in him (as I say he comes across as very charming even at 16, and can 'talk the talk') and are not interested in helping us at all. The private resources he has refused to truly engage with
Would you mind me asking what type of counselling you opted for (CBT etc...) (please PM me if your prefer not to say publicly)as we are at a loss and despairing as to what to do, where to get even private help from, nobody seems at all interested in helping us (professionally speaking) SS are not proving very helpful either and I appreciate they are overloaded

Frith

Cgkid - this is the you tuber that completely turned my son’s life round. He spent 18 months smoking almost constantly, no energy, violent, wouldn’t go to school...

Cgkid looks at the pros and cons of all drugs and that’s when my son realised the paranoia, hopeless feeling and apathy was down to cannabis. (Obviously id also told him, a few thousand times!)

He gave up at the start of May and is back to his old self.

Frith

In reply to pp - absolutely, people go to a and e with complications from smoking cannabis.

A friend of mine smoked for 3 days and was sectioned. There were numerous occasions when I wanted to take my son as he was hallucinating.

Working_Mum

It's a truly lonely place you are in, I am so sorry.

I had good old fashioned "talking therapies" with a local counsellor who has been amazing - she has helped both of my children handle things too. She is a really capable and articulate therapist so we would "go off piste" a bit and she knew I was hungry for learning so she shared strategies including CBT. She costs me thousands over the years but has been worth every single penny.

The key things I learned were:-
1. to not be "co-dependant"
2. to learn to "let go" of stuff I couldn't control
3. how to set healthy boundaries
4. acceptance of my life (and past) "as is"
5. how to forgive everyone everything!!
6. I can only control me

I got a lot of help from hazelden.com - it is the official AA website/resource but is incredibly helpful for dealing with the fallout of my ex-H's behaviour and have a "working relationship" with him whilst the kids were little. I have one more year of school fees then I am free of him and I never have to see him again yay!!

I learned to look after me as a priority because I couldn't look after anyone else whilst on my knees - this took a bit of doing as I was running on empty and had been for a long time. I actually think I had PTSD but never had this as an official diagnosis .....just my layman interpretation now that I am at a safe distance.

My fave poem and reading every single dayis:-
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can´t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I can´t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can change only myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

I wish you good luck natbag, it's a hard road to travel but you have to look after yourself to be able to handle your son and his shenigans.

((hugs))

WM x

natbags

Thanks so much Working Mum - that certainly resonates, you have certainly given me a glimmer of hope that we can come out the other side and self care is so important - I get that. That poem/reading is exceptional - truly - thanks for taking the time to post - I wish you well in your journey moving forward too xxx

Frith - Thank you so much for that info - I'm off to take a look now xxx

John_Jones

AndyPix wrote: »

From the article :

"Some users may experience psychotic symptoms with hallucinations and delusions lasting a few hours, which can be very unpleasant. Even though these unpleasant effects do not last long,"

Quick, call an ambulance

You seem determined to try to undermine official advice and actual studies, but you are doing a terrible job of it. People are quite likely to harm themselves or others if they are suffering a psychotic episode or hallucinations. The fact that it passes is irrelevant.

Why do you feel that you know better? Do you have equally ridiculous views about vaccines, I wonder, or chemotherapy? What about fluoride in water, do you believe that that is a conspiracy too, and chemtrails?

Do you think that this paranoia that you seem to feel about the official sources lying to you could be down to something that you have taken?

humptydumptybits

AndyPix wrote: »

Ok - I retract my statement, and change it to :-


A miniscule number of people, over tens of years, out of the millions and millions that will have smoked it in that time, may end up in A&E if they smoke too much and panic at how stoned they are



As for that spice stuff, that is the devil incarnate - and is brain damage waiting to happen

My son's friend wasn't panicking, the police called out an emergency psychiatric team, not sure if they have an official title, they assessed him and transferred him to A&E where he was detained until a bed could be found for him. He narrowly missed being sectioned as he agreed to treatment but was told if he didn't agree he would be sectioned.


People don't all react the same way to any drugs/medication, have you ever read the warnings that come with prescription meds? Some complications are rare and some are common, maybe you haven't had a problem with cannabis but that doesn't mean other people will be the same.

AndyPix

John_Jones wrote: »

You seem determined to try to undermine official advice and actual studies, but you are doing a terrible job of it. ?

Anyone can find a "study" or some "official" advice backing pretty much any view imaginable on the internet - it doesnt make them right



Just take the most recent "vaping" debates - Opposing studies and official reports completely contradicting each other, they cant both be right !!


And if such studies are so prelevent, why do you need to resort to quoting articles from newspapers in new zeland ?
Official advice is not to drink more than 4 cups of coffee a day - but you dont see A&E full of people who drink more than that - of which you can probly guess , there are many

John_Jones wrote: »

Why do you feel that you know better? Do you have equally ridiculous views about vaccines, I wonder, or chemotherapy? What about fluoride in water, do you believe that that is a conspiracy too, and chemtrails?

Do you think that this paranoia that you seem to feel about the official sources lying to you could be down to something that you have taken?

Dont be so ridiculas - I have altered my original statement to accept that these affects do seem to happen in a tiny tiny percentage of users but just think how many people use cannabis on a daily basis and the vast vast majority have no ill effects whatsoever ..


It seems the ones that do, are predisposed to such mental states - as it is certainly not the norm

paye

natbags wrote: »

My son is 16 He has recently become involved in cannabis use and we are having increasing problems with him that are just becoming out of control
The background is that he has ADHD, has always been quite challenging !!!8211; he doesn!!!8217;t have the hyperactivity side, just lacks concentration and can be impulsive He does have medication. He is at boarding school and has been since aged 11 !!!8211; it was suggested by his paediatrician as he had some issues with oppositional behaviour which was mainly directed at me (mum) as dad worked away quite a bit. School has gone reasonably well, hes very bright and clever. He is also very manipulative
He currently comes home around every 2/3 weeks for a weekend then obviously the school holidays

Over the last few months he has become involved in cannabis and his personality has totally changed, we!!!8217;ve tried all sorts of tactics with him to stop this but he refuses and has no intention of stopping (even after a A&E admission for taking some 'dodgy' stuff), then la couple of weeks ago he was found at school smoking cannabis and in possession of it !!!8211; he was excluded. They have only excluded him for a week as GCSEs are coming up in the next few weeks, however on returning school (after very lengthy conversations) its clear he has no intention of stopping this cannabis use.
As a punishment I have confiscated his laptop and sadly I can a little of what!!!8217;s going on !!!8211; it makes very, very sad reading and I can see he is actively encouraging others, telling many, many complex lies etc!!!8230; to obtain drugs, money etc!!!8230;
When he came home last weekend, my husband collected him from school and on the way home he became very abusive. My husband stopped the car (because my son has a history of becoming violent whist we are driving) my son then told my husband to !!!8216;just !!!! off!!!8217;, got his stuff and got out of the car. My husband just drove off (as you can probably tell, we are at the end of our tether with this) my husband was almost home (approx. 60 miles) when school called, he had made his way back there. They insisted that my husband return to school to collect him a second time. On arriving on the drive my husband had said to my son I hope you don!!!8217;t have anything in your bag that you shouldn!!!8217;t (drugs) and son assaulted my husband on the drive, the police were called, son arrested and the neighbour across the road had this on CCTV and came and told the police. We decided not to press charges, as we don!!!8217;t want to hinder his future prospects and we hoped it had taught him a lesson. We had a long chat again over the weekend as we are desperately trying to keep the peace to get him through his GCSEs, as any further problems at school they will exclude him permanently, however his abuse has continued and school are still having problems
We just do not know what to do. Whilst the police were helpful at the time they reminded us that we have to keep him in education until hes 18 and we just don!!!8217;t know what to do. Our relationship is in tatters and its having such a detrimental affect on my husbands health (he has a heart condition) and my own !!!8211; we just don!!!8217;t know what to do? In all honesty I!!!8217;m frightened of him, terrified of him coming home again and being abusive and violent again and I feel we are trapped with absolutely no help available to us. My son will not entertain any help, as he doesn!!!8217;t seem to accept he has a problem and hes been referred to CAHMS twice with absolutely no success at all
We are now so desperate, afraid and worried about the short and longer term and feel trapped

I am so sorry to hear this and I can understand what your going through with your son.

I Started smoking cannabis from the age of 18 and went through a similar phase like your son is going though.

The stress and pain I put my parents through for 6-7 years was unimaginable and I totally regret it when I look back and one day your son will to.

What helped me was they they stuck by me even though I got kicked out the family home for a period of time to experience life on my own, which actually did help as it made me realise the struggles to make a honest living, but I was 22 at the time, as your son is only 16 so I don't recommend this route.

I imagine your son has a circle of friends who most probably smoke cannabis, if this is the case and I'm sure this is the case then why don't you consider moving out the area if circumstances allows you to, fresh start for all.