taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

kayannie

Just wondered if you've tried avoiding gluten? I have had a lot of tummy discomfort for years & had tests that showed nothing obviously wrong. I have a family member with coeliac so decided to try going gluten free to see if that made any difference & it has, much to my surprise really. Worth trying if you haven't already.

efes_shareholder

kayannie said:

Just wondered if you've tried avoiding gluten? I have had a lot of tummy discomfort for years & had tests that showed nothing obviously wrong. I have a family member with coeliac so decided to try going gluten free to see if that made any difference & it has, much to my surprise really. Worth trying if you haven't already.

hi , I think I had a coeliac intolerance test but that was quite some time ago but right now i'll give anything a go.
Its a niggly pain on my left side which is really causing me concern , I've been for blood tests today and have managed to get a stool sample in the surgery - I just dont know how you can create so much flactulence when you are barely eating. 
Admitted to NM that I am concerned but trying not to be as it could possibly aggrevate me and that I am going to go gently on my stomach so please dont nag me to eat more, The last flare up was over at his back in november but i put that down to us both finishing off a bag of greens he had bought by accident and it was over in a day - he wanted to take me to hospital !! Doesn't help that everyday today when I've been on social media someone within my local area/connections has died before their time , I'm starting to think welll if it can happen to them what makes me think it cant happen to me? 
I really understand how miserable mum is feeling after weeks and weeks of this .............

kayannie

It probably doesn't help that you are stressed out at the moment with worrying about your mum. I find that if I'm relaxed & happy, I hardly notice some little niggly aches, but if I'm worried about anything (& there's lots to worry about at the moment), then any little pain turns into a death sentence in my mind! 

efes_shareholder

kayannie said:

It probably doesn't help that you are stressed out at the moment with worrying about your mum. I find that if I'm relaxed & happy, I hardly notice some little niggly aches, but if I'm worried about anything (& there's lots to worry about at the moment), then any little pain turns into a death sentence in my mind! 

i've been trying not to stress over that to be honest , yes it been frustrating and concerning but I can't change it and we are at least getting somewhere but it could be a build up over many weeks I guess , who knows how the human body responds at times. 
Even a flare up though I would expect to only last a few days at most - its like mum and I are in competition to see whose worse off. I dont want to play !!
I seem to be much better and it gets worse as the day goes on , today I have eaten two bananas - one for breakfast and one for lunch , I know i'm getting hunger gripes now but I really don't know what I should be eating. 
I have today submitted another online consultation to my doctors so i'm hoping he may be able to offer me some further assistance when he gets in touch 
Also bought a batch of womens multi vitamin as I'll try anything right now so thats a chunk of the remaining budget

efes_shareholder

I must currently have a season ticket at the doctors , mums been in bed most of the day after an awful night and said she has felt very light headed and like she may pass out. I can't allow this to get any worse and its no surprise considering how little she can eat or digest.
mum said shes tried to call them a few times but I know she is very impatient with anything so when I saw  how rough she looked I've got straight on the phone to the doctor as at this rate she wont be in any fit state to get to the appointments.
Long and short of it , I was surprised when the doc called me straight back , and it was the leading practioner , he spoke to me with any issue and he has organised for a nutrional supplement drink and some anti sickness tablets - If I had known he would talk to me I would have done it a long time ago.

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are also struggling with your health. 

Kitten868

You are so brilliant. Advocating for your mum while you're feeling awful. I'm so impressed. I really hope it gets easier. I run on adrenaline throughout a saga and then totally crash. I get so ill. It's so hard having to sort everyone out. Sending you lots of love and strength xxxx

efes_shareholder

thank you both , I'm feeling a bit better today and my stomach has started to behave. I did have some leg pain last night which makes me think it could be a bit sciatic and maybe I've been too comfortable in bed on my laptop working from home. I'm going to give the house a going over a bit later and my room and take a walk for some fresh air and be gentle to my stomach , it could well be the antibiotics etc.
Hearing so many people pass in tragic circurmstances this week has probably made me a bit over anxious.
I've just watched the ex's funeral online , real mixed emotions. We had some good times and we had some bad times and we had times where he was quite controlling toward me even after our relationship was severed but it makes me so sad that he didn't get longer to make more memories for his family , I did well up when I watched the service and saw his sons carry his coffin in wwearing his favorite football shirt with his name on the back - I will message the family , I have a video of an occassion he surprised us all on holiday by belting out an absolutely cracking renedtion of a song on karoeke and got a standing ovation as it took everyone by surprise. I meant to send it on to them and have never got round to it but I think they would like to see it - just not sure when the right time would be. 
I'm glad I didn't go , I think I spotted the "friend" on camera and being around that would have made me uncomfortable and everyone who wants too should be able to pay their respects but also its part of my past life , something that belongs to the "old" me and I'd like to just try and recall the better times then dwell on the bad, really difficult to explain how I'm feeling , really difficult - regretful that i didnt take the last call from him but it wouldnt have changed anything.
Mums supplement drink has been delivered so thats another tick off the box , she just seems very weak so I'm hoping these have some impact.
Its 7 days until payday and there is 27 pounds a day in the budget , more then I expected at the start of the month. I dont think there will be much spent in the next 7 days - hoping to have an excess of 100 left which will go in to the savings pot whilst I decide where to put it - most likely the tesco c/card with a bit extra as it would be nice to get it under 3k and start really making an impact. 

efes_shareholder

Had a lovely call from the ex's sister on friday evening following the funeral , I told her I was glad that it all gone so well and how lovely the service was and she reassurred me that the family loved me and I had nothing to feel bad or sorry about and everything I had done they were happy I had etc. 
Did though hear through a friend who didn't know the ex but knew people that did that he had set someone straight as when discussing the ex and his passing , said person had said that I had left them at their lowest point/worse ..................just shows how people will talk !! He wouldn't tell me who had said this but he did say to them that he knew me well and I was the one of the loveliest people you could meet , Glad he had my back but frustrated at how people will chat rubbish about people they don't know considering our relationship ended a year before he was diagnosed. don't like to think that thats whats circulating on the circuit but those who are important to me know the truth.
everything is pretty much moved to the flat now with the exception of a few small items of furnishing which a friend will move at the weekend , there are still a few personal items of the landladys to be removed but we are looking forward to more space , no housemates and a shorter journey to and from my house.
Mum is no better , she seems to be able to eat less and less and is very down in the dumps which I can't blame her for. the supplements the doctor gave are going straight through her too but I've spoken to the doctor today and he said that she will be getting some it in to her bloodstream and to keep fluids up and let her eat ice lollies if that works .................hes organising a home blood test too where someone comes to us. 
I'm at NM's until tomorrow and he said he feels guilty having my company when my mum is ill but to be honest I need to be able to step away for a short time to keep my sanity. My sister is going in today after work so she will have some company and I'll be home from tomorrow.
My belly is a bit more stable but still a bit grumbly with a specific point of discomfort but improved or maybe I've got it under control , buscopan , charcaol capsules , pro bio's and multi vitamins 
Relatively slow spends , couple of supermarket shops for some bits to add to dinner at NM's as he has pretty shipped the entire stock of his kitchen cupboards to the flat , including saucepans , knives , everything except a few plates , cups and a frying pan - at least it challenges me when it comes to cooking dinner.
its payday on friday and I've 160 left after having to take 20 from the cashpoint as the card reader was down in the shop , spent 6 so technically I have 174 
Wont need fuel or anything or any significance before 

Kitten868

Thats a great amount to have left over so well done you. Has new man left anything in the kitchen back at his old place? I can just imagine idiot flat mate very disappointed he hasn't got anything to leave in the sink for days. 

I'm sorry your mum hasn't improved with the supplement. I hope things improve and they help you give better care to your mum. And please, please do not feel any guilt. You still have to have fun and escape otherwise you're no good to her. You need to have some fun and relief to continue to help her! I think you're getting the balance right. 

As for the funeral I think you've managed yourself with grace, class and respect. I don't think you should regret any of your actions as you've behaved admirably. And I've no idea what to say about the stupid things your friend has heard. You know the truth. You know you did nothing wrong. You know you are lovely. You had to leave him as he was destroying you with his shenanigans. None of it had anything to do with his diagnosis which came so much later xxxx